Suddenly not liking childcare - your thoughts?

Ok, so a lot has happened recently, so I'm not sure if that is the reason for this or something else.

DD1 has always loved childcare. She's always pretty much ran in and told me 'bye Mum'. Last year she was going 4 days a week. At the end of the school year last year she dropped back to 1 day a week as I was no longer working but I wanted to hold the space for when I return next year and its easier to increase time rather than get hours if you're not in at all.

The following has changed recently:
1. She has moved up to the toddler room
2. New baby
3. She's been very clingy since I was in and out the hospital near the end of the pregnancy and then 'missing' a lot when DD2 was born as I was visiting her in the hospital.

Anyway, she has started to not like childcare (or so it seems). I'm not sure if its just due to leaving me though? This was really highlighted for me on the weekend when we went into childcare for a fundraiser for family photos and she started crying as soon as we got to the carpark, she's never done that! I will admit I'm not sure I'm 100% happy with the new room. The staff in her previous room were so great and I don't really know the new ones well yet, but so far I don't have a great vibe about the room...

Anyway, sory for the ramble, but I think I've written this exactly as its going around in my head. I'm confused with what to do, ideally I'd like to keep her in once a week, but I don't want her to be unhappy. I also don't like the idea of reintroducing childcare when I go back to work, but once again, I want her to be happy....

Do you reckon her changing attitude has more to do with the changes than the new room? What would you do? See how it goes for a few weeks? Say something (what???) or something else. I'm so torn.

EDIT - is it likely she's just taking longer to get used to the room now that she's only going once a week?

The room changes are probably a small part, but I think the new baby and missing you are the main things. My son went through true same thing when my little one was born. Time and sticking to the routine were what helped us through the difficult times.

My two went through this a few times at CC over the years, often related to change but also to where they were developmentally. It is tough but it does pass - and she will most likely go through it again.

Give her some time to adjust, she has had a lot of changes at home so it could be affecting her and as Nai said it is also a developmental thing too.

Thanks guys. I'm glad others have been through it and its likely to pass.

DS went through the same shortly after DD was born, lasted about a month

Now he's back to barely saying bye to me cos he's do happy to see his friends

He only goes two days, hang in there, it should pass soon

DD was going to child care 5 days a week - we changed it to 4 days childcare and one day of preschool. Because she was only going the one day, it took her a whole term (ie 10 weeks) to settle in and not need to be extracted from me when I left. Even teh next term she still had the occasional days where she didn't want me to go.

So if the change in rooms means she has little contact with the old carers, it is very much like starting again and it wouldn't surprise me if it takes a while for her to settle in. Does she have a special friend that is there on her day that you could arrange a play date with? If they are already there when she arrives, that might also help with the settling in.

What Nai said. My dd went through it too. Sometimes it was developmental stages, others it was carers, others it was friends, others it was because she had just had time at home or a holiday and needed to get back into routine. I always reminded her if the things she liked. She always adjusted.

Chody I could have written a similar post a couple of weeks ago, with the exception that my bub hasn't arrived yet ;)
DD goes tues and thurs and moved up to the kindy room. DH had been doing the drop offs but when I went on mat leave I started doing them. She would cry and literally cling to me and I would have to peel her off me and hand to a staff member :(
I think it's definitely related to bubs arrival (or impending arrival in my case).

We ended up having a chat about daycare and how she doesn't need to be sad as she loves it there and she sees all her friends, and that Mummy will pick her up at the end of the day etc etc. She still has the odd bad drop off but is mostly much happier about it now. It's so hard though to see them upset.

Hi Chody

My DS's behaviour has been really affected by my hospital stay/birth of new baby/daily trips to Special Care (not DS's trips but our leaving him every day for 3 weeks). DS2 has been home for almost 3 weeks and DS1 is still not himself. So clingy - especially to daddy who was the main parent during my 2 week hospital stay. It's been exhausting and really upsetting at times. He's slowly coming back to his "normal" self - I think basically we are dealing with his adjustment to a new baby at this point, but the lasting effects of my 2.5 week hospital stay and the all day trips to special care were obvious. I have no magic suggestions as it has been a real struggle but slowly over time we have seen an improvement. Other people (who did not have long term hospital stays) have told me it took their first about 6 weeks to adjust to having a new sibling. I'm hoping that it's the same for us. My guess is that it is not related to childcare arrangements but to what has been going on in the family with your pregnancy/hospital stay/new baby.

Thanks everyone! It's DD1's childcare day today as we will see how we go. I reckon I'll have a quick chat with one of the carers and tell them she's a bit sensitive at the moment so maybe a little extra attention could be helpful (within reason, I know they need to share it around).

