Getting a 3yo to stay in bed all night

Help! DS was three in May and, since realising he's in a big boy bed and can get out whenever he wants, he's up 2-4 times a night, asking us to 'keep him company'. He's very easy to put back to bed and is asleep again in 5-10 mins. But it's not so easy for DH and myself to get back to sleep. He's always slept through before this, or had the odd night waking, but it was a rarity. We thought it was a phase, but has been going on for a good few months now.

He's a clingy little boy, who doesn't let us out of his sight during the day. There's no way he'd put himself back to bed, so suggestions would need to be gentle but firm, iykwim.

We've tried rewards for staying in bed, praise, the 'silent treatment'- no talking when we put him back to bed, no cuddles or comfort, but nothing seems to diminish the regular night visits!

I sympathise, my 3.5 year old comes into our bed every night, and until a month ago we had our 4 year old and 6 year old in our room on the floor too. We also have the 2 year old in our bed PMSL

We've got the 4 and 6 year olds out of our bedroom from a rewards chart, but the 3.5 wants nothing to do with it. She did sleep through for the first time ever last night though, so maybe seeing her brother and sister getting to go to the movies and getting maccas for lunch is making something tick over in her head haha

Um, I have no ideas though, otherwise I would have gotten mine out of my bed already. But I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone!

Similar'ish problem to me, gro clocks seem to work here is my journey which has lots of suggestions from others ....

Has anything changed in his daytime life? New childcare, toilet training, new sibling, moved house?? He may be asking for reassurance. (ETA that's what I needed when I got up in the night until I was about 5.)

No, no changes here that I can think of in the last few months. He started 3 yo kindy a month ago, but the night trips started before then. I agree, he definitely needs reassurance, 24/7! Eg Yesterday he wouldn't even go by himself from the lounge to his bedroom to get a toy car. This is a daily occurrence....going from one side of the room to the other without someone going with him results in tears. After a lot of work, I can now go to the loo without him actually touching me - we have an arms length between us now, which is a huge improvement!
Nice to know I'm not alone too! :)
DH and I will work out a strategy over the weekend and hopefully will make some slow progress....we're thinking about no talking/interaction when we put him back to bed and a rewards system.
Redgum - thanks, will check out your journey.

I hear some great things about Elizabeth Pantley's book 'The no cry sleep solution'. She has a few other books on her website that you might find interesting and useful too.

I feel for you. My ds1 was just like that. Couldn't go to the toilet by himself as he was afraid of being alone. He wouldn't stay in any room unless I was there with him. He was always that way and still at 9 is the most needy and hard work of my boys. He was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and a sleep initiation/ maintenance disorder at 5 years old. I don't really have any solution for you but I do understand where you're coming from. We had a lot of sleep issues as he was scared to be in his room by himself and would cry and scream. This was still going on until we started medication 6 months ago. We did see a psychologist who helped with some ideas so perhaps you could try that? We started that when he was 3 or 4 and he still goes now. I hope it gets easier for you soon. I always try to think at least he wants me now - when he's a teenager I'll long for this!!

Oh Sorka - I truly hope my DS isn't that clingy at 9! Thankfully DS has always loved bedtime, its just the getting him to stay in there when he wakes in the night that's the issue ;) I have thought about mild anxiety issues in the past, so a psychologist isn't out of the question.

We have implemented a plan tonight...
Basically we had a good talk before bed about how everyone needs sleep and when he comes into our room, nobody can sleep and that's not ok. We told him if he wakes in the night he needs to stay in bed and go back to sleep. If he comes in, we will put him straight back to bed, wait one minute at the door and then go back to bed. Crying or grizzling won't get us to stay. We won't sit or lie on the bed.
He will get a sticker on a special chart if he stays in bed the whole night, and if he gets five stickers on his chart (in a week) we will have morning tea in a cafe. This is a huge deal for him, so fingers crossed. DS has promised to 'try to stay in bed all night', so that's a start.

Oh Sorka - I truly hope my DS isn't that clingy at 9! Thankfully DS has always loved bedtime, its just the getting him to stay in there when he wakes in the night that's the issue ;) I have thought about mild anxiety issues in the past, so a psychologist isn't out of the question.

We have implemented a plan tonight...
Basically we had a good talk before bed about how everyone needs sleep and when he comes into our room, nobody can sleep and that's not ok. We told him if he wakes in the night he needs to stay in bed and go back to sleep. If he comes in, we will put him straight back to bed, wait one minute at the door and then go back to bed. Crying or grizzling won't get us to stay. We won't sit or lie on the bed.
He will get a sticker on a special chart if he stays in bed the whole night, and if he gets five stickers on his chart (in a week) we will have morning tea in a cafe. This is a huge deal for him, so fingers crossed. DS has promised to 'try to stay in bed all night', so that's a start.

So, some positives from last night, and some things still to work on... DS still got up and came into us three times, but he went straight back to sleep without us the first and third times. The second time he got up again, but DH just took him back and left. No grizzles any time, so that's positive.
Night two, here we come! :)