Recovering from third degree tears

My gorgeous DS unfortunately caused some damage during his recent arrival. Despite an episiotomy I still received three third degree tears which split in different directions all the way to my bottom, one of which also tore a blood vessel causing a large bleed. I also got damage to the internal vaginal walls. And now have some haemmoroids.

I'm wondering if anyone who experienced similar damage could comment on the time taken to recover? I'm thinking about pain while going to the toilet, moving around in general, and DTD (which currently terrifies me).

I had tears up into the vaginal wall, on both sides, and I was perfectly comfortable having sex after about 3 months. To be fair, we would have tried earlier, I was up for it at about 6 weeks, but my bleeding didn't turn to spotting until 3 months, and that put us both off for a while. Interestingly, on one side the vaginal wall tear continues externally into my labia minora, and the repair work didn't quite take - I now have a 1/2cm diameter hole in the labia. Just in case I ever want jewellery there. ;)

I had same but not at back on sides oddly enough pain and healing took at least 2months , dtd wasn't as traumatic as I expected it would be

But one thing ill stress to you is do your pelvic floor exercises every day I didn't and now I have a prolapse due to the damage

I had a small epis and a lot of internal stitches- up to the urethra on one side. The first week they were fine, the second week they must have been healing as they were agony, I couldn't sit for a few days and had to have sitz baths ( highly recommended) and a lot of pain killers ( panadol, nurofen), also ice packs. by the 3rd week the stitches fell out and it wasn't painful.
All good now 7 weeks down the track, we haven't dtd yet but are planning to soon, so will let you know. Earlier on I had a feel around my epis site and it felt painful but I tried it again recently and it doesn't seem to hurt now, so fingers crossed.
The third degree tear will be a different matter, have you been referred to a physio? You should have been, and you should be on a lot of laxatives to avoid constipation. I would use ice packs to the area ( I think its 10mins at a time every 2 hours), rest a lot if you can ( I fed lying down a lot), the other thing that helped the general area were the SRC recovery shorts, they help compress the area.

It took me probably 2-3 weeks to be able to go to the toilet properly, 4 weeks to feel comfortable and 7+ months to have sex.

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It took me probably 2-3 weeks to be able to go to the toilet properly, 4 weeks to feel comfortable and 7+ months to have sex.

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This was me but it was closer to a year for the sex, lots of lube and go very slow it is really only now that I feel completely comfortable but I think a lot of that was fear of pain.

I still to this day suffer with my roids.

Oh MrsP, tearing sux! I had pretty well 4th degree (no episiotomy) with DD and like you DTD terrified me! I took a long time to heal but also had a broken tail bone to boot so I think that may have cause a lot of my pain too. Going to the toilet took several weeks to not suck my breath in, moving around more freely was about a month but still had to take things VERY slowly ie sitting, putting legs apart etc. DTD about 4 months and that was too soon we discovered. It took about 12 months to feel confident walking and sneezing ;) buuuuut it will all heal eventually :hug:

Thanks girls. DS is 13 days old today. I had a couple of hairy days around day 9-10, the pain was quite different and I could barely walk. Then on day 11 I came down with mastitis so ended up at my OBs office for a checkup. While there he checked my "wound" and confirmed it was the stitches tightening, particularly the internal vaginal ones. But he said they were healing ok. I've got my third lot of painkillers now and still need them otherwise I'm getting breakthrough pain.
Bowel movements are still uncomfortable and despite taking coloxyl and lots of water I'm getting a bit constipated. Sigh.
I can see this recovery taking a long time. Trying not to let it get me down and need to stop questioning myself about why I didn't just have another csect, especially since my VBAC wasn't anything like what I wanted. But I guess that's all part of the mental recovery process and really I am just going to have to learn to let go of all that.

Maybe you could try a different laxative to help your bowels? I recently used lactulose after a fourth degree tear and it did the job really well (or maybe it was the prunes I was eating every day as well- there was no way I was risking a hard bowel motion!)

Ok next question - wind control... Or lack of it! DS is now four weeks old and I still have NO control over passing wind. It's very embarrassing. I'm doing pelvic floor work but no improvement yet. And when I say passing wind, it's like full on trumpeting! Noisy and long!! Please someone tell me this gets better? My six week checkup is soon so I'm hoping to get some answers then too.

This should get better as your pelvic floor gets stronger... If you're not losing control of your bowels as well (ie, leaking poo unintentionally as well as wind) then your pelvic floor must be working to some extent at least. It's harder to control wind than solids. For the amount of damage you had, it's early days for you pelvic floor's recovery. One common issue is that many, many women don't actually perform pelvic floor exercises correctly, so it is definitely worth telling your Dr at the 6 week check about the lack of wind control, and asking him/her to check your pelvic floor contraction to check your technique. Either way, it may well be worth your while getting a referral to a women's health physio for further advice and treatment. These things are often best dealt with sooner, rather than later, and for a lot of women, a couple of sessions can make the difference between effective, useful exercises, and a frustrating waste of time and effort.

Also, if you;re still on some kind of stool softener or laxative, and eating a high fibre diet, lots of dried fruit, etc, that may be making you much windier than usual, so that will be contributing too.

What Pholi said. I had similar issues with wind. physio checked my pelvic floor at eight weeks PP and said it was great given i had a 4 th degree tear but i still had some wind incontinence. at 12 weeks PP my control of wind is almost complete. My physio told me there is a particular nerve that will take six months to completely heal and we would know for sure then if the wind incontinence was an issue. Keep doing those pelvic floor exercises!

I had a 4th degree tear and took a long time to recover. My main advice is rest rest rest! Sure get up and move around but give your body time to heal. I had problems with undiagnosed infections which prolonged the tear recovery. It also sounds like you could use more softeners for your stools. Metamucil and Normacot were what I used with coloxyl. Life will be much more pleasant for you if you don't need to worry about constipation. It took me about 4 months to DTD and found it was actually ok. My Ob wanted me to in case I needed a little bit of reconstruction. Things had changed for sure but not for the worse, it was kind of interesting to have different angles etc and getting to know the new me down there lol.
I also had trouble with controlling wind but Pilates was a godsend and really improved everything so gently. I can't recommend it high enough. I started it about a year on but wish I'd done so earlier. It helped a heap for my next pg too.
Best of luck and please give yourself time to recover and call on any support you can to help you.

Pholi - good advice :) I will definitely as for a physio referral. I'm unsure if I am doing the exercises properly - I do them mostly lying on my side and pretty much just try to clench and hold for a few seconds while still breathing!
I guess I was thinking it should be improving so good to know this timeline is normal. Also I didn't think about how diet etc could be making more wind than normal. Because man there has been so much more than normal!

NicNac good to hear the timeline you experienced and that the physio helped :)

Dusty - your recovery sounds tough too. DTD is a scary concept for me, I'm not sure I'd be ready at 4 mths but who knows! Pilates is a great suggestion - my problem of course is finding the time but that's always a problem for us Mummies. I am trying to rest as much as I can, DS is a terrible sleeper though so it's not going too well at the moment!