Since when did giving become about recognition

This stems from all the stories about kids donating their toys to natural disaster victims....

t's really sad the society that we live in. There are stories popping up everywhere of kids that want to donate their toys, especially whenever there is some kind of "disaster". Yet any other time of the year, they get turned away. DD wanted to give toys to "a little girl who doesn't have any" a while ago. I rang the womens refuge, the young mums refuge, local family centres and no one would allow her to give her toys. It really just highlights to me a few things A ) how much of a disposable society we live in and B ) that it takes a disaster of sorts for people to accept anything and C ) how hypocritical many organisations out there can be "don't give us anything during any other part of the year, but the minute there is a disaster and we can look good, donate everything you can to us". Not a charitable attitude I say.
I'll continue to nurture this giving side of DDs and continue to allow her to understand that there are others that don't have what they do. However, I can only hope that organisations, small and large, will remember what charity is all about....

I think its completely wrong that parents are highlighting these things in the media... giving isn't about recognition. What are you instilling in these kids? Oh, If i do this, I get lots of recognition.

Vent over...

I totally get what you are saying. We have so many perfectly good toys that our children have either outgrown, or hardly played with, or would just like to see someone else enjoy and none of the local charity stores will take them cause they are 2nd hand. I would never try to give a broken, extremely dirty used toy to another child, but the ones we have tried to donate are ones we would be appreciative to receive.

Even when there is a time to donate, I much prefer to do it anonymously.

I'm a little surprised at this. We have a number of op shops around the place here that continuously accept any clean, used items of clothing, household goods, toys, books, etc. I've never had any problems giving even large quantities of things away - they even sent a truck out one time (!) FWIW many local schools will gratefully receive items like this in the lead up to school fetes, so it's also a good idea to look out for when they happen in your area.

Perhaps the issue is that you contacted organisations that don't have a great need for what you were offering (ie toys). It costs them money to sort, store or dispose of excess items, which is why they are picky about what they accept. In a time of real crisis there is an immediate and much larger (but temporary) need.

And re the photos - not sure that's because of the parents. It's natural for the media to want to some "good news" "community rallying" stories whenever there is a disaster, so they are the ones who would be initiating the stories.

I know some organisations prefer not to give second hand toys to children of clients because it can reinforce their self belief they are somehow second best. They see children all around them getting new toys. If all they get is second hand toys, it's just another thing that makes them different from their peers.

Similarly, second hand toys don't really sell at op shops like clothes do.

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Similarly, second hand toys don't really sell at op shops like clothes do.

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I don't actually think this is true - in a lot of the op shops I go to the toy section is one of the most popular sections - I personally buy many toys from op-shops. My mum is a massive op-shop toy buyer, people buy a lot of toys at garage sales and kids/baby markets, and often toys sell out at stalls ahead of clothes.

BS - All the op-shops round here will take second hand toys - so it also seems odd to me that you were unable to donate toys. Some organisations only take specific things and if they are giving them out often they have to comply with different regulations to op-shops selling them (E.g St Kilda Mums is one where you can donate a cot for example but it has to meet a set of criteria, a cot that may not meet those criteria can still raise money for charity by going through an op-shop though - or say by selling it yourself and donating the money). But toys in op-shops do benefit those in need, either by them being bought specifically for those children, or by the money they raise for the organisation.

I see nothing wrong with people posting about their children wanting to donate, I don't believe most people do it for any sort of reward but because it promotes it, someone may see it and then do the same.

maybe you are right, trying to donate in the wrong places and the wrong items.

Second hand anything is hard to give away in my experience.

When we moved interstate, we couldn't give away heaps of stuff - bookshelf in perfect condition, 4foot fish tank, large student desk etc. We called several charities (no thanks), asked everyone we knew, posted online and even put them out the front with giant signs saying 'FREE! Please take!' In the end we filled up half a skip.
My parents had a lounge suite and dining setting (perfect condition, they were just downsizing) and it took calls to three or four charities before anyone would accept it, and only on the condition they brought it in themselves. When they were thinking of getting a new washing machine, they'd seen an article from an animal charity about all their washing and wishing they had a washing machine on site....took five phone calls and more than a month before anyone picked it up.

I understand there can be a stigma attached to second hand stuff, so maybe it does take a desperate situation for someone to accept charity?

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I know some organisations prefer not to give second hand toys to children of clients because it can reinforce their self belief they are somehow second best. They see children all around them getting new toys. If all they get is second hand toys, it's just another thing that makes them different from their peers.

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I can see this could be a factor. However I do think the idea that second hand means second best - is an adult concept that children learn from adults, so if all children from early enough get a mixture of new and second hand toys the new/old factor becomes irrelevant.

All children should go and buy some toys from op-shops - not only are they less expensive and good for the environment, but you are faced with an array of toys from across the years - not just presented with whatever the marketers deem are the 'current' toys you should be interested in. I think if children buy from op-shops when they are little and experience the joy of rummaging and finding all sorts of treasures they will grow up not equating 'new' with 'best'. There is also quite a large number of new items (particularly craft kits) available in op-shops - people get more gifts than they can use often.

