Having DD1 at the birth.

Just after some experience or thoughts on the matter.

DD1 will be 4 on the 20th of May, The stowaway EDD is the 19th. DD1 has started asking lots of questions about how the baby comes out and what happens. I have books that we read and she has actually sat and watched episodes of OBEM with me. A few weeks ago she asked if she could come with me when I go to the hospital to have 'her sister' (we don't know the gender but DD1 is sure it is a girl).

Both my labours have been straight forward and I don't make noise in labour or while birthing so I am not worried about scaring her.

Is 4 to young though? I know with homebirths that siblings are often involved but do they watch the birth or come in afterwards? Have you had your LO with you and how did they react?

There is a very good chance that if the Stowaway decides to break tradition of coming after 41wks then both DD's will be coming to the hospital with me as DH will be overseas until May 11th and my only option would be ambulance if things go quickly.

Ive had siblings at my home births.
Dd was 19months at ds1
Then dd was 6 and ds1 was 4 at ds2's birth.

Having said that im not ok with them being at my hospital birth. For me it feels like there are too many things that could go wrong. But ive never birthed in hospital before so its scary to me. If it was another home birth (even with twins) I would have them there as I would be comfortable and feel safer.

I think at home vs hospital too the kids are in their own environment and can wander around and find things to do if bored etc.

My kids loved being there for the births of their siblibgs so I dont think its unreasonable to allow kids veiw birth. Its just if your comfortable/confident with the environment etc I guess.

If I had already had straight forward hospital births I would probably be more open to my kids coming to one iykwim?

Im hoping to have DS there. I'll take someone extra to take him out if anything scary happens or he has had enough, also to babysit him, as Im sure I will be preoccupied and I dont want DF bailing on me!
he'll be 4 and 3 months when his sibling arrives.

When I went into labour with DS, DD was 5 and she came to the hospital with DH and me. She was in the birthing room throughout my whole labour, but when I was rushed to the theatre for an emergency c-section, she was not allowed in. As a consequence, neither was DH because he had to stay with her. She said that she liked being there, and I had a good experience overall too. When DS was born, the hospital staff gave him to me to hold for a few minutes then took him to DH straight away, so DD got to meet her brother then.
I never considered not having her there. If your DD wants to be at the birth, I say go for it. Children are much smarter and much more resilient that we give them credit for. :)

I have loved having my children at the birth of their siblings. there are many resources that can help to get your DD acquainted with the whole process and get ideas on what it's like.

we read 'hello baby' by julie vivas (i think that is her name?!)...not the mem fox book of the same name...

I also went on a search of really cool birth videos that were calm and reflected our births and intentions. I particularly kept my eye out for births that had other children in them. one i think that is brilliant is 'my easy birth' on youtube (i think that is the name). and a BBer on here has a gorgeous one on youtube with her DD in it. i think she has posted the link somewhere in the HB section.

it really is amazing having your kids there. i have loved it and the girls have loved being part of the process (although my DD2 missed the most of the birth of DD3 but did some good back rubs during the day lol).

I had DD1 there, she was 18 months. I spent half of my labour with just her and I alone, it was lovely, she was calm and especially well behaved. Because I gave birth in the afternoon, my mum came over to mind DD1 and they wandered in and out of the room throughout the labour. Shortly after the birth mum brought DD1 in to meet her sister. It was great!

I honestly think this is a case of each to their own, as you know your DD (or other posters, their children) and know whether or not your DD would be comfortable and ok to be at your birth. For me, I didn't consider having my boys (then 4.5 and nearly 3) present. Not sure if it's their gender, but they'd be into "stuff" and generally on-the-go. So for me, it would be distracting. I've had amazing births, but it's been down to my ability to focus 110pc on me and what my body is doing. I couldn't get in to that headspace if I had distractions. Mind you, I had hospital births and only had DH as my birth support. I'd imagine that if I were at home and/or with a few other support people to look after my child and distract them as needed, then I may feel differently.

But ultimately, you know your DD and if you feel good about having her there, and that she'd be fine to be there during labour and when her little "sister" is born, then why not :)

Would they allow that at the hospital?
I thought I wanted my son and mother here for the birth, but ended up sending them both away as it turned out they cramped my style. Sometimes it's hard to know till you're doing it. I would work out some sort of backup plan, anyway, so you have options. Hope all goes well!

Thanks for your replies ladies.

PZ, I spent all my time labouring with just me and DD1 and I loved it. DH took her out for a couple of hours and I missed her terribly. Even when she woke a couple of times before I went to hospital I went into her, even though the contractions I wanted to be with her. She knew something was up and I remember she would just sit next to me and touch my arm or belly every now and then. Special moments that I love remembering.

DD1 loves hospitals. When she had her operation last year she loved been there, she loved watching all the medical stuff and actually helped the nurse when it came tome to remove her canula.

cassius, thanks for the suggestions, will look them up.

I guess it will all come down to when it happens. If i keep it open to asking her when the time comes and seeing what she says.

MadB, I thought about that so I asked and they said as long as the child/ren are not a distraction or run a mul then they are fine but like you said to have a back up person ready to take them if needed as in like starfish said with an emergency.

Do you think she would handle it? If yes then let her come, just make sure that there is someone there to take her if she gets bored scared or such.

DD (17mths at the time) was at DS's birth she actually helped him be born (she had to breastfeed so I would get contractions). She seen the whole thing, copied the sounds I made lol and pointed saying baby as he came out.