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some days i am ok. i dont think about it an look forward to starting to try again.
then i have moments like last night where everything i see or hear about makes me sad and i cry.
today i am just bitter about it all. i cant help feel cheated and let down. i constantly feel like i'm never going to have a successful pregnancy and i'm doomed to repeat these emotions forever.
i know its part of the process to feel this way but i just cant find the happy medium.
I've been thinking about you.
I found my second miscarriage much harder to take than my first. The first was kind of like "well this sucks but it happens I guess" and no2 was such a shock cos I NEVER expected it to happen again. I was angry and bitter. And ANGRY!
I would go a couple weeks being fine and then something stupid would set me off and I used to say to DP "why does this STILL hurt me!?!"
It does get better I promise.
To be completely honest, it only got much better when I was pregnant again, and way past the stage of my previous miscarriages.
My miscarriages were drawn out over months unfortunately and it didn't help me emotionally.
I went and saw an acupuncturist when I finished miscarrying and within the next cycle I was pregnant again and held onto the pregnancy and now have my precious dd2.
i guess the reason i'm finding this like a rollercoaster ride is everytime i think u have passed the sac, a few days later out pops another sac looking object and i go through all the emotions again. its very frustrating. i now wish i opted for the d&c. there is always next time. (my optimisum had cleary gone down the drain)
Oh Wrangalove, I've been thinking of you too.
I guess I've had a massive practice run before this miscarriage so it's impact was not so acute for me, but I understand why it feels so awful - saying goodbye to your little baby, lost time, grieving what could of been, and all of the other complexities that go with it.
It isn't easy.
Be nice to yourself.
Let yourself feel whatever comes up, and don't fight it. The intensity passes quicker that way, even though parts of your grief will always be with you.
It will happen for you Wrangalove. I know that sense of feeling like time is stretched out in front of you as a huge expanse while everything reminds you of your loss. Lots of hugs xxx
Wrangalove, this is a hard, hard journey. don't let yourself or anyone else try to convince you otherwise as a means of encouraging you to move quickly through the grieving process. Give it the time it (and you) deserve.
How is the world looking today for you, Wrangalove? Xxx
today was not such a good day. i spent the weekend with some friends who have a beautiful 7 month old boy. that was fine. then this morning i woke up and checked what my fb buddies were up to and saw an old school friend announce that she will be expecting her second baby on 4th august. it hit a little too closely and i broke down. all my dp could do was hold me in the shower.
i have been pretty down for the rest of the day.
i'm going to try something new. i am going to try and ask for some spiritual guidance. i'm a little iffy about it but trying cant hurt. i cant be any more haunted than i already am. haha.
have my doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon. hopefully he can help me some more. maybe my body is lacking something. i'm hoping we can do some investigations as to whats happening to me. i dont want to be this sad and feeling so hopeless anymore.
That sounds like a really good plan! And it sounds like you are really in touch with what you need and what might work well for you! Hugs to you, I know it's hard to see the light but you WILL get through this xxxx
How are feeling today Wrangalove? Some more emotions coming up for you? xxx
i am doing really well. ready to get back into ttc. managed to score myself a pack of 100 elivit tablets for $40 so starting monday i will be taking them everyday. this time around i want to be prepared in both body and soul. its time to kick this in the butt.
thank you for all your support summery. you're a legend!!!
Yay! That's SO good to hear :)
Oh my, don't thank me. I know your pain, truly. My heart hurts when I hear that same anguish I knew so well. It's the least I can do! I'll keep stalking you until you have your precious bub in your arms, which I know will be sooner than you might think :)
i have everything crossed but my tubes lol.
Heeehee :) can't wait to hear your good news soon xxxxx
I'm glad your feeling better wrangalove :-)
I so feel for your post here as I feel exactly the same way.
I really do feel I'm doomed to only ever miscarry and feel this broken pain with empty arms.
I've lost 2 bubs while my fb friend (who is feeling movements now)
who announced her pg on fb thesame time .
I was too scared to dare announce it.
I wish you lots of healthy pregnancy/baby dust xxxx
thanks!!
i still have moment where i want to rip out my hair. next week marks the edd of loss #1 and also the 12wk mark of loss #2. so its going to be a tough one. just had my first af after my last mc last month so fx that it happens quickly. this time i wont be so eager to hare though. will be keeping it rather quiet until i am well past the 12wk point.
Gosh sometimes it feels as though a MC is the grief that keeps on giving :-/ add a few of them and you have a whole lot of it!
I often tell myself enough! But then I just bottle it up and end up crying later.
Congrats on being able to try again xox sorry it has to be so tuff waiting so long to relax into the thought of being preg again.
Baby dust ************
you too sarah! i have been following you as my last mc was kind of the same. everything was going well. had an u/s on a thursday and saw a hb. then a few days later on a sunday night i just started bleeding. no cramping or anything. it was hard. i had to suck it up rather quickly and go straight back to work after it was confirmed the next morning at the hospital.
i'm sorry you are going through it and i am sending some baby dust your way also!