The birth of Sarah ~ 6/10/2013 - (Long!)
This is going to be long and probably disjointed, Ive been up since 4:30 this morning and running on fumes ;)
Pregnancy
DS had been a dream pregnancy. Few minor aches and pains, slight SPD but overall very smooth and enjoyable. He was born at 37 +3 with no prelabor, no sign that anything was about to happen. A very smooth, textbook pregnancy and birth.
After 2 years of longing and another 9months TTC including a chem pregnancy I was so happy to finally be pregnant! I was really scared and found it really hard to bond with my bump, so mich so that I couldnt bring myself to think about names or buy anything in case we lost her. I decided to find out the sex in the hope that might help. I also hoped it would help DS adjust to the idea of his sibling. At the ultrasound I got a room with a dodgy screen and could only see the strong white lines, no smaller details. As well as that the tech didnt sound very confident of her guess, so I didnt want to get too attached to the idea of it being a girl in case she wasnt. I was happy either way but didnt want to get settled on it if it was wrong!
I was accepted into the MGP program with the Mater and assigned T as my midwife. Although I never really felt as though I was 100% comfortable with him, I was happy enough to stay with him. I only ended up seeing him a handful of times at appointments anyway as everytime I called he was off duty - just the was it worked out.
After such a great experience with DS it came as a bit of a shock that DD pregnancy was to be so hard. I had HG for the first 20weeks, problems with my teeth, SPD that left me barely able to move by the end, constant migraine like headaches and an irritable uterus. As well as the emotional side - I was constantly reminding myself that nothing is guaranteed, at any moment we could lose her and I was on blood watch, expecting something to go wrong at any moment. I can honestly say I did not enjoy one single day of it. I was well and truly over it by the time DS gestation rolled around.
This still makes me sad. I so wanted to love being pregnant again especially after waiting so long.
I was having regular contractions less than 10 mins apart, often with a bit of bite to them every night from 37 weeks but they would always fizzle out by morning. Every morning for the last week I woke up and cried, sobbed, at the thought of another day of this hell, another day of pain while trying to care for DS on my own. He was really feeling neglected as I just couldnt do much at all not even sit on the floor to play.
I was exhausted, in agony and 1000% over all of it and just wanted her OUT!
At 38ish weeks, I thought my waters might be leaking, so after putting it off all day, as I didnt want to be on the clock, I called the midwife team to ask if I needed to be checked. I honestly thought theyd tell me to watch for signs of infection and wait it out for a while. Wrong, they want me to come in and I should have that morning when I first suspected it. Oops. So we got MIL to come and watch DS while he slept and headed off for hosp to meet J. After an hour of monitoring and a couple of swabs it was determined to just be lots of normal discharge and we were sent home. Not only was it not my waters but the week of prelabor had done nothing and I wasnt even slightly dilated. I was so disheartened. I thought it would at least have done SOMETHING. It felt like all this pain and exhaustion was for nothing.
I had been tested for GBS at approx 35 weeks and had a positive result. But no one informed me. So when I went in at 38 weeks it was a suprise to all of us. She retested me in the hope it would be negative and no antibiotics would be neccesary.
Labor and birth
Finally at 39 weeks after having resigned myself to being pregnant forever, I started having contractions I couldnt sit through. I got up, not thinking much of it as the prelabor had been getting stronger each night. Tried leaning over the gym ball, and then nothing for 20 mins. I thought that was it and sat down to the strange SBS movie I had been watching while putting off going to bed. (Cause you know, if you don't go to bed the morning doesnt come... ha.)
Nope, no good. Could not sit there.
11:30pm - I decided to try the shower. While getting ready, I was suddenly busting for the toilet. 30 mins later I try going for the shower again. Nope - back to the loo for another 15-20mins. All the while standing and breathing and vocalising through contractons every 5 mins.
I was starting to wonder if this might be the real deal!
12:30 - I poked DF to tell him I thought I was in labor and that he might have to get up. I needed him to call my midwife and let him know what was happening.
As it turns out, it was his night off. Of course. Lol Just like every other time I had called him :doh: and one of the ladies from the team (S) answered.
After speaking to DF she wanted to speak to me - I kind of knew she would but I was so desperate to get in the shower I was hoping it would be enough to talk to DF for now. I had only just gotten in and it was so nice on my back I decided to just stay in, try not to get my phone wet and hope for the best.
I was self concious having someone listen to me deal with contractions over the phone and they backed off a little. S suggested I take a panadol and call back in an hour or so to give her an update, but she thought Id definately be having a baby that night and we should organise our babysitters. Thank God! I was so so relieved to hear this.
As soon as I hung up the contractions came back full force. I was "ah" ing through each one and was quite loud. Im surprised DS slept through it all.
12:45/1:00 ish- I was coping ok but this was intense! I thought if I waited much longer I wouldnt be able to sit in the car. So I got DF to call her back for me so I could tell her we were heading in. DF helped me out of the shower and I grabbed a few last minute things for the bags.
2:00am - As soon as MIL came downstairs we left. Everything settled down again while I was getting organised and for the drive to hosp and I was still thinking this might stop again.
DF was speeding and I kept telling him to relax, we had plenty of time. It had only been 3 hours since the first contractions. Dont risk getting a ticket.
2:20am - the last time I looked at the clock so its all a bit fuzzy from here.
We arrived at the hosp and parked in the drop off area with the intention of sending DF back to move the car once I was inside.
I immediately found my "place" leaning over the end of the bed and aah ing through each contraction again and reminding myself that I had done this before I could do it again. This became the mantra in my head.
