Would you apply for a job that would make your DH unimpressed?

There is a job I would LOVE going to be advertised soon. It is in a midwifery led practice recently commenced in my area. This is huge as my work place has always been medical based. I really really want to apply and these opportunities don't come up very often. Its a highly sort after job and I imagine once they have filled this final position its unlikely to be advertised again unless only for maternity relief although there is only one employee of child bearing age.

Now the problem is its 50kms from my home which isn't a huge thing as I work that was 1-2days a week anyway (but not 4) it still add's a good 1.5hours a work day in travel time. We may sell up and move closer to town so maybe this wont be an issue in a year or two anyway.

The other problem is the hours are flexible depending if one of the women you are caring for goes into labour. It also means I have to do 4 days a week at minimum and I currently only do 3 which DH is not happy about. The money is quiet good. Around $1600 before tax a week.

I really want to apply for it when its advertised but I know DH will be very unhappy if I got the job. What would others do? Not apply because your DH wouldn't want you to do it?

Have you expressed to your DH just how much this job means to you?

To be honest, if it was something that was that important to me I would do everything in my power to get my husband to see it from my perspective. Surely if he did he wouldn't let you pass up this opportunity?

Good luck!

Your DH loves you because you are you. Not because you are like him. You need to do things that make you more how you want to be. Not more how he wants to be, if that makes sense. My DH went through a long phase of being annoyed that I was not doing things like he would, or like he liked, or enjoyed etc. It took us a bit (like over a year) to realise that I was never going to do things like he wanted. And that made me, me. And it was not about him in any way. It was just me, being more me. And if he wanted a clone of him...well, that was a bit weird!

So he wants you to stay home more? And you want to work more. Not just that you want to work more, you want this amazing opportunity which will be more than just a job. Surely this will make you happier and more satisfied.

What are the things that will bother him, and how can you overcome them, so that an incredible opportunity does not pass you by.

I would apply and talk to him, give him time to get used it it. When you get an interview - then you can sit down and thrash out how you can make it work so that it's not just about you missing an opportunity because of him being annoyed.

Beautiful advice Lenny, you said everything I wanted to but couldn't find the words!

I guess one of the problems is DH has expectations of his wife similar to what his mother was like (not work and stay at home with the kids, cooked meals, clean home etc) Now times have changed and we could not afford for me to stay at home anyway even if I wanted to. My current wage alone all goes in bills we have to pay where as his wage feeds us with a small amount left for extras and a little to be saved some times but not always.

Me working more hours plus the extra travel time means a lot more time away from home. And he would have to be more flexible with his work to pick the kids up and possibly go to work later if I was attending a birth overnight.

Although I try hard I am not the best cleaner and this makes him unhappy. More time away from home will mean less cleaning although less time at home to make it messy so maybe that's not an issue anyway. It would however mean more money to pay a cleaner once a week.

The job has not been advertised yet. It may not be advertised again for another 3-6months. After interviews and the like it may even be another 9months before I would start and that's not to say I would get the job anyway. It would really depend on who else applied. Recently they have 3 applicants for 2 jobs and they only gave 1 position out and knocked the other two back.

I am not exactly friends with the manager although we don't dislike each other either. I know I have additional qualifications to everyone else (been immunise trained and also now a child and family health nurse) I have also done all the compulsory courses as a child and family health nurse that need to be done to do this other job so that would mean less time away from the job if I got it and less money for them to have to pay if someone else got the job. I think this would be a big factor in who got that job. They are also having a lot of difficulty with postpartum concerns such as slow weight gain, mastitis, postnatal depression and jaundice with the current midwives not having experience outside the hospital. I think the fact I am also a CFHN would help too as this is one of the problems they are having with their clients when things don't go as planned (they pick up women from 12weeks pregnant and follow them through until 6weeks postpartum)

It sounds very complicated but I am worried if I don't apply I will regret it. I would also worry about spending more time away from my children. DH and I are also ttc although we don't hold a lot of hope in that. I have not been on contraception since my last child was born March 2011 and there is a good chance another 3 years will go past and I wont be pregnant so I that is not a turn off.

I had always wanted to do caseload and had been waiting and waiting for it to come from when I stared in 2003, it started in 2008 when I was going on maternity leave with DS1, I could not do it due to the fact that DH is not really flexibile at all!!! He cracks it and carrys on if I ask him to do anything on his way out the door! Don't get me started that I need to get both kids up and dressed and out to CC on my way to work 3 days a week! Anyway back to your question I would tell him how much this ment to you and how you would love the continuity. But sadly if he is not on the same page as you then it is going to be stressful for you and not as enjoyable as you imagine.

Good luck and I hope you can talk him round, life is so much more complicated with kids!

Are you allowed to live that far away for caseload midwifery?

This is a really difficult dilemna. Sounds like your perfect job is only going to come along very rarely so you need to take that opportunity. However, on the other hand, you know that you will be having to continue to juggle all your current home duties. So have a think realistically about what that will be like and whether your DH will help you more than he does now.
I have had the opportunity in the last few years to change from my part time job I have been doing for many years to a full time more stimulating job however I know that I would be putting more pressure on myself as DH won't pick up the slack at all so I have resigned myself to the fact that part time is for me. Also, any time DD is sick, I am so thankful I did not take on full time work.
So having said all that, I would go for the job and try it out. If it doesn't work, you can resign after giving it a good go.

If it's your dream job or a stepping stone closer to your dream job then go for it, no question in my mind. Hubby needs to accept it.

I applied with not really discussing it with DH. Although it wasn't in our plans to go where we are going ;) DH has been nothing but supportive because he knows how much I want that position!
I think you should have a serious discussion about the job, about moving and about hiring a cleaner if that is all he thinks you should be doing ;)

Well, I've been seriously unimpressed by my DH's job for the last 20 years, so I'd say yeah, go for it.

Take the job.

Allocate a portion of the extra earnings to hire a cleaner once a fortnight.

I know for me that I am a much, *much* better wife and mother when I am fulfilled. Not selfishly running around doing everything I please, but genuinely fulfilled, with a challenging, rewarding, personally growing career that I love and am good at. Something where I make a significant contribution directly into the lives of others, and which in turn feeds, blesses and nourishes me.

So I would go ahead with the job, and let my DH see the fruit - a better me, and therefore a better wife and mother.

If there was some genuine reason it was going to drive a wedge in my marriage, I might think twice - but if the wedge was going to be driven by my career choice (and something which I'd already studied and was working towards, and which had a perfect opportunity arise) then a wedge would just as likely be driven by resentment, if I had to pass up my dream job because of some extra travel and a bit less cleaning ...

Generally speaking though, I expect household tasks (cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening) to be allocated equally with adjustments as required (someone's working much more, or studying for exams, or sick, or whatever ... but generally, it's pretty equal...).