Letting it out!!

Hey to all,

So im completely new to this type of thing and im not very sure as to what to say but ill take a stab in the dark.... (just to put everyone on the same page, i also suffer from depression/anxiety so this is a big thing for me to do)

My partner and i have been together for 6 years and with no luck in the baby department as yet, This time last year i got diagnosed with PCOS and it really shocked and scared me for a while there, you know thinking that i would never have a family of my own..... i mean i have the works... overweight, irregular periods, unwanted hair you name it, i have it.

So since then i have tried exercising my heart out/eating right plus i know this is going to sound crazy to most but i even set up a room in the house with baby items in it with my exercise equipment to keep me motivated, Which works well.
But what really gets to me is that ( i know this is going to sound sad or even hateful but its only true) family members and friends so happy with their newborns and children and i wonder why im not worthy, what have a done which makes me such a bad person that i shouldn't be blessed with having children. The toughest thing is that i have to congrats them and be happy for them in which i truly am but i just find it so hard to put on a smile and pretend everything is just fine. plus when i try to explain what im going through, they always say "you know, your only young, you have heaps of time for a family."
Its so crippling that i cant even hold my newborn niece because of it... silly i know.

Anyways i guess im hear to spill it all out because well my sister in law said it may help to find people out there which are battling the same battle.

Thank you for reading my story. :wall:

Hi there, what you are feeling is not silly or unusual. Many of us have felt similar to you. I couldn't not reply as you sound so sad. Pcos can make conceiving difficult but not impossible. Hopefully some of the ladies with pcos can point you to those threads to give you some pointers and hope.

pandabutt - You are certainly not on your own with how you are feeling. Please come and join us in the Long Term Trying to Conceive thread - we have a fantastic group of ladies and so much support. Here's the link: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...2013-a-190893/

Are you currently seeing a Fertility Specialist??

You are not alone at all. Iv got a 12 week old niece and have been ttc for over 2 years...im so glad shes here but its also like a stab to the heart. If you need to talk pm me. Huge huge hugs xxx

what you are feeling is totally normal. it doesnt feel nice, but it is really normal when having a baby is really really hard.

I was there just over 7 years ago with years of infertility and pg loss. i couldnt even go near the baby section of clothing stores (like target etc) as it would hurt so so much. i also did on one occasion buy a baby suit after I had a loss. i needed something to recognise what i had lost and what i had dreamed for. it was rolled up tightly and put in my cupboard but it meant the world to me.

It is so so hard to be happy for people while on the inside each congratulations and smile just rips further into your own feelings of inadequacy and failure. I get that :hug:

I hope, that like me, you get to have that much wanted baby, you do deserve it, we all do :hug:

Hey Pandabutt, I hope you get your BFP really soon! My friend with PCOS is now 20 weeks along after 3 years. Good luck x

As you may have noticed with all the posts above, you're definitely not alone in feeling that way!

PCOS can be simultaneously easy and tricky to treat - easy because for many (but not all) PCOS women it's just a matter of inducing O, but tricky getting the right dose because if it's too low you won't O and if it's too high you may over-respond (potentially life threatening in extreme cases).

It sounds like you've made good lifestyle changes, so keep with those and (if you haven't already) find yourself a good FS to help you with the PCOS. FX you don't have too much longer to wait for your BFP. :goodluck:

Wow, i really didn't expect so many replies so quickly too.

It really has filled me with hope with some of your stories for friends/family falling pregnant while suffering with pcos.
It is nice to finally meet some people who are also going through what i am.

Well, as to answer some of your questions, i was seeing a fertility specialist when i was living in Sydney but just as i started to see him, i had to move to Victoria (so kind of some back luck there). But on better news, im off to see my local GP today to see if they can point me in the right direction :crossfingers: I will keep all you lovely ladies posted.

And Thank you all for making me feel so welcome. :hug:

Pandabutt you are definately not alone. i to have pcos and ungortunately i am at the point after many years of trying and failed IUI's and ivf attempts that it may just be myself and hubby which was something I never thought I would be facing.
I have days where I can't see other people's kids and babies and other days I just want to cuddle them knowing I more than likely wont gave my own. I have not been able to see my niece born last nov until a few weeks ago, I did see he when she was burn but I didn't want my brother seeing my sadness on my face so didn't go see them for a while.
These feelings are things that are hard to control but you also need up do what feels right for you at the time. It has taken me a long time to realise sometimes you have to he selfish and think of yourself first.
There are plenty if us in here in similar situations and are always happy to talk. I hope you have some success soon and get to have your much longed for baby xoxo

Panda, you are definitely not alone with your journey. I myself have severe pcos with no AF unless on the pill (which was starting not to be consistent), excess hair, badly overweight (which I am trying to loose). I also have recently been diagnosed with depression and seeing a psychologist has started to help a little. My DH and I have been TTC for 4 years with trying IUI for 12 months unsuccessful. We were trying to save for IVF when we decided to pack up and move north to change our lives for the better.
When my sister-in-law announced she was pg with her fourth child I was devastated, I think I cried for days and I do believe my relationship with my nephew is different because of it and it devastates me that it has.
Writing this just feels so sad and negative looking at it all, but I wanted to let you know there are others out there going through the same thing. We are saving for IVF again and are hoping for our BFP this year as I have been told to hurry up by my doc as I have a few other issues and I might not have long to try). Good luck with your journey. Xx