Still struggling with 2 y.o behaviour

How do you entertain and discipline your 2y.o?

I feel like I've tried everything. I've tried the soft approach. The hard approach. The in between.

I knew once DS2 came along there'd be a regression. But I feel like I'm drowning here! I include him in everything I can. Including BFing. I let him sit on my lap too, and hold his brother's hand. But as soon as DS2 is asleep, DS1 is poking or prodding or stroking his hair, and wakes him. Which is pretty frustrating for everyone.

My main issue is his developmental delay. He isn't talking properly yet. Just today for the first time in more than 6 months he strung two words together. He can make animal sounds. He can follow instructions and do actions based on what I tell him. eg- be a lion... his response is to make his hands into claws and say 'waaahhhh'. His understanding of complex language is pretty good. But he just won't communicate effectively. I tell him to say hello to his friends at kindy and he dances.. lol.

I'm starting speech therapy with him in a couple of weeks. But I wonder if it's more than that. I know he was delayed by almost a year with walking due to his clubfoot.. but now that's been attended to, he's still not catching up IMO.

He also has issues with eating. Still. Obsessed with crunchy foods, or sweet foods. Yoghurt and crackers are his staples and I'm OVER IT. I need him to eat more than just crap. I know, I know, don't keep it in the house. Last time we took that approach he didn't eat until the 4th day. It was mind blowingly gut-wrenching. Do I need to go through that again?

Could he have a sensory problem? Autism? I don't know. I can't even get him to play nicely. He won't really play with me, or without me about 90% of the time. He seems to get stuck on certain activities like kicking a ball, or playing with his cars but won't build with his blocks, won't draw or colour, won't play with playdough.

What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right?

I think I've covered everything. What kind of health professionals can help me? A nutritionist? A child psychologist/ behaviourist? I know I need some help here. I've needed help every step of the way with this kid and I have a huge amount of guilt over it. The number of threads I've posted on here complaining, crying, begging for solutions...... it's huge. I think I feel even worse because DS2 is nowhere near as challenging, and I feel like I'm doing so much better with him. I wonder if I didn't love DS1 enough. Either way I'm failing him somehow by not providing what he needs not for lack of trying, but lack of understanding. I just can't work this little boy out.

Help!

To be honest, nothing you listed there sounds that out of the realm of a two year old. I have had two kids talking in 6-7 word sentences by 2 and one that was barely putting words together by 2. I have had the kid that got through many days living on a cracker and a biscuit (they do get better - eventually!).

I have a now 6 year old that spent hours of every day in massive tantrums when he was that age. I have one that seems to do nothing but grizzle about everything. Then I have one that is pure sunshine. They are all very different.

I don't think it comes down to how much you love them at all. He will develop as he will. You can do all the online checklist things for sensory issues and ASD and see if any ring true for you. There is really no point in feeling guilty about it. He is only 2, no one will diagnose anything prior to that anyway. You think there might be an issue and you are willing to explore the possibility. First stop is a GP that can then refer you to the appropriate people.

Have you tried feeding him Cruskits? My picky eater would eat them, plain or with marmite. They have a good crunchy texture.

My DS (3) is heading to an OT next week to look at sensory issues....some of the stuff you say sounds similar, but a lot sounds like 'normal' 2yo stuff.
The playing stuff is a hassle, isn't it? DS doesn't want to play 'with' me as such - wants me to do it for him. He can't seem to play on his own for more than 2 mins (and by that I mean with me right there, watching him). He doesn't leave my side... We've just had half an hour of 'What do you want to play?' Followed by an endless list of options that DS discards....he used to play endlessly with the same few things, but that's normal for a 2yo I think?
A friend had great success with a 'special box' for feeding times - toys, books etc, some of which were changed each day. An odd new thing (car, stickers etc, just cheap stuff mainly) to add excitement too.
Food is a thing here - all carbs and cheese. I just persist and hide veges in what I can....puréed fruit in yoghurt, and we eat a variety of carbs so he's not eating exactly the same every day....rice cruskits, corn cakes, crackers, banana chips are all crunchy things that come to mind. What about raw veg pieces? nuts? seeds? Make your own crunchy bikkies and add extra goodness. Start with mostly the usual, but add one or two others...or day he'll surprise you. Don't even mention them on his plate, no pressure. OT's are supposed to be great with food issues...fingers crossed!
The language sounds pretty much in the realm of 'normal' - DS is very advanced here, so I haven't got personal experience, but even he wouldn't say hi to friends at that age. More stubborn than not capable! And a bit shy too!
DS has poor gross motor skills compared to his friends. Hoping the OT can help here too.
I try to keep discipline positive. Ignoring DS if its low level (speaking in a rude voice etc) works brilliantly here. Distraction is a key thing here too - 'here's your teddy for you to poke/cuddle/put to bed while baby sleeps'.

