What type of parent are you?

A friend and I were discussing parenting etc and she raised a point that she believes there are two types of parents.

1. The "try and teach from your own experiences" type of parent. Ie. help them avoid dangers/issues/problems because of your life experiences
And
2. The "child needs to learn for themselves" type of parent. Ie. the child can make their own decisions choices and suffer the resultant consequences.

Personally I believe it's not so clear cut. I think I do type 1 and if they don't listen then well it's type 2.

Where do you fit?

Yeah I'd be the same type 1 first then type 2

Neither. Well more accurately, in the middle of both.

I guide my children towards the best path for them, my life experiences don't really influence that, and I certainly don't let them learn for themselves. That sort of parenting is only ideal when the child is no longer a child, but an adult where the "they need to learn for themselves" is more acceptable.

A parent's job is not to leave the child to learn for themselves, nor to push their own life experiences or insecurities on the child, but to guide them through life and be a good role model so the child can learn to be the best person they can be.

If that makes any sense at all lol

Well said Jaycee, my thoughts exactly. When DD is older I won't steer her towards or away certain things because I did or didn't do it, or I had a bad experience. I'll be letting her choose her own path while helping her do so in the best way possible. I would assume that by the time she's older things will have changed so much that really, what I experienced at her age will almost be irrelevant. Not only that but she'll be different to me, she'll do things differently. I won't be expecting her life to follow mine.

For bigger things - something dangerous or life changing I will steer him.
Smaller things like whether he wants to wear a jumper or not I let him choose.

As Calluna said, it depends on the situation. I give simple choices (two options) for small things, but not all the time, as there are plenty of times in life where people have no choice. I do also think my experiences guide my parenting choices and style. For eg, I was painfully shy as a child so I have made sure DS has lots of chance to socialise and interact with others, and we talk lots about how to make/be friends and talk to others. DH didn't do any sport or social stuff and wants to make sure DS gets the opportunity to do things like soccer, swimming , cricket, music or whatever. But we wouldn't push DS into doing something he obviously didn't want to do.

I think my parenting style is more about role modelling and guiding my children to become productive, respectful members of society.

There's so much more to it than that, but you get the drift. I hope ;)

Sorry, I don't think it's a continuum between those two things. I don't even think those two things are opposite.

I think sharing your own experiences with your children is just as much a part of experiential learning as them doing it all completely for themselves. This is because, as humans, we are all story tellers, and telling our stories is part of passing our wisdom on. We can encourage our children in the same way by inviting them to tell the stories of their own experience, and to listen with the same kind of respect.

Also, I do think there are valuable lessons we can pass along without having lived them ourselves. For example, I can teach my daughters about online safety without ever having been stalked or abused online myself. I can teach them to recognise the signs of respect and disrespect without ever having had an abusive partner. A framework of listening and witnessing each others' knowledge and experience helps everyone get there together. But you have to be having these conversations. Faffing on constantly about the weather and what's on the teev doesn't make it happen.