Problems weaning my toddler

Hi there,

I haven't posted in or visited here in a long time, but I now really need some advice please, and I apologise if I have posted in the wrong section.

After some huge hurdles early on in, I have achieved my goal of breastfeeding my son for minimum of two years. In fact I have gone over that by nine months, due to lots of travelling and moving around, it was just easier to keep feeding him to sleep (and on planes, and sometimes in the day if he needed the extra comfort or was sick). My son is now 2 years and 9 months, and I really wanted to let him self wean, when he was ready. But I just can't keep going. He sleeps with me so whenever he wakes in the night (usually more than two times) I feed him to sleep because it's easier than any alternative. Please don't get me wrong, I have loved breastfeeding and I am super proud that I have been able to give him so much comfort and health benefits for as long as I have. But I am now really feeling the need to stop for a number of reasons, sleep being the main one - I have not had a full nights sleep in three years now. I have not breastfed him for three nights now, and have two problems:

1. Being attacked by my son when I refuse a feed - he goes to sleep nicely, with me telling stories or singing songs. But when he wakes in the night and expects his usual feed to sleep, and I refuse, he hits me, kicks me, and pulls my hair. He pulls all the pillows off the bed and throws them onto floor, as well as anything else he can get his hands on, and upturns tables and chairs. This has been happening for three nights. The first night was the worst, and it has become gradually less over the three nights, but I don't know the correct way to deal with it. I tell him very firmly that hurting me does not make me happy, and it's wrong. I stick to my 'no' so that he knows this kind of behaviour doesn't get him anywhere, but he still does it. I also tried completely ignoring him and covering my head with a blanket, but he just hit me through it. I can understand his point of view though, I am refusing his favourite thing in the world, something that has been a huge part of his life since he was born - but I really feel I need to stop now. I tell him 'mook' (his word for it) is for babies, big kids don't have mook, and we talk about it a lot - who has mook, who doesn't and he seems to understand in the daytime. I explain to him before he goes to sleep that when he wakes up there'll be no mook and he should close his eyes and go back to sleep. Putting him into another bed or room is not an option. I don't have a partner so I'm in this night time situation alone. Any other ideas on how I can approach this?

2. Very sore boobs. They are very tender because of not breastfeeding. I have been massaging and expressing a little bit in the shower, but they feel like tender bruises - very sore to touch. What can I do to relieve the soreness and prevent any blockages?

Please no judgement, I have faced a lot of that lately. Any constructive advice will be greatly appreciated :)

Hi Bec, I haven't been in your situation but my cousin was recently. and she used Dr Jay Gordon's method with success.
It's sounds really tough and you've done brilliantly to bf him for so long! I'm sure some more experienced mumma's will have some more ideas for you.

I recently weaned my 2 year old (I'd breastfeed continually for 4.5 years, through pregnancy and tandem fed and was.just.over.it)

I cut the night feeds first (there were three). I told ds no boobie until morning and so when he woke I recited stories I had memorized and sang songs. If he was really restless I got up and showed him the moon and stars and repeated 'night time, sleep time'. My ds wasn't aggressive but he is a groper and would have his hand in my top for comfort. After a week he was sleeping better and by three weeks he was sleeping through.

Then I cut the day feeds by distracting him. Go slow on complete weaning if you can because its full on for your boobs. I cut back to three feeds a day then cut a feed a week (or less) and then fed only every second day. I still got lumps and sore spots though and was recommended cd cabbage leaves.

Good luck.

I have tried pming you with what worked for me but your msges are full, Ill try again tomorrow :)

Thank you Frangipani, I'm not familiar with Jay Gordon's method but I will google :)

Arcadia, wow 4.5 years in total, well done :) Yes I had wanted to gradually wean, and do it at a later stage, but my unique circumstances make it so much easier to do it completely now.

I am living overseas and have just moved into a house shared with another single mum friend, her two year old and our housekeeper. If I try to wean him at home, which I have already attempted, the screaming and throwing things is just really disruptive to everyone else. So much that at the last place I lived (where one night I also tried to refuse feeds), I was evicted from my room because of the noise (yes, true story. I also had to leave my volunteer teaching position due to loss of free room). I have never left my son to cry, but refusing feeds just made him uncontrollable and inconsolable, and very very noisy. So I have just two weeks in Australia in an area where we won't be disturbing anybody. Plus my mum came to stay for a few days (but she left yesterday), so the first night of weaning my son slept with her all night so that he wouldn't be tempted. It went well, he didn't hurt her at all. My sister is also living nearby, so I am hoping he can have a sleepover at her house for a night or two this week to make it easier - he seems to sleep much better for other people. I'm hoping that we can return to Cambodia weaned and with no (or less) night time violence and noise.

Hi Reet - I have cleared my inbox :)

Hi Bec

where are you working in Cambodia? Friends lived in PP for a few years teaching and so we visited a number of times.

Have you tried offering an alternative over night? A drink bottle of water and a banana or some dry bikkies might help during the switchover as he gets used to going without food overnight. When my dd night weaned, it made the day feeds ok again. Good luck. One more tip is to fill him up with touch and hugs and physical activity during the day.

Congratulations on breastfeeding your little one for over 2 years, it really is a great achievement and should be celebrated.

Hi Bec, its still not letting me, its saying u have exceeded ur storage quota. Ill try again later today :)

Thank you HotI, some good ideas there :) I have been living in Phnom Penh for about five months, and have just moved to Siem Reap. I moved just a few days before my Australia holiday, but so far it seems like a very good place to be - we have the tranquility of a beautiful home set amongst tropical fruit trees (instead being in a polluted and busy city), the town is well catered for westerners due to all of the tourism, and we have Angkor Wat on our doorstep. I'm looking forward to spending at least the next year there :)

Sorry Reet! I had deleted my inbox, but didn't realise I had to delete the contents of my outbox too. That is now done, so it should work :)

So jealous, that sounds awesome. There is a silk farm not far out of SR where you can see all the steps from the food for the silk worms to the weaving and selling. worth taking a look one day.

Thanks HotI, I will definitely check that out! I loved visiting Silk Island (Koh Dach) in PP, where I learnt how to weave the silk on a loom under the weavers house, and I learnt silk dying with natural dyes in Laos, but I haven't found anywhere where you can learn about actually farming the silk, so it will be great to visit - I'm a big textiles nut, so that's right up my alley :)

I have a weaning update - DS has been improving every night, and last night when I said no when he woke for 'mook' during the night he just snuggled his head into my armpit just as he does when he BF's (I feed lying down, so my arm is kind of around his head while he feeds), and he went back to sleep - no hitting or throwing things. Tonight he is having a real sleepover, the first time he has been away from me for a whole night. I hope he is going to be ok if he wakes during the night and I'm not there..

Hope tonight goes well for you.

Great job for nearly 3 years!

that sounds like a big step to acceptance. yay! hope you get a good night sleep tonight too!