[vent] my weightloss battle

August last year I started my weightless journey. By the beginning of this year, it took all of 4months, I had lost 30kgs, all through the wbt.
Once I started losing weight, I asked the team members of wbt how I should determine my goal weight, they replied with pick a number within the healthy bmi range. I did, but as I got closer to that number, I found myself picking an even lower number because I wasn't happy with any number on the scales. Then if the scales wasn't bad enough, it didn't seem to matter how much weight if lost, that stupid damn roll on my stomach just stayed, no matter how much I lost I still had a muffin top. No matter how much weight I lost I wasn't happy with my body. People started to say that I had lost too much, that I looked too thin. I didn't agree, I needed to lose more weight, change the parts of me that I didn't like.
On top of that, I lost friends when I started my journey, I got skinny, couldn't make friends, fat or skinny I was lonely. No body seemed to care about me really. Dh doesn't give an opinion on how I look, he just says whatever makes me happy. But I'm not happy at either end. I'm lonely, dissatisfied with how I look, my life, everything. And it's all weight related. Well it's not entirely down to weight, but a lot of it is.
Once I was within my bmi range, I asked how to maintain, they said sign up for another round, change program and keep going. I did what they said fearful of putting my weight back on. Big problem though, I wasn't finding motivation in the program anymore, the joy of seeing numbers decrease on the scales wasn't there anymore, I have no real exercise goals, our family life and location doesn't lend itself to team sports (not that I really like them anyhow), I tired setting running goals and that sort of thing, but really nothing kept my focus like seeing the scales drop.
For the last 3 months I haven't had half hour alone to exercise, let alone the hour they say you need every day, every week. I have no motivation left. I am over eating again, I am unhappy again, I feel like crying constantly because I feel like a failure.

Oh beans :( I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. Biggest :hug: ever

Oh babe. Your story and mine are so similar. I developed an eating disorder on the 12wbt that I still struggle with. Everything you said resounds :hug:

Thanks girls :)
Pz, I have being following you journey. How are you finding peace with it all (health, weight, mindset etc)?

Honestly? I'm not. I go between eating well, eating too much, and eating too little. It's just getting worse, and I'm about to start counselling for it. I know that's not the best to hear. Feel free to message me in FB hun. But yeah, no real answers here, because I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

:( thanks pz, I might take you up on that. You know counselling isn't that bad, it's better than nothing that's for sure.

Completely understand....I have since put on 10kgs from previous weight loss, still trying to find my mojo back :(

I am sorry this is happening to you :(

Thanks girls xxx
Minny, I've put on a bit and the emotional roller coaster that that causes is crazy.
I refuse to be a yo-yo dieter, but at the same time I have no knowledge of what to do now, and how to maintain. And of course no one wants to tell you the answers, because there isn't as much or any money involved in maintaining.
Honestly the stress that this is causing, the way I feel about myself is horrible,

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down : (

I am similar in that the more weight I lose the more unhappy with my body I become. When I'm not checking my weight or worrying about it I tend to be a lot happier with myself.

Massive hugs hun. I don't really have any advice. I can only relate to the not been able to find time for yourself.

When weight/food consumes your life it is so hard to be happy.

Have you looked into more of a wholistic lifestyle change like paleo, or sugar free, or something where you can enjoy cooking and eating and focussing less on exercise and weight loss?

I find concentrating on nourishing my body for health has transformed my attitude towards my body. When you want to loose weight you are basically rejecting yourself as you are and embracing dissatisfaction. It's impossible to just 'snap' out of that mindset. When you embrace health and nutrition you are embracing love of your body even if it is overweight, because it's about healthy eating, not weightloss.

It's a long journey to heal the pain you have. Go easy on yourself.

With respect I think that restrictive diets like paleo, sugar free etc are quite disordered. Any diet where, in the absence of a genuine allergy, one eliminates entire food groups or macro-nutrients isn't sustainable in the long term.

Maybe you should give team sports a rethink. Having team mates is lots of fun and really good for the soul and it's not the same when you're a grown up as when you're at school. I love my booty camp group because we're a team although we're all totally different in just about every way. How about setting a training goal by entering a race? Enter a 5km or 10km (or more) fun run. A short (or long) obstacle race (look for Obstacle Racers Australia on FB because they have calenders of all the races etc).

On FB......try to find a 'public figure' called Erin Brown. She is a PT with a great body acceptance community. Or Fit Villains (Chichi Kix) is another PT with a 'body love mission'.

ETA - try looking for 15 minute workouts on Pintrest or one song workouts. If you only have 30 minutes then workout for 30 minutes because 30 minutes exercise is better than none and in 30 minutes you can boost your endorphins, increase your heart rate and strengthen your muscles.

I hope you find a place of acceptance hun and a lifestyle change that is permanent and works for you. Just FYI the Jillisn michaels 30 day agreed and ripped in 30 dvds are great and super short! Workout is only 20 mins ...xxxx

Thank you all :)

We had looked into the different diets, but honestly neither of us liked how restrictive they were. Also I really do not like how one diet says its ok to eat this, then the next says that the same thing should be avoided at all costs. I do believe in everything in moderation, unless there is a medical reason to avoid. We do avoid as much processed food as possible as well.

Zazou, Theres a few reason for not doing the team sports or even working out with a friend. Thanks to DH's work, and having no one to take the kids for me, there isn't any team sports on when I could do it. Then theres the joys of small towns and having nothing on offer. I was working out with a friend a while back, but it didn't seem to motivate me as much as it possibly should have. All sound like fixable excuses, but I have looked into it all. Even pt training isn't possible thanks to work schedules, and kids.

Thank you I shall have a look on fb for those groups, and pinterest. I do have to get my groove on thats for sure.

And I shall have to find some jillian michaels stuff.

I think that whats the hardest is that you are conditioned to look at numbers on the scales, every week the biggest numbers are celebrated. Yes people talk about non scale victories, but they are not as highly celebrated, or talked about, or the idea enforced.

DD3 is getting her 2yr old molars through at the moment, maybe once thats done she will sleep again, no more winter colds either. Then hopefully dh will come through on his promise to look after them for me so I can have my workout time. Then, theres just that small matter of painful and long lasting af to address, then maybe I can refocus and plan long term, I aint going back to the old me, thats for sure.

Thank you :)

There really isn't enough information around about maintenance, is it all meant to just even out once you make lifestyle changes at some point? Because that doesn't seem to work for me at all. My weight seems to fluctuate between 55-70kg and I don't know what I'm changing that makes it go up and down like that?? I'm really confused and lost atm about this too. I'm on my way up again atm, 65kg (weighed myself at my parents, don't have scales here and wish I hadn't bothered to check there either because now it is really in my head and I wasn't feeling TOO bad before I 'knew') and am still in the "healthy range" but feel so frumpy and my energy levels have tanked and I'm like why bother, it feels inevitable I'll hit 70kg before I have a chance to change it all so might as well just stop bothering.

My self esteem feels really shot currently (and it is pouring into everything, I've been in a real funk), I feel like this is on my mind way more than it should be and I really thought this would not happen to me (a lovely BB member actually checked up on me about this a little while back and I was adamant I was completely on top of it, guess not). It is all so confusing!! I exercise everyday, I'm active above that too, I don't drink anything but water, I cook from scratch, I eat a balanced diet to my hunger (definitely not starving myself) and I am in healthy ranges (well when I hit 70kg I'm pushing out of it) so why is my body stuck on this 6 month up and down rollarcoaster??

So no advice but lots of understanding and sympathy... how are you going now?