second mc in 6 months.

i am devistated all over again. this time its just a little harder to deal with. it was only last week that i saw a flickering healthy heartbeat and less than 4 days later its gone.

pregnancy is soposed to be a joyful time full of celebration and i'm now left again with a feeling of utter dispare. i'm now destined to never feel that joy of gindin out i'm pregnant. i was a little scared this time and who knows how i will feel if i ever allow myself to start trying again.

i've waited 10 long years to find someone to have children with and have spent the last 2 years trying only for my body to fail at something it is designed to do.

i know in time i will heal and may be hopeful again but i just dont see how it could ever be a joyful experience for me.

I am so sorry hun:hug:. We never imagine growing up just how hard getting pregnant and then stayng pregnant is for so many until we are there ourselves. I know it is hard but don't lose all hope.

Huge :hug:

Be kind to yourself xxx

Huge hugs xx I know how it feels I truly do. Give yourself some time to grieve, dust yourself off and keep going even when you feel you can't xx

i wish there was someone to blame. at least then i would have an outlet for everything i'm feeling.

i dont know if i have the strength left in me to try again. i was so positive that this was it. i had absolutely no warning that this was going to happen and i feel like i did something to cause it.

Honey there is nothing you have or haven't done that caused this, please don't blame yourself. Be kind to yourself, let your body & mind heal but never give up hope. Xxx

So many hugs Wrangalove. We were in the same July group and I've just been through the same thing over Xmas and New Years. It's tough. If you need a chat, please get in touch. I lost my first daughter at 37 weeks too 9 months ago. I don't have any living children and I know just a little about the pain you must be feeling. I too feel pretty disappointed. Thinking of you, and love to you xxx

i know deep down that its not my fault but again i did everything you were meant to do and still it happened. i'm at a total loss.

summery, i'm sorry you had such a painful loss. i couldnt imagine what you went through. all the support offered on BB is amazing and it definately helps through the grieving process to hear simular stories and how each individual has coped.

Yes it sure does help to have support, doesn't it?
And be gentle on yourself - it's a very normal part of reconciling loss to blame yourself or someone or something, and to feel like giving up. All very normal parts of the grieving process, even though they are still so tough and painful to go through. You WILL get there, and that lucky beautiful child will be so lucky to have you as parents and will be so loved and cherished. You will get there, just keep going xxxx

So so so so sorry Wrangalove.

Best advice someone gave me.... "Be kind to yourself"

xoxo :hug: :hug:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I feel up it pain - I know if I'd had a second m/c I would have doubted myself enough to try again... But at that stage I had two healthy kids so I was very blessed.

Allow yourself time to grieve your losses hun. They were real to you and they were your babies. Many warm gentle hugs to you :comfort:

thank you all for your kind words. my DP and i have been talking it all through and the hardest thing we are both trying to work out it how it happened. there was no warning signs at all. i just started to bleed and the next morning it was over. its just so sudden. last time i had 2 weeks to wrap my head around it before the big event. this just kind of crept up on me.

i will try again. i want children more than anything. hopefully i'll be floating in the pregnant section again soon.

So sorry to hear of your losses. I have nothing more than lots of squishy hugs. Xox

Wrangalove I am so sorry to hear you had another loss. It is not your body; those tiny babes were meant to come to life inside you, they just weren't meant to walk the earth with us. X one day you will fall pregnant and you will be so scared and anxious and probably hate the pregnancy because of that but a baby will grow and keep growing. In the meantime allow yourself the time to grieve, to acknowledge a traumatic event.

just an update..

i thinks its left over hormones but i swear my boobs are still growing a little. dizzy as all hell today. i dont think the sac has passed and some of it may e stuck coz i'm not passing anything but blood and it still feels like there is something still there (sorry if tmi).

but on the plus side i'm feeling great. not angry or upset. i think i got over it rather quickly. being at work yesterday really helped me to not over think it.

have a doctors appointment on monday and will organise a scan to see if anything is left. i just want to move on completely and start trying again.

thank you again ladies for all the support. it has meant the world to me. lots of love!!!!

wrangalove - I am so sorry. as others have said, be kind to yourself.

in regards to your symptoms, you may well feel them for a while yet, as your BHCG will halve every couple of days, so takes a while to drop back to zero (I was still throwing up for almost a week post m/c). And for me too, each loss has been a very different experience in terms of the physical symptoms (like you, one took 2 weeks - one took a couple of hours). Sometimes there is no reason, so don't blame yourself, it's just a horrible sucky thing.

gentle hugs. xx

One more thing to add as I was thinking of you today.
I was thinking about how I felt so sad about my losses, and that i felt I couldn't go on and try again and yet now I have the most precious DD in the world. I look at her and think that she might not have been here if any of my other pregnancies had of been successful and I can't imagine it.
I hope soon you can reflect back on this time as a step towards your future and while one doesn't cancel out the other it is I guess a way of being of helping to move forward.