Dealing with a two year old

I'm over it.

She is violent, can tantrum for hours, refuses to sleep/eat/get dressed/shower/bath/change dirty nappy/insert other completely reasonable request. When she doesn't get her own way instantly, she melts down. Seriously screams and throws herself on the floor for ages, won't be comforted, won't be distracted. Well she may be distracted for short times but will return to meltdown mode despite our best efforts. She hits and pinches and pulls hair when she wants what DS does. DS of course is a complete moron and lets her do it while crying "mummy she hit/pinched/hurt me". I have told him over & over to move away from her when she does it but he won't :wall:. She's been like this for a few months now and has only just turned two. Comforting, ignoring, time out, time in, distracting, bribery, punishment (ie toys taken away) - nothing works!!

I'm screaming banshee mum ATM because I just can't cope with it. I realise it's probably normal, I'm sure DS did similar things I just can't really remember (how the memory fades lol!).

Tell me it will end. And soon. Please.

And please share your terrible 2yo stories to make me feel normal again :)

Oh, that sucks. :hug:

With DS2 the only solution that I found was food and sleep seemed to be a trigger. It changed his behaviour and he is back to being my sweet wonderful boy again.

Have you tried a change of diet?

I have to limit sugars and certain colours (yellow, red, green) and make sure he gets his sleep. We also used key words and actions to show him. "Stop, I don't like it" (and held up a hand as a stop sign - your DS could use this too) and "You need to walk away now" (gently lead him to another area/room/somewhere away from what he is doing). It was repetitive and seemed to be getting no where until we took a good hard look at his diet and then it all seemed to gel together.

We still have moments, but nothing like it was.

Good luck!

Thanks Cass. Talk about an AHA! moment! Normally our diets are really good - very little processed stuff at all and I limit all numbers on what processed stuff we do buy as it has a big effect on DS. But in the last few months we have had all four birthdays plus easter plus a few other kids birthday parties in between so lots of junk food around that isn't normally available to her. That could definitely be what's affecting her. Thank you for pointing it out as in my current state it simply didn't even enter my mind!

I'm not sure what we could do about her sleep though?! What do you do when they just flat out refuse to sleep. We have a routine so she knows it's sleep time. Bath or shower (usually her choice unless it's not possible), into pjs, book or ITNG, BF followed by cuddle, then bed. She fights it every step of the way. I try so hard to be patient and let her calm down and encourage her to co-operate as I hate forcing her to do things. She fights & fights until she is so exhausted, she normally falls asleep in my arms crying. It's so stressful for both of us. I've tried music but if she wants it, DS doesn't and vice versa :wall: She won't let me massage her. Do you think I should take her for a walk in the pram? I haven't tried that. DH would be there for DS so may be an option. I might try that tonight. I need the exercise anyway ;)

A nice walk might do you both good. You both get lots of benefits including fresh air, some time together, exercise, away from the house.....

I know what you mean about the "aha moment". I had a massive one when I started looking closely at labels of healthy food - gah! no wonder the little tot was wound up!

One thing that I do now is make sure that I have a meal ready to go for DS2 that can just be heated up as soon as we get home from work/childcare. If he's hungry he doesn't like to wait and from there it's just a hop, skip and a jump away from a full-on major meltdown and then nothing goes in! So I'll put aside little containers of pasta, mild curry, casseroles etc., (things that freeze easily) so he can eat when he needs it. If I've run out it's scrambled eggs on toast (always a winner in his book!). FWIW, my DH is an absolute so and so when he's hungry too so I'm guessing it's in the genes.

I read somewhere that holding your little one and letting them have a good cry is actually beneficial for them - particularly when they've had a long day. It's kind of like us having a bit of a rant at the end of a ****e day. I've done that a few times with DS2 whereby, I don't say anything just let him lay on my chest and we rock back and forth in our chair until he cries it all out and falls asleep. Sometimes it's all you can do.

You'll get there...this too shall pass!

You just described my DD1. I'm assuming it's some degree of normal. Her diet is great, we've cut out a lot in terms of colours and preservatives (not that there was much to begin with, but we make all biscuits for example instead of buying) and that's helped heaps, but she still goes off, and often at the moment. We're just pushing through and hoping it ends eventually.

Can you breastfeed her through tantrums and feed to sleep if she is resisting? (I saw you mention bf so I am assuming you are still feeding).

Breastfeeding seems to be paramount to my kids at two and is the best parenting tool I have when they get over tired and over stimated.

Otherwise keep food and drink on hand always, do lots of skin on skin and cuddles, lots of tickle games to get the sillies out and be very firm about violence. Ds has to sit or lie on the floor when he hits.

It's an aggressive age I think and they do lash out at older siblings. Dd sounds like your eldest And will NOT move away from ds but just provokes him. It's tiring!!

My DS2's tanties have escalated recently also. I have started to try using a calm and gentle voice, sometimes whispering to DS2. No matter how frustrated and cranky I feel! And trust me I feel like my head might explode some days. I have also tried making my responses less negative. Trying not to say no, don't, can't, and then distracting or showing the correct behaviours...so instead of 'DS2, no don't hit your brother', it's 'DS2, you hurt DS1 when you hit him, gentle hands' and we do gentle hands on each other (as in patting or hugs). Instead of 'No you can't have crackers now'; It's 'Lunch time is soon. You can have crackers after lunch, lets go outside!'.
HTH!
Good luck. 2 is a hard age for some kids! Though I never really had terrible 2's with my first two kids! It's tough dealing with someone so unreasonable, and egotisitcal, who doesn't understand or see things from other's POV.

this is my DD to a T!!!!

she is a nightmare, im stunned at how a 2y4m old child can be so feral! :o

we have recently cut as many additives and preservatives from her diet as possible and have also started trying to take a calm approach and not raise our voices with her, which is a bloody hard task some days :doh::doh::doh:

we are also trying to not sat the word "no" again another huge challenge.

im making sure im offer 2 alternatives so that she can choose and still think she has the power.

she asked for a icy pole for breakfast on sunday and rather than saying no, i said yes you can have one after lunch but for now you can have strawberries or an apple and after asking again and me repeating what i said, she happily decided on strawberries.

she finds it hard ot control her frustration so god knows how to fix that!

Just putting another spin on things - my twins are 23mths old and one of their traits is tantrum throwing but to an extreme. Will fight and kick and go on for excessive amounts of time and both of them are seeing a Speech Therapist as they have developmental delays (both differing delays) and the speechie has told me she sees signs of them both displaying traits of ASD. As they are still young it is a wait and see approach with using services available to us, but if you think her behaviour is to the extreme it might be worth having her assessed, even if it is to give you peace of mind that she is just a normal 2yr old :)