Drawn out Bed Time - 19 months

I really am at my wits end....

For the last few weeks, DD has been a nightmare to settle down to sleep at night (easier during the day if I ensure she is tired enough). It is currently taking me 1+ hours to get her to sleep. Tonight 1.5 hours. Its draining. I work 4 days and losing 1-2 hours each night trying to get her to sleep is just frustrating me to the point of tears constantly. I yell, I am cranky with DS and DH, and I am just so disappointed in my ability to cope with this.

I really dont know what else to try, she fidgets, crys, screams, hits me, fights me, escapes or just lays there talking. We are not interested in CIO and generally I will rock her to sleep in the rocking chair after some milk, then lay her in the cot as she drifts off. She used to fall asleep in 5-10 mins. Now it seems most of my night (and down time) is spent putting her to bed.

I know my frustration isn't helping. I have left the room with her safely in the cot when she is resisting or carrying on too much as I just cant take it, my patience is low and I have yelled at her a few times when I have reached my limit. When I've calmed down a few minutes later I have returned to start the process all over again.

I am pretty certain that separation anxiety is at a high for her, she is my shadow during the day (which while lovely most of the time, it can be very draining when I just need 5 mins to get a few things done). Life is very busy, DS has just started school - and with work, the school run, childcare run and everything else I am just exhausted. My Mummy reserves are low. I just cant think of new things to try. I am finding it hard to stay calm and I feel that I am not taking the time to enjoy the kids, as I am so busy trying to get through the day, keep up with washing, dinner, etc etc

DH can get her to sleep much easier than me, so on the days I really cant muster it, he puts her to bed, she doesn't seem to fuss so much with him, so thats a good thing. But I used to LOVE putting her to bed, those sleeping cuddles, it was relaxing for me and her. I want that back, Now it just seems a battle and I dread it every night as its such hard work constantly..

Tell me its a faze, DD is a strong willed little lady and I fear we will always have our battles as she is her mothers daughter. I just need it to be easier. I feel like I am just existing and every day is groundhog day :( This is really impacting us at the moment and I need to find a way to get through this and improve my patience and tolerance.

Huge hugs. Both my girls are like this, it chops and changes, but they're more regularly difficult to get to sleep than easy.

We had this with DS up until pretty recently (beginning of this year) - we just had a rota of who did what evenings - because like you say after being out at work all day you do need to have some evening left. Often would take from 7:30 - 9:00, so home at 6:00 an hour for tea, half hour for stories, 1.5 of one of us trying to get him to go to sleep, then an hour if that before bed.

Every now and again we would just try leaving him in bed with toys and books and see what he did, for the first few times we tried was no good he would just scream or climb up with DD and we weren't prepared to leave him screaming, so would leave it a month and try again. Beginning of this year we tried again and he just stopped screaming, he still protests but isn't distressed and just seems to sit and talk to his toys and eventually fall asleep, he just seems to need the wind down time, and there was that period of time where he wanted us but we weren't helping him wind down.

Do you think she might be ready to go into a bed? Maybe a change like that could help?

Hugs, I know what you mean about groundhog day, and honestly I don't know how we managed so long having to sit with him for 1.5 hours a night - really the only thing that helped me through it was the fact I could lie down and although I didn't like falling asleep because was a zombie on waking in my mind at least I felt like the time was useful in that I was getting some shut eye. He was always quicker for DH than me too, but I think because DH was better at not interacting with him so that allowed him to wind down more, as with me he was always trying to entertain me (DH used to listen to podcasts on iphone while doing it).

I remember the night routine with DD1. It went on for months for us. We would put her into bed (we took the side rails off the cot because it was evident she hated that) and I'd sit on the floor beside her. I'd muck around on the laptop and rarely say anything to her, other than a gentle but firm "go to sleep, DD" if she started to play up a bit. But it would often take up until around 10pm to get her off to sleep and she would rarely allow DH to do it. It got better over time and we figured out that she would go to sleep quicker if we left the room. We did that in baby steps - we'd stay with her for quite a while and then leave, but the time we stayed got shorter and shorter.

The long nights of mucking around was also one of the reasons we stopped day sleeps. Even now, if she has a nap during the day (usually if she flakes in the car), she will lie in bed awake until 11.

But it did settle down eventually!

I reckon for now, get DH to do bedtimes. See if you can get her back into the habit of going to sleep easier. You take over on the weekends when time is a little bit freer. Try an earlier bedtime? We've gone earlier again with DD2 just recently, she's asleep just before 6.30 where it's been around 7.30-8 previously. What happens if you try to get her to fall asleep if you snuggle up on your bed and then move her? Playing music for her while she has a drink (not necessarily kid's songs either - DD2 alternates between rock ballads and dance tracks). You've probably tried all of this, but thought I'd throw it out there just in case.

I completely understand the frustration. And tiredness and lack of time for yourself. Let DH take over for now, let the frustration pass and then try again in a few days :hug:

DS went through a brief period of resisting bedtime when he was about 2. He didn't get upset, just didn't want to lie down and go to sleep. We found consistency and no interaction was the key.

So, DH and I decided together (so it didn't matter who did bedtime, it was done very similarly each time) that we'd do the bedtime routine as normal, then we'd say something like, 'goodnight, it's bedtime now. If you talk or call out, we won't answer, we've had our cuddles, story, drink (etc) and now it's sleep time.' Then we'd tuck him in, kiss/cuddle, night music on and stand at the door (he was happy with that as that's what we'd always done. If you're normally in the room, I'd stay there). If he tried to get our attention, we'd ignore him (I'd close my eyes and semi turn my back), if he got upset we'd go in, but not pick him up, cuddle or talk to him. This was rare though. Just sit or stand there, maybe put our hand on him or in the cot, but we didn't make eye contact.

If we talked to him (that's enough, sleep time now etc) then it was like we'd pressed his 'reset' button... But when we didn't interact, he'd get bored and go to sleep much more easily and quickly. The phased passed quite quickly if that helps to know ;)

I also read that if it was taking an hour to get them to bed, to temporarily make the time they were falling asleep their bedtime. Bring it forward by ten mins every few days til it's back where you want it.

Oh, and I agree that DH should do it for a few days to give you a break :)