Returning to work in a few weeks - so a letter to my Daughter....
Gah, I'm struggling, the tears they keep flowing. I remember feeling this way just before I finished my maternity leave with DS, so I wrote him a letter which is now a beautiful keepsake....
As the emotions are flowing today, I wrote DD her own letter...... I'm going to miss her so much while I am at work. I know the first few days and weeks will be especially hard for us both and I am writing this with tears absolutely streaming. I just need to cry!
To My Dearest Darling Annika,
It seems like long ago I wrote your brother Bailey a letter close to the time I was finishing my maternity leave for him, I have had it in my mind to write your letter, and today feels like a good time as I am overcome with the emotions that come when you realise your precious maternity leave is coming to an end.
Before you were conceived I wondered if I would be lucky enough to have another baby, I wanted you so much, my heart and arms ached to hold my own newborn again, but without too much fuss and with the miracle of IVF again, we were pregnant again and excitedly making plans to welcome you to our family.
It goes without saying that Daddy and I love you to the moon and back, when we discovered we were having a daughter we were both delighted, as was your big brother who told us you were a girl the very day we told him we were having a baby sibling for him. Since I was a little girl myself I always wanted a son first then a daughter (so her big brother would look out for her), I’ve been very lucky and blessed.
Your pregnancy was pretty breezy, you decided to enter the world two days before your due date in a speedy fashion, and we made it to the hospital with ten minutes to spare. You had teased me for a few weeks with lots of pre-labour though. Your birth was pretty easy, and I enjoyed holding you close and feeding you moments after birth, even though I was in a bit of shock that you were in my arms so quick. I will never forget the look of absolute happiness on Bailey’s face when he held you for the first time, he was in awe, and was so happy to meet you; the smile on his face had never been brighter.
We bought you home quickly, Mummy was keen to bring you home and be united with Bailey, and start our life as a family of four. It was lovely to have a baby in the house again and your big brother would jump up to help every time you cried, helping Mummy sooth or feed you, bringing nappies, the spew cloth, toys or dummies until you were happy again. Mummy’s favourite photos are always the ones of her two babies together.
You are so like and so unlike your brother. Your smile, your giggle and your busy play all remind me of Bailey, but you are a special little girl who already knows what she wants, is determined, strong and not afraid to be loud. These qualities will serve you well in life Anni – I can see you taking over the world (in a good way) and being successful in all that you do, you have that special sparkle already. Your sense of humour is fun, you love to muck around and giggle, I know you will entertain us with lots of harmless hijinks in the coming years. When I watch you and Bailey play together I get giddy, you take such delight in each other, and I am certain you save your biggest smiles for him.
You love my cuddles and I love yours, rocking you to sleep is precious, I love how you snuggle into my chest and relax, you hold my hand or my necklace as you fall asleep. In the middle of the night you roll over to me for a feed, snuggle in, and then promptly fall back to sleep contented and happy. I love the way you put your arms up for constant cuddles and play, you always want to be with your Mummy, and we’ve barely been apart since the day you were born.
The thought of returning to work and not being with you all day breaks my heart in two, while I know you will be in good hands with Daddy until I am part time again, I know I will miss you each and every moment, I will have to be careful not to get a speeding fine on the way home each day, as I will be aching to hold you in my arms again. No one can look after or know their baby as well as their Mother can, it’s just the way it is, I’ve felt your heart beat from the inside and I know your every need and want. I know what each expression on your face means, what you want when you cry, what you like to play with, eat, when you are getting sleepy, hungry or just need a Mummy cuddle. The thought of not being there for all these things devastates me, but I will up skill Daddy the best I can (he’s pretty awesome truth be told, so don’t be too hard on him). I carried you inside for 39 weeks and 5 days, and ironically as I write this it’s your 39th week and 5th day of life in my arms outside. While I may not be here in person every moment moving forward, know that I am here every moment in your heart and mine.
My wish as your Mum is that when you are grown, that you will think I’ve done a great job as your Mum, and that you will always feel unconditionally loved and supported. If this rings true then I will be happy.
To my sweet gorgeous girl, I love you more than life itself, thank you for an amazing journey so far, we have lots to look forward to as Mother and Daughter and I look forward to continuing to watch you grow.
Thank you Annika ...... xxx
I love you
Forever yours, Mummy
Returning to work in a few weeks - so a letter to my Daughter....
I have tears rolling down my face. So beautifully written. I think I'll write a letter to DD when I go back to work in August. .
Returning to work in a few weeks - so a letter to my Daughter....
Tears rolling down my face too. What a beautiful letter
