ADVICE NEEDED: DS going to hide to poo

Hi All,

Not sure where this goes but... I need some advice.

DS is not toilet train but goes to hide out in his room when he needs to poo. We thought this was just a phase and he would stop once we start toilet training, which we haven't. However, he has started Day care this week and they sent home a message that this behaviour is not good (1st time parents who have no clue).

I not too sure if he is ready to TT, as he doesn't let you know verbally that he is peeing or pooing but has been taking his nappy off. So I think he is becoming more aware but not quite there. We have an open toilet door policy and always tell him what we are doing but he hasn't really shown an interest, except for flushing the toilet or putting excess toilet paper in it.

We don't have much of a plan to train him, except taking off his nappy and trying to get him on the toilet every 2hrs but if anyone have any advice I would be glad to hear it.

Thanks

I thought lots of toddlers get to a stage where they like a bit more of their own space when they do a nappy poo. Eg going to a corner of the room or behind the couch. I'm not sure what it means because in my experience they then go on to be completely shameless when they are toilet training in my experience ie happy to go with the door open and others watching! Just a toddler quirk I guess.

What?! They sent you a message about that?
As far as I know it's normal. Both my older kids did it. Lots of other toddlers I have known have done it.
I'm actually a bit offended on your behalf that they would seek to shame a small child who is obviously not TTed for doing something so instinctual.

Oh dear, I thought it was pretty normal too? My 3.5yr old DD is completely toilet trained for peeing but still asks for a nappy and then tells me she is going to hide to poo. I just let her do her own thing... When she's ready, she'll poo in the toilet. She wears knickers to daycare and waits till she's home for a poo.. I think she has great bladder and bowel control :)

Oh my. Is be asking them if they open their Bowles in a public space full of their peers. Or if they were in a hospital ward, would they happily defecate on a chair with everyone watching and smelling?

As far as I'm concerned, your little one is normal. I'm yet to meet a child who doesn't seek privacy to use their nappy. Heck, my 1 year old has even started doing it! I'm of the belief that it is a developmental step - they become aware of people and what they're doing and wish to do it in privacy.

Totally normal behaviour! Both my kids did this and I know many others that have also done it.

Normal behaviour, they all seek privacy just like adults do.

DS2 has been TT for a year and will still not poo in toilet he waits till home puts a nappy on goes to his room or hallway and come back and gives 1 of us wipes and a plastic bag to clean him then pts undies back on. He has amazing control and will not go at CC or a friends house.

I don't know a single toddler who DIDN'T do that! I'd be really wary that if your daycare provider thinks that his is bad behaviour, I'd honestly be trying to find a new care provider because clearly they don't know much about toddlers! They do reach a point where they need privacy to do that - not so much with wee, but definitely poo. He's going to be 3 this year, so he's obviously becoming more aware of his toileting and when he needs to go. If he's not fussed about it just yet then there is no need to push the issue with him because it may just cause him angst and the it will put him off it altogether.

Exactly as Trillian said, I'd be looking for a new daycare centre, or at least bringing the subject up with them, as it is completely normal toddler behaviour!

DD1 did it for ages .. It's very very normal . They want privacy just like we do

Yep, very normal. All of mine started to do this at about 16-18 months old. It is also normal for kids to master bowel control before bladder control.

Its a step in the right direction :) Your LO knows when he needs to go & that's a good thing! I'd love to know what 'bad behaviour' it is & what they think it'll lead too??!

When I read your post, my mind flashed straightaway to the exact spot (behind her bedroom door) that DD2 used to crouch. I found it helpful to talk to her about how her body might be feeling right before a poo starts coming out & how that feeling means its a good time to go and sit on the toilet so the poo comes out & goes in the toilet instead. regardless of what their TT "readiness" is, talking about it helps normalise using the toilet.

Thanks Everyone, exactly what I thought totally normal.

I also called the child care and spoke to them. It turns out the message I got from my MIL, who picks him up for me, was wrong and that the child care was only asking if there was any interests that would distract my DS, as he doesn't like them to change him. Also, as my boy is quiet larger than a normal 2 1/2 (he's about 26kilos but over a metre tall), they have trouble lifting him to the change table. So we have agreed to put the change mat on the ground until he is comfortable with them.

So glad I called and a bit annoyed at my MIL for not being clearer... Anyhoo you have help me greatly and provided me with reassurance that what I thought he was doing was normal...
Thanks.