Staring at another negative

Devastated is the only word that comes to mind.

I needed someone to share with, I hope you guys dont mind.

At 16 I fell pregnant when a condom broke and although I wanted to keep the baby, family pressure led me to have an abortion. I just never considered that becoming pregnant again would be an issue, yet here I am 12 years later and it just isn't happening.

It has been four years of trying, of tears and of seeing everyone around me give birth to beautiful little bundles of joy.

I have the most incredible partner, I am blessed in so many ways, I should be happy and content with the life I have. Yet I obsess, day in and day out about conceiving. Whether its tracking my ovulation or reading into any possible bout of sickness or fatigue as an early preganancy symptom before I get to pee on a stick.

I am tired, exhausted of it all.

My partners sister is pregnant with her second after only just obtaining custody of her first again, my best friend has given custody of her two daughters to their fathers and has just had an abortion with her new partner and I just can't help but to be so dissapointed because all I want is a baby.

I know it is making me depressed and I know the longer it goes on, I become more obsessed yet I can't stop it. I can't just 'take a break' like people suggest because what if thats the month it is meant to happen and I miss it.

No one can find anything wrong which makes things worse. Sperm count is high and healthy and there is nothing physically wrong with me, it is just simply not happening, without explanation.

Sorry for the long, depressing post, I am just so dissapointed. again. :(

:hug: I'm sorry hun.
I hope you find lots of support here.

I am sorry your journey to motherhood has not come easily. Don't worry about obsessing. I personally think thats completely normal for many of us and something we can't just switch of and its not going to prevent you getting pregnant if you do obsess or you don't. I know when I couldn't fall pregnant or did and m/c the whole ttc thing occupied my every thought. Even now I have had that baby 2years ago and we have not been preventing a large part of me still hopes to get pregnant, analyses every ache and pain etc and we aren't actively ttc at present.
What tests have you had? Have you seen a fertility specialist, had a laparoscopy/hystoscopy etc? I just ask because there are alot of basic tests a GP can test and then there are some mre indepth ones.

massive hugs.

Big hugs from me too! There are lots of ladies here who can sympathise and commiserate with you.

Hugs and I can totally relate. It took me many years of trying to get to where I am today and the feelings you describe are still raw in me.
I wish you luck and hope something happens soon for you x

Hi knel, welcome to BB. I so sorry your TTC journey is causing you such heartache :hug:

Why don't you pop over to the long term TTC thread? There are, sadly, lots of women who are in a similar situation to yours. You'll find them here:
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...2013-a-189285/

I totally get it sweetheart xox

join us in the LTTTC thread like OP said its busy in there at the moment and a really great support x

huge hugs x

I'm so sorry, we know what you're going through. I'm with myturn and OceanPrincess, come and join us. I couldn't get through this without the ladies in there!

Welcome Knel, I know how blind unexplained infertility can make you feel. It's a hard road so dearly wanting a baby. I hope you can find some support and breathing space here.