Anyway, I suppose what I wanted to say is, you're not alone and you could try OT or a referral for another specialist if you wanted, but don't go worrying too much yet.

Have your gp refer him to a psychologists under the Mental Health Plan, also get referred to a pediatrician (if you don't have one) for him to be assessed. My twin boys are 27mths old and we started the assessment process when they were 18mths old due to development delays and eating, sensory and obsessive behaviour issues and they have been diagnosed with ASD so they can be diagnosed early.

We have our federal government funding now in place so they now have an OT who will be working with them and me on all aspects of their issues. Early Intervention is the key for a better outcome for your little man and your sanity. PM me if you want to ask any questions.

Sorry to hijack your thread, but I thought this might be relevant. I'm about to start a new thread about this, so it could be helpful in explaining if theres a 'proper' or 'right' way to go about this...

TaRhLi - I tried to get an OT referral from the GP under the Mental Health Plan for DS today and was told by the GP she wasn't 'diagnosing a little boy with a mental condition just so you can save a few bucks'! I was livid and really upset at her attitude and couldn't get her to see that wasn't what I was asking....did I do something wrong? We have our first OT appointment regardless, but I don't want anyone else to be made to feel like a money grabber who wants thir child committed... :(

JLeigh29 - It was our MCHN who noticed issues with DS1 at the 18mth check, he had really poor gross and fine motor skills so referred him off to an Early Childhood Intervention Service (ECIS - State Government Program) to be wait listed. Our Intake Worker at ECIS called me and also sent me a plan of what we should be doing while we awaited a place to start the process in getting the boys assessed.

Initially he was referred due to developmental delays - although DS2 wasn't referred as he had predominantly speech delay but awesome gross and fine motor skills. When I spoke to the Intake Worker I explained about DS2 and lack of speech and she told me as I was getting one of the boys assessed I may as well get the same things started for DS2. From this plan that was sent I then approached our GP to get referred under the Chronic Management Plan for the boys to be assessed by a Speech Therapist (who they have been seeing for the past 7mths) and it was the Speechy who told me that DS2 displays more than just Speech Delay so wouldn't fit into the public system for ongoing treatment as if they show other signs then they need to go through other channels, so the Speechy sent the referral for DS2 to also be waitlisted to ECIS.

It was also the Speechy who told me I needed to get our GP to do a referral under the Mental Health Plan to have the boys assessed by a Psychologist. They are already under the care of a Paed and had an appointment in May so we waited until we had seen all the other parties before discussing the details with the Paed.


At the Paed appt he told us that he doesn't just diagnose kids with ASD but needed to review what the other 'professional' provided from their reports of the boys and he also wanted to have a long appt with the boys to assess them based on his observations as well. So we had an appt for the following week to see what he deemed, he assessed the boys and told us that based on his finding and those of the other professionals that the boys showed signs of ASD - but with differing deficiencies - and that as they grow they will always move within the 'spectrum' but for us early intervention was the best course of attack, which we had already started with the Speechy.

All up it took 7 months of reviews, appt's. assessments etc for a diagnosis to be made and then we could apply for the Federal Government funding.

Yes we get $12k per boy but this is not money in our bank account for us to just go an spend, it is managed by a case worker (in our state Autism Victoria) and can only be used to pay for services and resources to help with the boys treatment and this will be ongoing until they turn 7. Once we get placements within the State Government program we will have free services until they start school but until that happens we have to cover the cost of treatment and also once they start school they will still need treatments and the Federal Government funding cuts out at the age of 7.

I have now engaged a service and case manager to be our main person who assesses what they boys need in regards to ongoing treatment and she will be my main contact point until they turn 7, this person is also an OT so she will be helping me with learning and managing the daily challenges I face and how I can help the boys. So a fantastic resource but it costs us over $250 every fortnight for this service (so without the Federal Funding we could not afford to provide this service to my boys).

No parents chooses to have a child with 'issues' but I am very proactive in wanting what is best for my kids and to be able to provide them with the best assistance so that hopefully, once they do go to school then they will have a lot more skills to be able to go into the mainstream system and to also grow up to be active members in the community. Yes they have been diagnosed as having ASD and it is classified as a disability but I would rather deal with that and then help them than sit back and just take a wait and see approach and it all to turn pear shaped later on.

Sorry for highjacking your thread forshelby, but I think that if parents have a gut feel that something isn't right you should have it assessed. I would rather be classified as a paranoid parent than do nothing and regret not having acted sooner if there is something.

GAPS diet would help. Check out the GAPS Australia website for help but just getting and reading the book will help a lot. Speech delay, play skills delay, picky eating (especially a focus on carbs, dairy and gluten) tells me he's a "GAPS kid". Early diet intervention will make a profound difference.

Thanks TaRhLi. I am trying to be proactive too - I think I just chose the wrong GP!