don't know how to take the next step
I moved into the spare bedroom a few weeks/months ago.
We have completely stopped communication except to do with the kids, and 'how was your day?' and talking about practicalities of daily life. When the kids go to bed, I go into 'my' lounge room and he goes into his. This is the extent of our relationship and has been for as long as I can remember.
We tried counselling, he said he loves me, I told him I am not getting anything emotionally or physically from him and I am not prepared to live as house mates for the rest of my life. He agreed things weren't ideal. Counselor gave us ideas and things to try to improve the situation. We didn't do any of them. Nothing has changed.
I have felt like this periodically over the 8 years we have been together. He refuses to really talk about anything and seems okay to live like this. I am not okay with it, but am living with it, for the sake of the kids I guess.
I am getting to the point where I am angry all the time at home, I'm angry with the kids, angry at my situation, I'm lonely, I'm teary, I feel like I'm on the brink of an emotional breakdown... I am too scared to tell my family for fear of their reaction. I have left before for a few days and then gone back.
I have the resources to rent a house and move out. I am just overwhelmed with how to do it. What about all the stuff? There's so much that goes into a house, like plates, dishes, sheets, beds - I know this is all stuff that doesn't really matter but moving a 3 & 6 year old into a new house, I need to have stuff so that life can go on.
I don't know where to turn or what to do next. I am racked with guilt tearing my family apart because I am not happy. I want more out of life than a room mate. I am so scared and emotional and can't eat. I feel like I know what I want to do, but cannot function properly to actually do it. He won't leave, so it means I have to take my kids from our family home and move into another house. It kills me to do this, but at the same time I know it has to be this way, as I would be too sad to stay in this house.
The kids love him and he adores them. He is a good dad. We are just not right together and I feel I have completely lost sense of who I am. I feel so neglected. I haven't been hugged, kissed, or cared for in what feels like forever.
Any advice or comments appreciated.
don't know how to take the next step
No advice but couldn't read and not post. The situation doesn't sound right for you. I wanted to offer you some hugs.
Re: don't know how to take the next step
just wanted to offer hugs. it must be hard.
I have no advice but there are plenty of fantastic women on here who will have.
xoxo
don't know how to take the next step
Sorry that you find yourself in this situation.
Maybe you both have got lost in being parents and other roles that you both don't know who you are anymore?
It doesn't sound like its completely gone, just off track.
Have you tried, to just spend time together alone? Not all the time but say once a week to start off with. Maybe this time could be spent not talking about anything but each other. Tell him how you are feeling, vice versa. Guys are sometimes clueless!
My parents started off like this, and eventually my mum realised she had lost herself (there were and still are, other issues) but she kept telling my dad everything was fine. So he took it as that.
He still regrets not taking time out to work on stuff. 20+ years later.
Re: don't know how to take the next step
I understand your situation.
If your ready to finish it, to really go you'll feel it.
May I ask why you would do it while he's at work? are you worried about something?
I would suggest talking with a lawyer, just so you know how the land lies and what's ok / not ok. With kids involved its always a good thing to know.
Then I would talk with your hubby. Give him a finally chance, and a timeframe to do.something in.
If he blows it, then take your time and get everything together.
Like pp said, if your going to move out, and you have the kids, take the big ticket -need to have stuff. Washing machine, fridge etc.
You will need to know what you can take and what you will need to buy.
It feels huge but can be a great way to de-clutter and start fresh.
I'm about to do a similar thing :)
Scary but liberating too