How to teach 4 year old to look after his (and other peoples) things.

DS just doesnt seem to get it. If he is rough with/doesnt put away/look after his toys or other people property it gets broken, lost or ruined. Im at a loss as to what to do with him. Confiscating doesnt work. Explaining doesnt work.

He got a game for his birthday and he has misplaced pieces every single day since recieving it. I have explained that if he loses pieces he cant play it anymore but he still refuses to put them away or keep them together while hes playing. Same with his lego. I make him hunt for them and find them then pack it away everytime but he just keeps doing it again. Its like he just doesnt learn from his experiences. He was the same as a baby (and even now) eg squash his fingers in a door and go back and do it again almost immediately.

He deliberately pushes and spreads pieces around the room then gets upset he cant find what he wants because it has gone under furniture or hes sitting on it etc.
Kicks and jumps on furniture even though hes been asked not to and given alternatives.
Its driving me nuts and we cant afford to let him destroy things like this but nothing I am doing is working and Im running out of cupboard space to put things away.

He stood on a dvd case today, very deliberately, and broke it. He has been told a thousand times not to but he still does it. Its not the first time he has broken one either but he still does it then bursts into tears when shown what hes done. And no matter how many times I tell him he wont put them back in the cupboard.

Not to mention things like pulling all the clothes Ive just put away out and scattering them all over the room. No matter how many times I make him clean up the mess he has made he just does it again. My house is a bomb site because he keeps destroying it and nothing I say makes a difference. Hes just so destructive!

I wish I had an answer! Ds is similar but has shown some improvement since he started kinder (pre-school) this year. I'm also finding that he responds to requests a bit more recently I.e. bringing plates etc to the kitchen. I did think it would be a more simple process than it has been but I have also had to adjust the way I look at things - for eg, acceptimg that ds may not play with toys the way I expect. For eg he rips apart his train tracks but that's how he wants to play with it. Whereas I expected that he would just.send trains around the track.

I just keep repeating as well and.reiterating that once pieces are lost or broken, then that's them gone.

Eta - happy birthday to your ds for last monday :) I can't believe our babies are 4!!

Glad it's not just mine, I don't have the answers either

Its definitely not just you - I have it times 3!!

My girls have gotten better though, I took about 2/3's of their toys away and they now have to clean up their own room of a night time before bed. If I walk by during the day and see them starting to destroy stuff, I remind them that its them that has to pack it away tonight, so they might want to be a bit neater.

But they also rip things they day they get it - I just throw it in the bin. Their loss. I figure they're not really interested in it anyway. But it does drive me mad because we are on a very low income so once its gone - its gone!

DD1 is a bit older but I've found what works with her is telling her that if we have to spend money on things she's broken/lost etc. then it means we won't have enough money to go on holiday (and for us a holiday is a weekend away). She adores holidays so that is a really good incentive for her.

Thanks ladies. Glad Im not the only one. Was having a bit of a "moment" the other day. Guess I just needed to vent a bit. Ive gotten tough on the packing away when hes finished with things and it is helping.

Im yet to find his currency. I think thats part of the problem, he just doesnt care enough to listen.

I actually got rid of most of my kids toys and that really helped. They had so much stuff that they didn't value any of it and it was too much work to keep it tidy. Reducing their toys and giving them lots of funky storage has helped so much and reduced accidental breakage as well as clutter.

I'm with Arimeh and Traveller. My girls can get like that when they have too many toys and then I know it's time for a cull. They don't need many toys at all. They have much more fun playing outside or helping do real 'grown up' things than playing with toys. I actually think having a lot of toys around stresses them out. They can't find what they want, if they even remember what they own, and it's way too much to ask them to pack up when they've got everything out. So we try to not have too many, and only more simple open ended toys. I find they value what they do have a lot more and look after them better. So, that's what I would do anyway, cull away!!