Children & sleep

Ds & dd3 are 6 & 3.5. Neither of them will go to sleep on their own & I'm starting to get really tired of the drama of getting them to sleep every night.

First of all, DS. At 6 I really should be able to say 'ok bed time, good night' & walk away.
No. IF he has the dog locked in the room & the light on he MIGHT put himself to sleep. 80% of the time he'll even stay there all night. Unless he's extra scared of nothing that night.

I had to rearrange bedrooms & put dd3 in his room because he refused to go to sleep alone & I can't be in 2 rooms at the same time.

I've tried everything to try get him to put himself to sleep, but he's scared of everything! I don't understand it. He won't walk to the toilet alone in the middle of the day! He once freaked himself out coz everything in his room was too still.

All my friends are the 'just lock him in there' type, so have no interest in their advice.

I think he believes the movies. That his toys really do come alive & that there actually are monsters under his bed. Not sure where he thinks they come from though lol, no wardrobes/built ins in this house ;)

I dunno. I guess I'm not too worried about dd3 yet. I'm just tired of the battle every single night. I've tried being sympathetic, reassuring etc etc but he just won't let it go.

He is 6. Surely it is reasonable of me to be able to say 'bed time' & that's it? Both my older girls were doing this by 3/4. (That's why I think dd should be starting soon.) Why at 2 or 3 years older does he refuse?

Maybe I'm allowing it? But the 2 hours or so of screaming if I didn't sit with him wouldn't be worth it to force him...

In over my head... again!

My little sister was like this. Annoyed me at bedtime for years, til I told her the crocodiles that live under the beds would eat her, so I could go to sleep.

Hate to say it, but she did still sleep with mum as a teen sometimes.

Some children are just scared and need help. My sister was scared of tv and film characters for years. I'm talking the goonies and star wars, not like Chuckie or anything.

I think she once said care/love, not mockery and crocodiles would have helped. She still remembers my crocodiles, big wedge between us.

Can you make up some monster spray

I just made up a bottle added a picture of monster with it crossed out. Water and lavender.

Spray that every night before he goes to sleep because that keeps everything away and safe - really embellish it when you do it.

It worked for my youngest. We had to spray the spray a few times during the night for the first week. But then it became less and less and now I don't even do it

I've thought of that Cat. I'm just not sure he'd go for it. Dd maybe, but not so sure about ds.

He's in my bed again now :/ but I did manage to start them both off in their own beds last night.

Dd2 was like this too, but she was scared of what was outside. Ds is scared of inside. And we sleep every night with the toilet light on just outside his room. Always have.

I will try though.

TFB ds is fine if with one of the bigger girls in the room. He's ok even with just dd3 in there, but she doesn't go to sleep alone yet either.

if the toys are triggers in the dark, can you remove them from the room?

i am about to try a dream catcher.

we have lost our way again, but had success with settling dd in her bed (books etc), waiting awhile then leaving the room to 'go to the toilet' and returning. then it might be leave to get a cuppa and will be back... keep the time you leave only as long as they can stay calm and in bed ... over time, extend the time you leave and eventually dd would fall asleep without us in the room.

He sounds like he's very anxious. Perhaps you can speak to a doctor about this?

I may do that at some point again. I had dd2 at the paed today, and she recommended some books on anxiety etc in kids, so will be looking them up ASAP. Hopefully it can help with DS as well.
I had him assessed by an OT a few years ago, with the answer being attachment issues. So this is an ongoing thing. It's just that I feel he should be growing out of it by now, but he's not. And I'm running out of patience as well as ways to calmly deal with it.

I imagine that if it's beyond run of the mill separation anxiety, then it's not likely to be something we just grow out of. More likely it will just get worse if not addressed.

I need to book him in for his constipation issues for a check up anyway, so I'll talk to the gp & see what he says.

Thanks

I let DS2 (4yo) go to sleep with his bedside lamp on. This is a new thing. Up until about 4 months ago he would not have a problem in going to bed in total darkness with the door shut. Suddenly he started to ask that the light be left on. I tell him okay and that I will turn it off once he's asleep. He knows how to turn it on so if he wakes up during the night (which.he.does.every.single.night. ...erm, but that's a whole other gripe!) he switches it on and goes to the toilet.

FWIW when DH is away I still check my walk-in robe and :redface: yes, I've been known to check under the bed too.