Preppie Making Friends With Grade 3s - Am I Being Silly?

DD started in preps a few weeks ago. She's a completely outgoing, social butterfly kid - she'll talk to anyone and everyone but doesn't really do besties.

Anyhow, for the last week or so she has been inseparable from a Grade 3 girl. I probably wouldn't be concerned about this except that the older girl has brought her a present to school and bought her an icy pole from the canteen. I've had a word with both of them and said no more presents, friendship is not about that stuff.

Hopefully, that's knocked that stuff on the head but they are both super keen to do playdates. As much as you can tell from first impressions, I don't gel with the girl's mum even though the girl seems lovely.

I guess apart from the present thing, I'm just uncomfortable with the situation. It seems odd that a Grade 3er would want to hang out with a preppie.

I've asked DD if she plays with the other preppies at lunchtime and she says no, that she hangs with the older kids, "because they can lift me up," to the climbing wall. She's a complete climbing freak so I can see the appeal of hanging out with the older kids who are more physically adept.

Whaddya reckon?

Dunno about that one - my second D's played with grade 2 people all the time. The teacher I spoke to about it said just make sure there is at least one other kid on your child's year playing ok. So your child, another preppie and then the older girl(s). That's just what the teacher at our school recommended, perhaps tour daughters teachers might be able to guide you a bit more? It's good to have an older buddy, as long a she has some playmates closer in age too I think.

I wouldn't do too much about it at the moment as she has only just started school and will eventually make some friends in her classes. I would definitely organise a playdate where you will be able to watch them play and then you will know if the way you are feeling is justified or not. Did your DD go to kindy? DS did and generally his best friends from there (and after school care) are kids that are a couple of years younger than him. With his best friends he has often wanted to give them one of his toys (and they to him as well so its not just one way) but as there are firm rules against present giving at kindy we haven't allowed it.

I was coming on here to post almost the exact same question. DS seems to have been adopted as a mascot for a group of Grade 4 boys. I'm really unsure about it too. And he was given money for the canteen - which he didn't know what to do with it, and then got upset. His teacher assured me they are a nice bunch of kids but I'm thinking long term when the cricket playing 5 year old is no longer a novelty for them, and he doesn't have any friends in prep because he never played with any of them :dunno: Will be interested to hear what other people say - besides my DH who simply said "Tell him not to play with them" which totally doesn't work.

It's a tricky one. When my DS1 started prep he loved to hang out with the grade 6 boys. They'd let him play 2-square with them and would high-five him, etc. It was kind of cute! The novelty does wear off and he found friends his own age too.

Our school are now strict and have two areas at recess - one for prep to Grade 2 and one for Grades 3-6. DS1 is in Grade 3 and is so sad that he's not allowed to go see his little brother who started prep this year. The older kids were told that the preppies need to find friends their own age and that's why they're not allowed over there. I guess it makes sense, but it's a little sad that my boys can't say hello at lunch time.

Hopefully your DD will find some good friends closer in age as the year goes on.

Not sure - we have "buddies" at our school where preps are allocated a grade 4/5/6 kid to look after them. They often become great mates and it means that the kids play across all age groups. It also reduces the incidence of bullying behaviour by older kids to younger kids. If it is just a 1:1 thing then it may be a concern but if it's a group or something that is promoted by the school then I probably wouldn't worry.

As a teacher I see this all the time. Often the older child seems to fit one of two categories:
1. They just love younger kids, like to help them out, think they're cute etc...
2. They don't have friends their age so look for younger friends.

I don't think the friendships are necessarily a problem, but I would try to encourage friendships with friends the same age too.

Thanks guys - glad I'm not the only one.

She knows lots of the other preppies - 13 out of 48 from kinder/childcare and has been to four birthday parties already this year. Sometimes it's like dropping off a rock star at school so many kids come to talk to her. So I'm not worried that she's hanging with the older kids because the preppies don't like her, I guess I'd just prefer it if she was playing with fellow preppies at lunchtime.

I guess I'll just keep an eye on the situation and see if the novelty wears off.

Nai - yes, I think it stemmed from the 'buddy' system. She had a buddy, then adopted another one who she calls her 'half-buddy' and now seems to have adopted a third.

I wouldn't worry. I think it's a good thing to be interacting with kids from different age groups, rather than only having friends your own age. If the girl is nice she is probably a good little role model for her too and someone to look up to. Maybe she feels safe with her while she's finding her feet at school? I think it will sort it's self out anyway. She has to spend all of the class time with her own class so it's not that much time with this other girl anyway. I would only worry if the girl started to cause and problems somehow but for now it sounds like it's all working out for both of them :)

My DS is not in school so you may wish to take my advice with a grain of salt ;) Seeing it's a new year and the prep's have just started school maybe you could organise a play date / party type of thing where you invite all the girls in her class over. Or you could do a few weekends in a row of one on one play dates with different girls in her class and each week ask her which friend she'd like to invite over on Sat morning etc that way she gets some solid interaction with the girls in her class and a chance to form some friendships without distraction? If she doesn't have a preference of who to invite over maybe you could suggest the girls who have mums that you like :)

Cherished - not sure if you saw my second post but she already knows at least 13 kids in her class from kinder/childcare and has had playdates with a few of them when they were in kinder together. The issue isn't that she doesn't like them or they don't like her - it's just that she prefers the big kids.

DP reckons it's just that the bigger kids are more physical and I think he's probably right. DD1's the kid who's hanging upside down off the monkey bars, sliding down the school railings, circling down the fireman's pole etc. etc.

I also have a very active climber and she often played with the older kids when she was in her first year of school as most of her classmates didn't have the same interest or skill level with the climbing equipment and monkey bars

Personally I'd sit back and watch for a bit and continue to encourage play dates with similar aged friends as well as the older girl. Monitor it and if it seems her otheR friendships are suffering for it talk with the teachers

Dd's school is small so she knows all the students there which is nice but they have one day each week for reception to grade2 to pay on the big equipment and one day for the older classes so they do get their space and opportunity to play with their peers

Good to know, my ds might be like this. He is a social butterfly and loves older kids. I'll often find him following them around the playground and mimicking their actions. Where as he doesn't find kids his own age that interesting. But I think at the moment its more that older kids challenge him physically. He'll also often go up to unknown adults for attention and a chat lol.

Great advise already given, just wanted to add my experience.

DD1 is very very tall and was quite adept at climbing/monkey bars on the start of school last year. She seemed to (and still does) drift towards the kids most like her. At the start of school none of the transition kids (your prep) even came close to her shoulder lol. She has her class mates whom she adores, but it did take a few months for her to find her 'place'.

Miss H has been playing with the older kids as well! since starting prep...

When I asked her why, her reply was *They know more stuff mum, so I can learn more stuff* ...

Must admit, I am a bit wary of her playing with older kids, but like PP's, she has always been drawn to older kids!

Glad to see it happens a lot hehe

Thanks for posting this fionas!