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My son Jamie is 4 and he's always hurting his sister biting, hitting for no apparent reason and yesterday he pushed her off her bike. I'm at a loss as to what to do I've tried time out, talking to him we try no to smack as much as possible I think I'm out of my depth and she's starting to copy his violence. Please Help
Have you asked him why he's doing it, how he's feeling, what he's thinking, what he feels should happen as a consequence?
I find if I give all the attention to the hurt child it seems to help.
Mine go through stages and often the child hurting the other is just expressing a frustration. It's really hard to deal with I agree.
I think ignore as much as you can (within reason) and remove the younger child if they are in danger 'come with mummy because I need to keep you safe' etc.
I think what Arcadia said is right..
Boys sometimes go through these phases, where they do these things for no apparent reason and with provocation..
I would set clear boundaries.. 4 is old enough to understand that consequences have actions..
Rather than punishing him with time outs etc praise your DD for not retaliating. Let your DD have dessert after dinner and DS has to go without.. This may seem cruel but it will be something that he understands quite quickly..having to go without while other enjoy is a really awful thing from a kids perspective.. And he will not want his sister to have something he cannot.. But the only way to stop this would be to not hit/bite/push her..
My other comment and my opinion would be not to try and make him rationalize his actions, with questions like why is he doing that? What's wrong? Etc. he is a child with child emotions and child rationals you cannot expect him to be able to analyse his actions like an adult or even be able to articulate his feelings. He is frustrated and needs to vent, and unfortunately little boys tend to do that physically..
It will pass.. And then come back.. And then pass again :)
What everyone else said!
I'd also talk to your DS about his feelings, when he's not upset or hurting. Keep it really simple, 'You looked angry before. Everyone gets angry sometimes and that's ok. But it's never ok to hurt someone else. What else could you do when you feel angry?' Or, as I did with DS in place of the last sentence, 'Instead of hitting or kicking when you feel angry, how about you hit your pillow?' It worked when he went through a 'frustrated' stage. I'd have to remind him and take him to his room, but sometimes you just need to let it out, iykwim?
DS also knows that anything that's 'not ok' gets him 'time in' (he calls it quiet thinking time - we sit together without talking until he calms down - cuddling or in a tight hold if he needs/wants to). Haven't used it for months though.