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Life Matters on ABC Radio National
Thursday 24th August
9am - 10am live with Richard Aedy
* Young parents: forums are being held for young parents to ventilate their concerns. One of them it seems is negative responses from other people about their decision to become parents.
Thank you Kelly, Im downloading it now!
It's so sad. They hit the nail on the head for me. How they said that all young parents are stereo typed, although we come from all different backgrounds. Why we sometimes feel ashamed for making the decision to have a child only because of other people's reactions and opinions. I have had so many reactions from people who dont know me. Those people have no idea how much thought we put into the decision to try for a baby. Then, when we did become pregnant, everyone assumed he was an accident, which i took as an insult. I have been with my husband for 5 years now, married for 2, and decided to have a child 7 months after being married. Both Dh and i HAVE traveled, have an education, have family support, financial stability and Dh is almost finished Uni. Why are we still looked down upon? I have never been so happy in my whole entire life.
I heard some of this, and it was very interesting. I was disgusted at the story about the young woman asking for a HPT (she was TTC, but when she said she was looking for pregnancy tests, the pharmacy assistant asked when her last period was, and then said "it's not too late for the morning after pill"!!!). Having had my first at 29, which I think is about average nowadays, I had no idea about the prejudice that is out there about younger mothers and fathers.
I know, you should see the eyebrows rise when I tell people (when I am out with my younger boys) that I also have a 11yo daughter... you'd think I'd said I was a teenage mother! I had her when I was 25... and I wish I'd had my boys earlier too... being pregnant in your late 30's is way harder physically! So good on "young mums" I say.
When we told MIL (dh's mum) I was pregnant, the first thing she said was "what do you want to do?" meaning do we want to keep it. She came from a strict catholic family and had her first when she was in her 30's, as well as her sisters (late 30s). They all had problems with concieving and her sisters ended up having to use IVF. She never asked if the pregnancy was planned, and has always just assumed it was an accident. We dont think we need to explain to her that it was planned, really its nobodys business but ours. If they had of asked, we would happily tell them, but none of dhs family did. My family however were over the moon and just knew he was planned. It's so strange how different backgrounds assume different things. I come from a middle working class family, Dh more an academic traditional background.
When we were trying, i went to get a hpt from the pharmacy, and i got strange looks from the people who saw me with it. Dh looks much older than me (even though im older than him :-P), so i asked him to pick a couple more up for me. And he didnt have any problems at all, the lady even explained how it works, best time to do it, and recommended certain brands to him.
When we went to my Gyno for my first appointment after i recieved a +hpt, after the official pg test (peeing into a cup), i walked into to Obs office and she said "well, it was positive", with a straight face. It was so strange, she was waiting for our reaction, and when she saw happy faces, then she was like "oh, congratulations". I suppose they need to act like this with everyone though.
Anyway, i suppose this is a topic that will be here forever. But its really nice to know that there are people out there in the same boat.
I kept my first pg mainly a secret, i didnt find out i was pg til 28w, i fel pg at 18 and 4 months. WHen i had the baby, i got my own place, i had a car that i owned, i paid my bills, i loved my life, even if i was doing it alone. I lived way more responsibley than most of the other people i know. Now i have 3 children under 3, and im 22, and i want another. I love my children, they give me so much joy. Even mine and Dh's family have told us we should have no more. We will be waiting until we are completely financially stable (we have just moved to melbourne from perth) but if we waited until we buy a house and everything, we wouldn't be having kids for a long time. I like my life the way it is, and i stick up for my choices.
I first fell pg when i was 16 turning 17. I kept this a secret until i was 3 months. My mother had fallen pg with me when she was the same age and had always drilled into me NOT to make the same "mistake". My mum however found out under terrible circumstances and was very disappointed. I have never really had a emotional bond with my mother and decided to confide in a teacher at my high school. She was very supportive and helped me through this tough time. As soon as other family members found out about the pg i was pressured into termintating the pg. I was even offered money for it! I had it in my mind to keep the baby and although i did not really have the support from my partner he did stand by me. Sadly though i m/c this pg.
2 years later i fell pg for a second time. Once again i felt the pressure that i was "too young". This time from both sides of the family. I confided in DP's aunt this time and was immediately pressured into a termination. Due to circumstances at the time i decided to go ahead.
For both of these pg i never felt any support from anyone expect my school teacher. She never once said, "Your too young". She spoke to me about my options and was there to support me through whichever dicision i made.
Although my pg with Briley was again unplanned, it never ever crossed my mind to terminate. I again felt a little negativity from both sides of the family but turned a blind eye to it all. I did'nt care what ppl had too say. I was 21, I had my own car, a house, a job and i was in a 5 years relationship. And most of all I WAS AN ADULT. I had the support of my DP and that was the main thing.
My mother was the one whose opinion i worried about the most. I noticed it took a long time for her to warm to the fact that i was pg. But now that Briley is here, there is no looking back. I can't wait to go back for #2. And as expected i do get the "looks" when i say it too!!
I now personally believe that when i first fell pg i was too young. I still think i am too young now and would've liked to have waited another few years. But i am here now and have no regrets. I love my daughter with all my heart. She has opened my eyes to a lot of things in my life. She has especailly opened a new found bond between my mother and I.
Pg in younger ppl is ALWAYS going to be around. I think there is an limit of "too young". But who decides where the limit is?? I personally believe that limit is crossed at 16 years or younger. But as i said that is MY personal opinion and that opinion is based on the fact that I have been there, done that...