Mummas who go on long business trips

So ... I travel for work (interstate and overseas) periodically. Usually only 2-4 days at a time, 4-6 times a year. Every couple of years there's a longer one (8-10 days).

I have been tossing up whether to put my name forward for an opportunity within the organisation for next year, which will mean being away for 10 days. It's a long time, but no longer than I've done twice before - but obviously not with my DSs as old as they are now.

It's a CSR role at a Not For Profit that I love doing though, and have done twice before with the team, and which I actually went with my DH back to do a voluntary 6 week stint one summer with both of us working (pre babies - while I was pregnant, actually).

That being said, I was leaning towards not putting my name forward (which would surprise but not put out my boss) because I'd really rather go when I take take my family with me - which won't be for another year or more.

But then I learned that a high profile industry specific group I'm a member of is actually having their annual international conference in the city where the trip is, and is only a week before the trip ...

This conference is usually in far flung places (Dubai, London, New York) at really inopportune times for me with work. It's not due to be back in Oz for years. Realistically, this is my only chance any time soon to go to the conference.

But it would mean being away for about 3 weeks - the conference, a week in the middle (during which the organisation we're doing the CSR work at would happily have me), the CSR trip itself, and travel there and back.

That's a really long time for me. More than double what I've done before, and five times the length of what I've had to do in one go over the past year.

DH and I have spoken seriously about him and the boys coming with me. We would stay together, I'd duck out during the says for the conference, we'd stay and work together at the NFP together, and he would either fly home at the start or the end of the work CSR trip. We've decided that won't really work - he'd effectively be sole parenting it for an awful lot of it, and one of us would have to be minding the boys all the time - halving the amount of work we'd actually be able to do for the NFP. And it would cost thousands of dollars in airfares, insurance and accommodation. As much as we want to go back together, we want to be productive, we want to be able to enjoy and share it with the boys.

I've being weighing up the pros and cons ...

They're both things that I'd really like to do.

The NFP is one I really love. I love working with and for them, I love seeing how some blood sweat (nurons) and tears can make a huge difference, and how my particular skills can be used in such a great way with people who dedicate themselves to the lives of others.

The conference would be great for my career. It's so much more than what's available here in Oz, and it raises my personal profile with key people in my industry here, as well as overseas.

But it's a long time. Three weeks is a long time. I can skype, I can facetime, I can send special messages, I can organise extra playdates with the family and friends, but none of that is special mummy cuddles and books in bed and bathtime together. I know I *can* do it, but I'm not sure if I want to - for them or for me. Part of me knows that I'll be on a plane, then I'll blink, and the I'll be back on a plane going home, but with some incredible memories and some great new knowledge and contacts. And that if I was at home, I'd be going to work at the crack of dawn, coming home at night, and all very same old, same old. But then the other part of me wonders about all the things - the normal every day things - that will be going on at home without me. :cry:

DH says I should go for it. He knows it's a great opportunity. He knows it will be rough without me (particularly in that third week - for himself as much as for the boys) but he supports it.

I'm the one dragging my heels ... and I only have until Friday to decide.

I was confiding in a friend this morning, and she accused me of "trying to make excuses to go" as if I just want to justify my choice to go. I was really upset at her saying that. So please, no comments like that.

What would your thought process be?

Have you had to make a choice like this? Or has your DH?

different scenario given DH and many of his friends are truckies - but somewhat similar as well - they are away from their family for long periods of time, and contact is limited to phones when they can. It's doable. It's hard, but doable. You have to put in the effort to communicate when you have the opportunity, and then you have to put your everything in to doing what you are away to do, throwing yourself into it - to make sure that it's emotionally fulfilling and worth being away kwim?

Honestly, I would struggle to make the call - but I think i'd end up doing it. Three weeks is a long time - but the benefits of those three weeks long term would outweigh the downsides.

Don't let the words of your friend get to you - you don't need to justify your decision to anyone except yourself and your DH. and if you two are ok with it, no one else matters

I know your industry. I know what you do and how your job and contacts work.

I would definitely go.

I would absolutely go.

I would unashamedly go.

Just go.

I hear your hesitation! Never done anything like that before... Although when I have travelled it's the middle week where I am homesick more, so you might be surprised when your feelings fluctuate. It sounds like a great opportunity and I guess it depends on what you want to experience and what you want for your future. 3 weeks out of the kids lives will be hard, but it's doable. And maybe it's showing the kids to take chances and try new things even when they are hard.... It would be different if you did it all the time, but it's a once off event, that, as you say - you won't get the chance to do again.

I dont know whether I would go or not in your situation - but I can see the dilemma and sometimes I reckon the "not" comes from anxiety (or maybe guilt in a mummy's head) and I figure saying no to an opportunity because you are worried or anxious is not a great reason, but if you think it through and can't work out any ways to make it be "okay" and still feel reluctant, then don't go, but if you can work out a way to be "okay" with the negatives, then it sounds like an opportunity you can't say no to!

Not made that decision but have travelled for shorter periods. I think you sound like you would like to go, so I say go if your DH is happy enough with that. I wouldn't leave my DH with mine on his own for three weeks while he was working but if he wasn't and was happy with idea I might. I might also arrange grandparents to visit at some point during period.

DH has been away from the kids for three weeks twice now and I wouldn't think twice about him doing that, so providing he was ok with it, I think should also be ok for me to do same if was something I really wanted to do.

I think you should do it, for you own fulfilment for your career and personal well being. It will be hard for your dh but it will bring a lot of positives for you.

I went away for 8 days this year on my own to clear my head and process what I have been through in the last few years it was hard for me but easier on dh and the kids as they had a ball together. Shortly after I got back dh had to renovate his mums house due to budget constraints he did more than planned which meant for four weeks he pretty much wasn't here he was up early and home well and truly after the kids were asleep. It was a challenge but I survived too, like you said play dates helped, and the kids have pretty much forgotten already and loved to get postcards sent every other day.

I'm usually the home-fronter while my DH travels away to amazing far flung places for weeks or months at a time. So I would say GO FOR IT. Seize life with both hands. The dynamic at home will be different while you're away but that's not necessarily a bad thing. If you were considering frequent or more lengthy absences, then yes I would say think long and hard, but this is a very specific opportunity with very obvious benefits to it. There's a certain serendipity to the way the dates & location have lined up for the conference. I think if you chose not to go, you would really need to be quite clear about the reason for turning it down.

What a hard call!!!

Sounds like you would like to go and would be an amazing experience and great for career growth , given you have your DH backing I say go for it!!!!
It will be hard and you will miss all like crazy but in reality it is only 3 weeks, think of how much you would kick yourself if you didn't go!!

Hugs and good luck xoxo

Nutter, I'm another that is the sahp while the other half travels. While I acknowledge it will be tough for your DH, if he is supportive, I would definitely take the opportunity..

*deep breath*

I've put my name forward.

Que sera sera ...