Dealing with sooking & whinging

DD is 2.5 yrs. DS is three weeks old today.
DD is getting progressively worse with sooking and crying and whinging if she doesn't get her own way, if we tell her no, if we ask her to do something (even the most simple stuff). Everything becomes the biggest challenge imaginable. Shes also regressing slightly with TT and having wee accidents a lot (they were a rare occurenve prior to this).
I know that this is normal for her age, and probably expected to be worse given DS's arrival. But I am experiencing severe sleep deprivation (DS has suspected silent reflux and barely sleeps and is unsettled a lot) and I'm honestly at the end of my patience.

Can anyone advise their secret tips for dealing with this before I go insane??

Mine (7) whined all morning. We finally had it out, all the way to finale over the issue of whining, storming off and door slamming, for the first time. I gave her a warning to speak to mummy nicely and not bang doors. She tells me i'm interrupting so I tell her she has two minutes to talk with no interruptions- she whines the whole time! Threw in a foot stamp and some righteous indignation. Ended up going downhill, I gave her a warning and timeout in her room. She slammed the door on the way in- when she finished her timeout she came to see me and wouldn't look at me and kept being generally loud and whingy. Gave her warnings and ten minutes in timeout (dragged her under armpits into bathroom.) i also cancelled her sleepover at the cousins' tonight. I have gastro and a ten week old, just wasn't up for it today. She's been an angel all afternoon.

I've let her get away with a bit during late pregnancy as I separated from partner and she's been thru alot of changes. But time for everything to go back to normal.

When she was 3 and 4 the biggest thing was being on top of it. Pulling her up every single time she starts up, and make it a house rule with consequences. It's purely a battle of the wills. Enjoy.

Hi Katters - well it sounds like its all downhill from here ha ha. Awesome. Good point on pulling her up every time, we are trying to do that. Also just starting to introduce consequences. She's young but very smart so she understands. She had a tanty at lunch so the tv went off (she is allowed to watch a little bit with lunch) and she continued and refused to eat her lunch so she was sent to bed early for her nap. Will see if her mood improves after a sleep...

I always just said I couldn't understand them when they whinged and I would only speak to them if they spoke properly without whinging. Most times that worked. Other times I would just walk away and say I wasn't talking to them when they were like that and I'd talk to them later when they had stopped.

I try to be zen about it. It's just how kids communicate when they're upset or really want something. It's often just an expression of their need for attention, or maybe they're tired or hungry and not coping well themselves. We do the same as adults, it's just that we aren't so dependent on the attention and responsiveness of the adults around us so don't tend to irritate each other quite so much ;)
I try not to punish or criticise the behaviour, as they can't stop it and they're not trying to be annoying or difficult, it's just the way they feel. It is hard at times, particularly when I'm really tired! I do lose my temper at times. I try to take myself away for a breather if I can.

With all the changes that have happened in her little world I'd probably forgive most things for a while. We forget but 2.5 years is still very very little. My son was 18 months when his brother was born and he turned into a not very nice person for about a year. Very rough, biting, generally out of control and no respect for the boundaries I set.

I just tried to take each day as it comes and maximised our mum / older child time together.

This too will pass.

I'm trying to be more relaxed about her behaviour but its hard - today I swear she didn't go 5 minutes all day without a whinge or cry. But hey tomorrow is another day...

Things are definitely tough for you at the moment!

I know it's hard with DS, but I find DD1 has better, less wingey days when I've managed to plan my day a bit to include various activities that just aren't playing with toys. In her case, I think she sometimes winges due to boredom. I try to do a couple of 'special' things each day (morning and afternoon). Might be going to the supermarket, park, play dough, painting, cooking, anything we can do together that's not just toys really......I find she's generally a happier little girl then...

I too have found that structured activities help a lot when new babys are around. Art and craft is an easy way to engage the children and you can be holding baby at the same time.
All of mine have had reflux and I found wearing them in a sling a god send. Baby is happy and upright helps, you can use your arms and get stuff done.

I too say I can't understand them if they are whining or shouting. But I find if they are doing it a lot they are in need of some extra cuddles.

Its a big time for you all :)