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Second hand anything is hard to give away in my experience.

When we moved interstate, we couldn't give away heaps of stuff - bookshelf in perfect condition, 4foot fish tank, large student desk etc. We called several charities (no thanks), asked everyone we knew, posted online and even put them out the front with giant signs saying 'FREE! Please take!' In the end we filled up half a skip.
My parents had a lounge suite and dining setting (perfect condition, they were just downsizing) and it took calls to three or four charities before anyone would accept it, and only on the condition they brought it in themselves. When they were thinking of getting a new washing machine, they'd seen an article from an animal charity about all their washing and wishing they had a washing machine on site....took five phone calls and more than a month before anyone picked it up.

I understand there can be a stigma attached to second hand stuff, so maybe it does take a desperate situation for someone to accept charity?

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Large items can be tricky because you have to be a certain scale of organisation to be able to have the ability to do the pick up. I think several charities are getting better at this and it is quite a recent thing - but we were able to get Salvo's to come and collect various items and they then distribute to which ever store they deem best (so the pick up is run by the organisation not individual stores) - we had to be around on a certain day - due to their pick up run but we could manage that. We personally have no other method of getting them out of our garage. Some recycling centers (tips) have 'shops' as part of them - a community garden I go to bought lots of old iron bath tubs which are used as raised beds for growing vegetables (raised to table height for benefit of the elderly) - so I think things are moving in the right direction in some areas in terms of enabling reuse.

White goods/electrical are problematic because it's hard to know whether they are in working order or not. I can imagine not all would be able to take furniture either. But there are a few websites and apps now where you can match what you have with organisations/individuals who need them. Local Councils also sometimes have lists of organisations that accept recycled goods, then there's always freecycle, etc.

We've also had loads of excellent toys from op-shops - most recently a classic-style cabbage patch doll (with the woolly hair) which was grubby but came out like new after a trip through the washing machine. What op-shops do NOT need is stuffed toys ... or cheap throwaway McDonalds toys. And that's the thing. One person might approach a charity with an offer of a toy donation, and it's a magnificent hand-crafted doll house with all the trimmings or a set of clean, nearly-new baby toys, but another person might turn up with 5 garbags full of toys that are cheap, dirty, broken, with missing pieces, etc. The charity doesn't know in advance what they are going to get, so unless they have the resources to deal with donations of goods, it's easier not to take them at all.

Why don't you save them all up for a garage sale or car boot sale and then give the proceeds to charity.
I personally think that this teachers your kids several things.

That things have an actual monetary value and are not just *things* you get for free at birthdays, Xmas.

That you can't just expect to keep receiving new toys/clothes/games and just add them to the pile of stuff you already have, just like in the real world, sacrifices need to be made if you want new stuff.

That it actually pays to look after your stuff.

That you can get more bang for your buck if you are prepared to buy second hand.

I know that if I take DS to the local trash markets and give him the $10 and the option of 1 new (used, but once expensive) truck or 1 cheap junk one from big w, he will take the better quality over the brand new one everyday.

I know that most of this doesn't apply to your daughter, but at least by donating $ you can send it anywhere in the world you like.
And you can always use the car boot sale to get rid of your excess stuff too!

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What op-shops do NOT need is stuffed toys ... or cheap throwaway McDonalds toys.

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I actually think that is debatable - I buy stuffed toys from op-shops to use their stuffing (is more effort and not really any cheaper than buying new - but there is enough toy stuffing in the world already). Also one of mine and the kids favorite opshops has a bin full of stuff like old McDonalds toys - you get 12 items for a dollar. They use them to make up their own playsets - I got 12 lovely little toadstools which were containers for some smurf collectable or other but they have made a lovely fairy ring etc. Is a good source of items for party bags - if party bags are your thing (I hate most of the toys that come in party bags such a waste of plastic). I wouldn't buy cheap throwaway toys new, but if they already exist then is better they are used than go to landfill.

I follow a site on FB where two kinder teachers put together playsets from op-shop finds (many are odd pieces etc) - the sets are great, they are not cheap though - but you can do cheaply yourself and when the kids are involved in the creation of the set they love it even more.

Op-shops are starting to get into the recycling/upcycling angle - e.g. Salvo's bundles up old-T-shirts into rag bags etc. Wool, material scraps, old buttons etc. So much craft stuff available. Really lots of things are so cheap new, they can't push a 'we are cheaper' message - they have to push the idea of re-use, so one persons rubbish - or a toy with a missing piece can still be of interest to someone else. Small charities will have problems with donations of not top quality stuff, but the bigger ones who have more sorting resource at their disposal do still make use of less than pristine quality items - because they know people do recycle items - and that is a good thing IMO.

BS I saw a story this week about a kid giving away their toys and it was really in poor taste. It seemed as though the mother just wanted attention. So I totally get where you're coming from.