I thought for sure I had hours to go because I felt so in control. It was nothing like DS birth, which while it was a good experience, I felt out of control and the level and type of pain was completely different. His was all back labor though and Im fairly certain he was posterior, although noone ever said it.
My iron levels were extremely low so I agreed to a canula in case I hemorrhaged - which she had a really hard time placing as my veins had collapsed. It fell out when I was pushing anyway.
At some point I remember feeling her move down, like something clicking into place.
S showed DF how to use the pressure points on my back which was fantastic.
Then she went to get... something. Cant remember what. And instructed us to push the button if I started feeling pushy. She was only gone a few minutes but as soon as she walked out I realised Id had a few pushy moments and had ignored it because I was thinking it was too early. I mentioned it to DF and said it cant be time to push, its been too easy. Id had the urge to push too early (a few hours too early!) with DS so I wrote it off as that again.
But it was getting stronger and I couldnt help but push a bit each contraction so I told S and said I felt like I needed to poo. She told me it was probably my babys head! (oh.. der lol)
She checked bubs heartrate and she had moved down a lot since the last time she checked. Grabbed a mat (and the goggles since my waters were still intact) and waited for the next contraction. They were pretty much on top of each other by now and I was still sure it was too early. I was a bit worried that if I pushed I would cause swelling because it was too early. But I didnt have a choice really, my body was doing it anyway!
I cant think of a single thought or feeling that would indicate transition. I never thought I dont want to do this or that I couldnt like I did with DS. The worst was when I could feel her head on/in my cervix and the intense sharp pressure making me not want to push but having no choice - my body just did it. But even then I was in control of my thoughts and I knew I could do it.
I had 1 contraction that I pushed through, the next one my waters broke, 2 more contractions S told me to pant through because that cervical pressure was intense - felt like my body was ripping in half. I never had that with DS his was all ring of fire lol - another push and she shot out like a rocket.
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Stats
S.arah A.nn ~ 6 - 10 - 2013
Gest: 39+2 weeks
Weight: 3428g
Head: 34cm
Length: 53cm
Apgars: 8 & 9
Arrived at 3:53am
After a 4hr 23min labor
Less than 10mins pushing
A small tear in the same place as I tore with DS - no stitches.
I never even considered pain relief.
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Post partum
We were supposed to be discharged 4 hours after birth. We werent and initially the midwife on the mat ward made no secret that she didnt want me there. They didnt have room for me and the point of the MGP program is that we go home after birth (actually the point for me was the continuity of care and the more natural approach. But anyway.. :rolleyes: ) she quickly changed her tune...
Baby- bub swallowed a lot of fluid and was very grunty and mucousy for the first few hours. DF thought I was just being paranoid but S seemed to agree with me. After me asking a couple of times to check her breathing as she was getting worse and it seemed more labored she got the head MW to check her out. She got her to let out a big cry and clear her airway. After that she was breathing so quietly and normally I kept feeling like I needed to check she was still alive. :doh:
She was very sleepy and refused to wake for feeds. She had a short feed immediately after she was born but for the next 8hrs wouldnt take anything. I ended up hand expressing so I could syringe feed her a few times. After that she woke up a lot and took to the breast like an old pro. Since then we havent had a single issue except when I was super engorged and she couldnt get he little mouth around the areola.
She still wont wake enough for feeds if she doesnt want to though. :lol: No dream feeding here.
The was some confusion about my GBS status because even though the most recent test had come back negative the computer was flagging it as an issue and the hospital policy was unclear.
The pead decided to test bub just in case and it turned out that her white cell count was high - an indicator of infection. They took more blood for a blood culture and put her on IV antibiotics for 48 hours until they got the results back.
Results came back as normal, so no GBS and after the hearing screen and the neonatal screen we could go home.
Me-
I asked to stay in for 24hrs because I was feeling stressed about bub due to her mucousy breathing and because of my iron being so low I wanted to make sure all was ok with us both before we went home. Midwife on the ward was not happy but was suddenly much nicer after the test results came back.
I spent the first half a day in shock. Reminding myself she was my baby and I wasnt pregnant any more. It was very surreal. I just couldnt get my head around it.
The after pains were as bad as the labor pains. I knew theyd be worse than with DS but wow. I was breathing through them for the first day and a half and panadeine did nothing to help.
Because of the SPD I was compensating for the pain by using my tummy muscles a lot. This caused a significant muscle separation - more than a hand width. At 4 weeks pp it has all but healed though and is now less than a finger width. I still have some weakness that means I cant cough properly but otherwise feeling really good! It feels like pregnancy was a lifetime ago. Another world.
It feels fantastic to not be pregnant anymore, after such a difficult experience. And so many times I said I wouldnt do it again, it was just too much. But... now Im not sure. I love giving birth (call me crazy haha) and of course those newborn snuggles. Maybe in a few years and Ive forgotten all the horrid bits we'll revisit that...
After having my son I thought I had had the best birth experince possible - at least in a hospital, and I couldnt have had a better midwife than I had with him. I was wrong. So wrong. DDs birth was so calm and I felt so wonderfully supported. I feel this strange sense of love for S that I cant explain - she was just amazing.
The whole experience has left me feeling so empowered (so cliche but theres no better word) that it makes me slightly teary thinking about it.
Miss S.arah is 4 weeks old today and has just cracked the 4kg mark. She sleeps beautifully (dont hate me - DS was a shocker!), feeds well and is such a happy little being. Its like she is making up for all the stress of her pregnancy.
As hellish as it was, it was worth every minute.
