DS 3.5 years and sleeping issues

i need some help!! DS is 3.5 years old. for the first 2 years he was great. able to put him in his cot and he would settle himself no issues. we moved interstate and that's where it all came undone. we put him in his toddler bed when we moved. we started off lying down next to him to now sitting outside in hallway till he goes to sleep. he has a night light in his room incase he wakes up during the night.

anyway he would often come down during the night and if it was before 2 am we could put him back in his bed but after that it was easier to put him in our bed otherwise it would take 2-3 hours for him to go back to sleep. it got to the point that he started sleeping all night in his bed and not coming down at all for a few months.

fast forward to august and we find ourselves unexpectedly expecting number 2! since then DS will come down 2-3 times during the night, put him back to bed or in our bed. he kicks us, hits us during his sleep to the point that poor DH has ended up on the couch a few times just so he can get to sleep. we were putting him between us but now I have started sleeping in the middle so that at least DH can get some sleep before work the next day. its not helping much though because I still have to work and I am finding myself starting to get more tired now and am currently sick with a chest infection.

I am 18 weeks pregnant now and I would like DS to be sleeping in his bed all night by the time baby comes. am I being unrealistic? does anyone have any ideas of how to get him to sleep in his bed all night? I don't like CIO, CC, or locking him in there like several friends have suggested so would prefer more of a gentle approach

TIA xx

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to go to sleep in his bed? I know DD will say because she is scared of monsters, I refused to allow her to have a night light as figure she gets a more restful sleep without the light but we have a monster spray which seems to do the trick. Other alternatives could be having a mattress on the floor of your room or outsi your room for him and put him there and give him the choice of there or back to his bed. Or failing that say ok then mummy and daddy will go and sleep somewhere else if you want to sleep in our bed. That also sometimes works for DD, as we have to do that at times as we only have a double bed and there is no room to sleep comfortably especially being pregnant. We do let her come in the morning to my bed before I get up (that could be another trade off). Only exception where I won't push her to go back to her own bed is if she is sick like last night so she slept with DH and I slept on the couch lol. But most nights now she will sleep in her bed all night.

I would set up a mattress in your room for when he comes in, otherwise put a mattress on the floor of his room, so when he wakes, dh puts him back to bed and lies down until he is asleep.

I still co-sleep with my two, so I think little kids still need lots of reassurance in the night. Just do whatever maximises sleep.

thank you! I think I might try the monster spray and see if that helps.

unfortunately our bed takes up almost the whole room in our bedroom so putting a mattress on the floor is not an option. when I do put him back to bed during the night I sit in the hallway until he is asleep then close the door. maybe I need to leave his door open and see how that goes.

Oh yes door open is good, when DD was little and couldn't communicate properly took us awhile to realise she just wanted the door open.

yeah he has been a bit slow on speech. he did just tell me he is scared at night time though. will try the door open tonight and see how that goes. will also put some lavender in a spray bottle of water to help get rid of any monsters he thinks he may have. he does come down to us in tears most of the time so being scared makes sense

thank you!! :D

DS was a 'perfect' sleeper until March this year. Now he gets up 2-6 times a night. He says he's lonely or needs company. We ALWAYS put him back in our bed until 6am (so if he comes in at 5:50am, it's still back to bed!). That's just our choice. We did try putting him in with us a few times, but he wouldn't go back to sleep and would just wriggle/chat. He's asleep within five minutes if we put him back in his bed. We used to stand/slump!!! at his door until he went back to sleep, then gradually have lessened the time we stay til we now stay for one minute and can now leave while he's awake.

Our biggest help was to stop engaging with him - he'd be upset and we'd comfort, talk to him, cuddle him etc and he'd fully wake up, then be in every hour wanting more cuddles. So, we talked to him during the day and told him what we'd do if he came in during the night (walk him back to bed, tuck him in, stay one minute then leave. No big cuddles, no words.) Every night we ask to make sure he's had enough cuddles to last the whole night and tell him if he needs more that he's got blankies to hug. He can also put his hand on the wall if he needs to feel close to us. And every night we tell him if he wakes up he should try and close his eyes and go back to sleep before he gets up as we all need our sleep to be happy the next day. No miracle cure as he still gets up 1-2 times a night(some nights more), but tears are rare now and we're all in bed again in five mins.

I've never bought into the monsters stuff as it reinforces the idea that there's something out there that he needs to be scared of and protected from. Monsters in our house are friendly and good and there to help :).