How do I give her the tools?

My 6 year old DD is, for want of a better word, a sook. She whinges and whines and complains all.the.time. Just now, in the 2 minutes it's taken for me to think of and compose these words, she is whinging and wailing at me-

'Mum, muuuummmmm!!! Liam is going to bite me.' 'Muuuummmm, Liam is teasing meeee' 'MUUUMMMMMM, Caelan won't leave me alone'

To her brothers (who are 5 and 2 1/2)-
'Leave me alone, go away. GO AWAY!!! GET OOOUUUUTTT!!' 'No Caelan, don't touch it' (He's 2 and trying to play Barbies with his big sister, whom he adores). 'Liam stop breathing you're so annoying!' (He has a cold and is snuffly)

The kids share a bed room, so it's not her space to dictate. I have told her if she wants quiet time to play, she needs to tell me and I will organise somewhere for her to play. I have told her this MANY times. I know she's at an age that she wants time alone and that is ok, she just needs to tell me.

She shouldn't be bored or feeling neglected or unstimulated. She did dancing this morning, I took her out with a friend and her mum this morning after dancing to have girly time (after being at school all week) and she had a milk shake and cake, and I brought her two t-shirts of her choosing. This is a treat and doesn't happen all the time. We also made some cards and wrapping paper for fathers day tomorrow.

But it isn't just today she's like this. It's EVERY DAY. When I pick her up after school, it's 'I want to go to *insert friend of choice name* house. Or 'I want to go to the park' or 'What treat did you make today?' (I try to make a treat to eat after school, though don't do it every single day. The days I don't she *****es and moans about how deprived she is, because she's getting arrowroot biscuits or fruit instead of a smoothie, choc chip biscuits or banana muffins I've made).

Is this just girls/children this age? How can I get her to stop complaining/whinging/whining/seeming like she feels entitled to EVERYTHING she demands and wants? I want to teach her a) to stand up for her self without coming to me all the time and B) that she is a very very lucky little girl to have all of the 'stuff' she has, and c) that we actually do give her just about everything she asks for.

No idea on solutions, but my dd sounds just like her (mine will be 6 in November)..

My 5 year old son is the same!!!!! If I say no I get hyserical screaming and crying and sulking while telling me I am not his best friend anymore!
DS2 annoys him a lot but also gets blamed for many things he doesn't do as well by DS1.

Hugs

We went through the same and were actually calling dd Mona for a while there.
In the end I sat her down and told her she had a choice to make. She could choose to be happy or she could choose to be miserable, and that will dictate how she lives the rest of her life. I also made her list 3 things she was grateful for (with a little help) every time I caught her whining.
No idea if it made a difference, but it seems to have passed (for the most part, at least)

My DD is 5 in Feb, still at kinder, but she sounds just like this. The sense of entitlement is doing my head in. Just yesterday we went down the street and she demanded I buy her something. I said no. Diabolical tantrum ensued, during which tine she told me she hated me and then (more sadly) she hated herself. sigh.

I've had a big talk with her about the difference between right and privilege and while I think it helped a little, it hasn't eliminated it completely, as yesterday's little episode showed!

By the way - I laughed off her saying she hated me but addressed her saying she hated herself. Couldn't let that one slide...!

Ocean Princess - how did you go about discussing rights vs privileges? I'm struggling to articulate this one to my DD (5 at the start of March) in a way she understands.

Yeah we are getting some signs of entitlement here and it really irks me. Listing the fun things she did today seems to help stave it off in that moment.

I hate hearing kids whine for things at the shop and I think I am imposing my issues into dd a bit, but entitlement is not something I approve of.

Hugs for everyone. I hope it passes soon!

Recently had this with Liebs. I did the old "walked two miles to school uphill in the snow" treatment. Worked a treat.

We focus on gratitude every day though, he just had a brief "the world should revolve around me" week. And realised I don't tolerate that.

I used to say I don't speak whinge and I can't understand you when talk like that.

I also found questions back helped. Losing my cool seemed to feed it. So often I would grit my teeth lol.

I think asking questions helps them to formulate their own thought processes when they aren't happy about something.

Ask them why they think they can do if xyz is annoying them. Go through the tools they would have learnt at kinder ie how to deal with conflict. Ask them what they think you would do. And if they are still losing the plot ask them if they need some quiet time to calm down so they can think about it more clearly. Express understanding towards whatever emotions they are feeling. This is a well known negotiator skill even with over emotional adults. ;) and if its something like having friends over talk about when a good time is to organise that. Sit down and work out when they can have a friend over etc. think about it from their perspective, if you wanted to do something and realised you couldn't you would have your own inner dialogue about how and when that could happen or what you should do. This is something learned by life experiences and doesn't come to them naturally. So that's the tools they haven't learnt and that you can teach them :)

Oh my lord she's getting worse not better. She is pushing me to my limits.

I have started saying a little gratitude prayer at night, just something for them to say what they appreciate in their lives, like friends, family, the food we have ect... she is doing that ok. But she is just whinging at every other thing! She yells at her brothers to get out, go away or leave her alone all the time. I don't mind giving her a little space, but she needs to learn to be with her family too. She needs to be patient with her littlest brother and to learn about speaking respectfully and just being nice to people who love you. I am talking to her at times other than when she is being a brat about how lucky we are, she is. About what we have and she gets lots of stuff as treats and that we do things for her that are special. We talk about how we live in a wonderful country, town, home.....

I am trying my hardest to keep my cool, but have to admit, I am failing at it, probably half the time. I just feel like such a failure. She's telling me no one listens and that I don't love her. WE tell her that we love her very much, but don't like her behaviours and that is frustrating me/us.

So over this horrid entitled/I want/gimme gimme behaviour. I'm ready to sell her on ebay!

I was just talking about similar behaviour with a friend this afternoon..

I am trying to put it down to being tired, coming to end of school term, and being excited about some end of term activities..

I might not be so calm about it continuing into next term though.