regression and how to move forward?

My 3.5 year old is regressing in her toileting so much atm that i am at a loss of what to do. We have had a few big weeks emotionally, however it seems that despite this, she has been getting worse. She will still poo on the toilet, however will have more than one wee accident every day at least. Today she was sitting on my bed and smiled at me and told me she had had an accident. She had done a pee all through the bed. She told me she knew the wee was coming and could have stopped it but didnt want to...i think its partly laziness or being preoccupied. Maybe attention seeking? Any suggestions for getting past this before i go crazy with frustration...

Have you tried a pull up nappy? My dd1 wouldn't pooh in the toilet for ages! She would always ask for a pull up to do a pooh and then one day decided to do a pooh in the toilet (I was at work mind you so I missed it)! So despite all my frustration and going crazy thinking of 'ideas' on how to get her to pooh in the toilet she did it by herself. I used to stress about 3 y/old kinder what if she needed to pooh, as the teacher said DD1 was at kinder for 2.5 hours a week so chances were it wouldn't happen...and it didn't. So I guess I'm saying don't stress too much as it'll stress you probably more than her! If you've had a bit on she might also be picking up on that and be looking for attention if the attention has been elsewhere for whatever reason. My DD even now waits till she's busting to go as sometimes is distracted (doesn't wet herself though just makes it!) so it could be distraction or laziness but I'd seriously go with a pull up, that way you're not having extra stress cleaning up and you can explain to her that they are her special toilet pants until she's ready again for her undies maybe? That she still needs to go to the toilet, it is just in case until she practices and is really good at going to the toilet. The pull up does get a bit wet unlike a nappy so she'll be more likely to use the toilet as it wouldn't be a nice feeling being wet I wouldn't imagine. Good luck :-)

Also I forgot....she won't be 10 or 20 years old in a nappy or wetting her pants, so don't stress she'll get it :-)

Might be worth taking her to the dr to check she doesn't have a urinary tract infection as that can cause incontinence.

Aside from getting her a quick check at the dr I would accept this as not abnormal.
Sorry, probably not what you want to hear.
before having my kids, I really though all children could and should eat well, sleep well, play well, and certainly be TT. Anything less was an indictment on their parents.

I could have posted your exact post at 3.5 yrs for DS1.
And at 4 years.
And at 4.5 years.
He ran through phases or being totally in control and then constantly wet. Even regressed with pooing at one point. And my emotions went through it all too. What did I do? What was wrong with me/him?

But he is 5.5 now. Totally toilet trained (although the seat takes a hammering some days!) day and night and its just not an issue anymore. He did get it. Eventually. And I hate to admit that I just had to wait. There was very little I could do to help him along.

DS2 decided at about 20 months that he was no longer going to wear nappies and he ttd himself in a day. Day and night dry. Man, I thought I had hit the jackpot. Well, he's 3.5 now and somedays he's accident free, somedays not. And hes no longer night dry either. And there is very little I can do about it but just gently try to help him when he needs it. Distraction, laziness, embarrassment, whatever the reason. It's not always possible to answer.

I know now im not alone. Some children are ttd early and completely. Some, many, aren't. My only advice is try to stay calm although I agree it can seem frustrating. It will pass.

Thanks all, we have had a bit a of an improvement over the last few days. Dd does really well with knowing she will get a rewards on Saturday morning I told her that if she did all her wee/poo on the toilet and not in her pants, we would go to the shop on Sunday and she could choose a small reward. What do you know, she was dry all day (we don't remind her, it's her responsibility...something we have run with for some time as she hates being reminded). So next aim is to be dry till after day care on Friday and we will go and get another small reward. So really 3 straight days now complete dry...I know that she can do it and I think she was also worse as she knew how frustrated I was getting. Just need to accept the ups and downs on TT!!!