Getting blamed for something they didn't do..

DD (5 years old) is in prep.

Today she comes home, in tears, telling me that during music (music teacher, not her usual classroom teacher) she got sent to the naughty spot and missed out on play time - as the teacher thought she said the 'F' naughty word. The teachers back was to the class as she was chatting to a teacher aide, when one of the kids said the word. Music teacher turns around and tells DD to go put her shoes on and sit on the naughty mat.

I asked DD why she didn't just simply state it wasn't her. She said she tried, but the teacher said "I don't want to hear it, go and put your shoes on". I have come across this teacher in my days as a supply teacher - and she has a very intimidating personality.


I know we're not suppose to believe everything that they say when it comes to school.... But I'm having a lot of trouble doing so in this case. I know, 100% that she wouldn't have said that word. Not a doubt in my mind. She's a people pleaser, teachers pet... She definitely does not swear (ever). If it were my DS.... I'd have my doubts however (haha).

Tomorrow I plan on talking to the classroom teacher and the teacher aide, to ask if they can tell me what happened. If they can't, I guess I'll have to track down the music teacher. I'm mostly worried about looking like the overreacting mother, currently 24 weeks pregnant - I'm very hormonal ;)

I'd have an issue with a 'naughty spot', to be quite honest! Shaming the child in front of his or her peers doesn't deal with the core issue of the behaviour and I doubt it teaches the child to do anything more than be a bit more sneaky in future so as not to get caught. Anyway, off track...

Like you, I would feel compelled to address the issue with the teacher and would start with the classroom teacher. How could the music teacher be certain that it was your DD if her back was turned? I would also be quite certain that my people pleasing teachers pet DD would never use that language, but I would suspect that my DS might be guilty! I would be inclined to address the issue of using a 'naughty spot' as punishment as much as speaking about this particular incident.

Remember to remain calm and rational! And also be prepared to accept that your DD might not have told you the whole story - there are three sides to every story, yours, mine and the truth. Perhaps the teacher can offer a different perspective. Good luck!

If you know it wasn't her pursue it! So what if they think you're 'one of those' mothers if you don't look out for her who will. Maybe her regular teacher will agree it would not have been your DD and have a chat with the music teacher. It would do her good to not be so dismissive when communicating(or not) with the kids. Obviously playtime can't be given back to your DD but at least she'll know you and possibly her regular teacher believe it wasn't her. I don't like the sound of the naughty spot anyway :(

See, I'm not sure I'd pursue it. If it was happening a lot, then absolutely but I think in any child's life they are going to get blamed for something they didn't do. If it was my child, I'd probably have a talk to her and say that I believed her but that sometimes teachers make mistakes. I'd probably ask her if she wanted me to talk to the teacher or not.

I agree with FIonas. Sometimes there are battles worth fighting, and others that are not. I guess what would be the point if talking to the teacher, if she is intimidating it maybe more trouble than its worth - absolutely if it happens again I would go to the school, but as a one off, I would try to help your child realise that sometimes people make mistakes and sometimes its important to to let things go - also you can't jump in to fight her battles for her after the situation happens all the time. Unless its really big and she is being hurt.

But at the same time it doesn't hurt to say to the class teacher "I think there was some misunderstanding yesterday with the music teacher and my DD was very upset last night, and I just wanted to let you know" rather than going in guns blazing and trying to get to the bottom of it... Cause to be honest, you won't. There is always two sides, and while I too think it was a misunderstanding teachers are busy and sometimes kids just need to let it go and listen. Not fair. But life often isn't, and I really believe its our job as parents to help kids cope with the unfair, not protect them from it or fix things.

IMHO

sucks to see your little one so upset though, ill bet :hug:

I think it's a good life lesson for her. Sometimes people think you are guilty of things you aren't guilty of. It will happen throughout her school life, whether it be peers or teachers accusing her. Better for her to learn how to deal with it than you going to the school about it.