Just thought I'd update:
Last week as soon as I said it was time to leave for childcare she got upset and kept saying 'Mummy home, Mummy home'. When we got there she was so upset. I hung around for a while trying to calm her down but wasn't sure if I was making it worse so a carer took over and I left a poor upset girl. I was almost crying myself. They obviously saw I was upset because they called about half an hour later saying she was pretty good by then. I called a few hours later and she was still fine. When I arrived to pick her up she was happily running around outside and I had to drag her out of there... :/

This morning she was upset again but not 'quite' so much. I didn't hang around as long, but when I left I stood outside the door (where she couldn't see me) and she just kept crying out 'Mummy, Mummy' for a few mins. it felt like hours and Made me feel terrible. She was soon distracted and happily reading. I'll call for an update in a little while.

Gee I feel mean. I know it's good for her to keep going though. I just wish we didn't have this unsettled period :(

Just thought I'd update:
Last week as soon as I said it was time to leave for childcare she got upset and kept saying 'Mummy home, Mummy home'. When we got there she was so upset. I hung around for a while trying to calm her down but wasn't sure if I was making it worse so a carer took over and I left a poor upset girl. I was almost crying myself. They obviously saw I was upset because they called about half an hour later saying she was pretty good by then. I called a few hours later and she was still fine. When I arrived to pick her up she was happily running around outside and I had to drag her out of there... :/

This morning she was upset again but not 'quite' so much. I didn't hang around as long, but when I left I stood outside the door (where she couldn't see me) and she just kept crying out 'Mummy, Mummy' for a few mins. it felt like hours and Made me feel terrible. She was soon distracted and happily reading. I'll call for an update in a little while.

Gee I feel mean. I know it's good for her to keep going though. I just wish we didn't have this unsettled period :(

It's heartbreaking to hear them like that! The fact that she calms down quickly after you've gone is a really good sign, I think you definitely need to keep her going to childcare, cause if you have a break and then go back it'll probably be worse.

Big :hug: hun, it's hard!

Thanks Jaycee. I agree that the fact she calms down is a good sign, it doesn't make you feel any less terrible though!

Oh Chody i'm sorry to hear she's still upset :hug:

DD was like this when she first started childcare, she was only going 1 day per week then too. she started in september, and took her until mid december (i.e. her last day of the year before a 3 week break :lol:) to fully settle in - as in not crying when we leave her or pick her up. She would get super upset that we would leave her, but settle down within a couple minutes of us leaving (or being out of sight), and when we called during the day she would be good, occasional whinging before lunch, but was easily redirected and was happy, but after lunch she was great.
When doing enrolments the director suggested putting her in 2 days p/w as she's seen quite a few kids go through this, and 2 days (generally back-to-back is best) helps them settle in that bit faster, only coming that one day means they don't have the chance to get used to it quite as quickly as the kids who are there more.
DD used to get to the point where she'd even cry when she saw us coming up to "school". :( it broke my heart!
Now i tell her we're going to school, and she loves it! tries to grab her bag and head for the door! :lol: and when we get there she runs down the path and can't wait to get in! lol. We're currently in the process of getting her happier with pickup time, as if we get there after the other mums start coming, she tends to get unsettled and a bit upset, but none the less, she's still happy there!

One thing that we found helped us was a very quick drop off. We would go in, put her bag down, hand her to a carer (who would be aware of what to do) and have a quick kiss and goodbye and out we go. DD would still get upset, but it was nowhere near as bad as when we stuck around trying to prolong the inevitable. After we left the carer would keep DD with her and try to distract her and keep her happy until she calmed down too. This, coupled with the fact we tried to get there just before morning tea (9am) was a huge help in getting her settled. having morning tea available to her not long after we left helped hugely to distract her and settle her for the day, and it gave her a routine and something to expect and look forward to when she got in.

I hope that makes sense, it's a bit jumbled as i'm in a hayfever daze, but yeah :) :hug: it's hard when they cry during drop off :( it always made me feel so rotten! :hug:

Gawd I hate mummy guilt!

The fact that she's settling down fairly quickly is a good sign. She may just be feeling overwhelmed by all the changes in her life. What can seem minor to us is major to a little one. Like the others have said, routine, being consistent, being positive...it all helps.

When DS2 went through a similar phase (and I still keep it up now, even though he's happy to go) I would walk through the door, ask him to put his bag away, sign him in, put sunscreen on, have a quick chat to the carer, give him a kiss (and quick cuddle) and say goodbye (with a smile and something like "see ya later aligator"). I kept it short and sweet and don't look back in case I catch his eye.

In the afternoon we talk about his day and I ask lots of questions and listen to what he has to tell me. Now we have moved on to learning the days of the week. He's starting to understand what things he does on what days.

The other thing I've done when I've had concerns is to talk to his carer (and/or the director). They agreed to give me updates and let me know how he was going throughout the day (although this was for a different situation).

:hug: