Bf motivation wavering

I was all geared up to bf this next baby early and mid pg but now I've hit the third tri and emotionally I'm up and down and tired I seem to be back up on the fence again I know I'll definitely antenatally express so bubba has colostrum instead of formula top ups if blood sugar is low again but beyond that I fear my mental health declining again and I think the only way I can cope is to ff it's like I feel like I can't escape from baby if I bf because ill have to do all feeds and I don't want to get into expressing

Well it's obviously up to you and you need to do what's best for your family.

If you really want to bf though could you:
1. Take it day by day - don't think that You're going to be the sole person feeding your bub for x months but rather I am going to do this today
2. You could bf and do the occasional formula feed so you have a break - you don't have to bf exclusively...
3. If you wanted to express a little, you could express enough each day so DH can do the 'last feed' before bed so you can get to bed a little earlier an have a break for a feed. I do this and it is great. I still express before bed so I haven enough for the next day. Alternatively you could do formula for this one feed.

On the other hand, if you really don't want to bf then that's a choice you are entitled to make. You need to do what's best for your family. If formula feeding will mean you are a happier Mum then maybe that's a choice you can make.

:hug:

Could you start talking to a LC now? Find a support in the aba?

Is there someone who can get help for now with your mind so you have a plan for when it starts?

What's your biggest fear?

(Sorry lots of questions!)

I will meet a LC before baby is born and get her to help after

My fears are
-Ill fail or become sick again and have to go through the physical and emotional pain of stopping
- ill get PND again and not be able to escape my baby and get brain space
- trying to learn from scratch with a 16 month old to look after
-a whole bunch more I'm sure

My husband doesn't care either way and I know she will survive if I don't I ff my son from day 4 after falling ill with an infection and not being able to get out of bed I didn't recover for over 2 months but mainly I'm worried about my mental health

I can't win either way though I don't want to go through the up and down of bf but I don't want to feel the disappointment I felt with ds for the first year

Big hugs Jellybean. You certainly had a very rough time last time. It's no wonder you're feeling apprehensive.
Having a baby can be an overwhelming responsibility. And as mum, the work does usually fall to us, regardless of how we feed. I wonder, how much support do you have at home otherwise? Will your DH have time off to help out for a while? Any other available? I feel this may be particularly important for you with your fear of PND recurring.

At this point, you have options. You can always change your mind later on. If breastfeeding is something you would like to do, perhaps you could see what you can do now to prepare yourself as well as possible beforehand. Have you considered taking a breastfeeding education class with the ABA? This also includes membership, so you have access to a local peer support group and counselling. Learning and preparing would give you the option to breastfeed. And maybe think about ways your partner and others could help you if you are breastfeeding - even if they can't do feeds, there are lots of other things that need doing with the kids and around the house.

Do you have a mental health plan and support people if you do suffer PND again?

I don't know whether starting then stopping would be worse for you than never starting, but your body will be expecting to breastfeed, so there will still be some impact on you regardless, I would think.

Take care. I hope you find some clarity with a bit of time.

Thanks

Yeah I still see my psychologist and dh was very supportive last time and was actually the one who decided last time to ff and he did every feed and nappy and settling for the first month , he will be taking 3 weeks off this time and my mum will come up for a week or so

I have plenty of friends who helped me through it last time

That's good. I'm sure it must be helpful to have lots of support.

Yay all booked in with lactation consultant at 35 weeks she sounded so lovely too

Great! hope it goes well

That's awesome that you're booked in with a LC, hopefully that will help you work through all your fears and anxiety over bf your little bub. Sounds like you had a terrible time last time around, but I just wanted to let you know that bf'ing your little one can also be one of the most rewarding things you do as well, I hope your experience is a very positive one this time around :hug:

I'm really glad you've booked into an LC, that's great. MadB has made some good points - a breastfeeding education class could really help. Just take it one day at a time, one feed at a time xx

I've also booked in with my psychologist to talk it over

I just wanted to offer some hugs.

I don't know the full story of your last birth/early days and even if I did I can only imagine how tough it was.

It sounds like you've got lots of good support lined up so try not to over think things and just take it one day at a time.

My breastfeeding journey has not been completely problem free but I found once feeding was working properly I could actually zone out for a lot of feeds. Browsing the Internet and belly belly on my phone while DD fed made it feel like 'me time' and I sometimes forgot she was even latched on. It's probably not so simple with a toddler to think about too but reframing the way you think about breastfeeding time might help if you choose to go down that path.