Child management... argh

well I guess it should be *children* but I've posted here as its the youngest I'm most stuck with.

Three boys, 3, 6 &9 but lets focus on the 3 & 6 year olds who live at home.

behavior... oh my gosh I'm at my wits end and I'm finding it hard trying to work out a solution that is fitting for all the boys.

biggest issue is the squealing, in anger, in frustration, when playing and sometimes just for the sake of making a noise.

they no longer listen and if one child learns a new habbit you'll be sure the other picks it up.

with the 6 year old we have tried rewarding positive behavior with marble and taking it away when naughty and then counting them up for pocket money. started doing the pocket money weekly but that lost its interest so now we are trying to fill the jar with good to earn a reward. the 3 year old was oblivious to the whole concept of even moving the marbles.

we do time out. 1 minute per age... but the 6 year old was in time out for 28 minutes this morning because on the way to time out he threw things, screamed, squealed, name called etc and I kept adding a minute until he was seated quietly and in the end I ignored him because the time was getting so long.

I think part of the problem is consistency between the 3 adults *me hubby and au pair* so I want to work out a strategy that I can enforce with the adults but need to work out something that will work... I'm tired of hearing that my son wishs I was dead when I tell him off :(

I don't know if this is relevant or not but one of the things we were told in a behaviour class focusing on "strong willed" children was to never take away a reward earned for bad behaviour. As the kids soon figure well what's the point of being good if she is just going to take it away. So the marbles would stay in the jar and the point made that no more would go in or something but what they earn is theirs. Not sure if that's of any help to you.

I would have real rewards and punishments, not marbles and time outs.

Won't go to bed when asked? No long story. Goes to bed promptly, two stories.

Wishes you were dead? Be dead and don't play with him.

Stop playing games if they won't follow rules or fight.

If they choose to squeal like pigs, they can live outdoors like pigs.

If they eat all their meal (assuming you make food they like), they have pudding.

I have a very strong willed, but also now very empathic and considerate 7yo. Without "breaking" or "destroying" his leadership skills, but instead by adding good people management and team building skills.

Don't have any experience with this but I remember on supernanny she would never extend the time in timeout but it didn't start til they were in there spot sitting or standing. Then after they had to apologise and hug and that was it, no more mention of said indiscretion.

I hope you find a happy solution. I have a feelings will have a very strong willed kid on my hands too.

Thank you ladies, it's just so difficult. I found myself getting out of control this afternoon at their behaviour and it's time mary poppins turned up :D

Edit: wrong thread