4yo with possible ASD - please offer some advice

DH and I went to DS2s preschool this morning for a "chat" with his teacher and preschool coordinator. Everything that they are saying and behaviour that we have witnessed at home seems to add up that there may be something else. We have an appointment on Monday with a paed and I've also made an optometrist appointment for Friday 6 June. DS2s teacher sent me an email of her concerns as she thought it may be useful to take to the Paed.

What are our concerns?

• a lot of hands on, aggressive, non-compliant
• doesn’t join in or participate in group times that exceed 5 minutes
• cannot sit and eat his lunch by himself someone has to be there as he will run off
• running off during PMP and sport outside
• not really getting a lot out of the program because it seems that he may not be coping with it
• that he still has a regular long sleep
• he isn’t talking about how he is feeling so he can’t sort through it and lashes out due to frustration
• he will not pick up a pencil to draw or write his name and often when he is asked to he will throw the equipment, hit someone or stamp his feet
• often when you ask why he did something he can’t really tell you why he only tells you that he has to say sorry or exactly what he did rather then why he did it. (e.g. because she pushed in).

Thoughts? Ideas?

I took him to the doctors the other week for his sleeping issues - not getting more than 5 hours in a row. The gp made an appointment with the paed and his first question was any obvious signs of autism/ aspergers/ adhd.

I would like to hear from someone who has had similar issues and been diagnosed and how you are getting through, what you can do....

Sorry - I'm not being clear. I know that there's something wrong. I've known that there's been something wrong and my DH has only now been confronted with it. It's funny that while DH said "he's fine" I could carry on and pretend that it was ok. Now I'm just a mess and can't think straight.

Stupidly I did one of those online quizzes from a US medical site for autism spectrum disorders and came back with mostly yesses and the result being to take my child to a paed for evaluation. I know that the logical thing to do would be to wait for the paed's appointment but that is a whole 4 days away.

So please, if you've been there, done that, give me some positive advice. Maybe even some questions that I can ask the paed on Monday.

Thanks for reading.

If you do end up getting a diagnosis, please know that it is not the end of the world and I think it is easier once you know exactly what you're dealing with iykwim? Early intervention is super important, so the earlier the diagnosis, the better. My ds2 was diagnosed with classic autism when he was 3. It was devastating at the time, but we're doing much better now x is there any questions in particular that you have?

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If you do end up getting a diagnosis, please know that it is not the end of the world and I think it is easier once you know exactly what you're dealing with iykwim? Early intervention is super important, so the earlier the diagnosis, the better. My ds2 was diagnosed with classic autism when he was 3. It was devastating at the time, but we're doing much better now x is there any questions in particular that you have?

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Thanks Ginger. I don't think I have any questions in particular. I guess I just wanted to know that everything will be alright - no matter what the diagnosis is. So, you saying you're doing much better now seems like the perfect answer.

Something I came to realise is that my son didn't change from the day before to the day after he was diagnosed. And neither did my innate connection to him as a mother. You know your son and what he needs on a deep level, and you're already providing that with or without a diagnosis. A diagnosis, or at least even an understanding that he needed extra care and support, did help me access that support though and the extra help we get through therapies is a lifeline for me and obviously a great help for him. But my emotional connection with him could never be taught or changed. Give him an extra hug and squeeze and remember it's okay to cry xx

Liebs is undiagnosed Aspie. He gets some extra help at school, but is towards the typical end of the spectrum so does not, now, need more.

A lot of it sounds like normal little boy: school is geared to the compliant child, and modern parenting encourages individuality and enjoyment of life. So it picks up "problems" that is really just an adjustment period.

Agree with meow. He's still just the same kid he was before. At least now I've been able to do lots of reading and learning, and adjust the way I communicate with him. He's still the coolest kid I've ever met. Hang in there xo

Big hugs. Are you getting a sleep study done? Surely interrupted sleep would cause daytime issues?

Depending on your philosophical bent if you aren't happy with the diagnosis you receive, you could explore some other areas. We've been seek some great results from our kinesiologist, who also deals in retained neonatal reflexes. I know not everyone agrees with this stuff but just thought I'd mention it.

The absolute best thing you can do right now is pursue expert professional help, which is what the paed is for. It can be a long process, but figuring stuff out will help you to put your son into a more useful context and allow you to understand where he's coming from better. This is what changes, that and maybe being able to get some help where you guys need it. Also, the sooner you do it the better.
I would suggest looking into the sleep thing, because lack of sleep is a possible contributing factor, and maybe also stuff like diet, too. Sometimes these things all linked together and there's quite a growing body of evidence that gut health is linked to things like autism.

Autism is genetic. Your paed may suggest trying melatonin to help aid sleep, if you get the diagnosis.

Re the melatonin, Ginger, do you know if anyone has looked into tart cherry juice with kids with ASD?

No I've never heard of it md? I know a handful of people that have used melatonin and found it extremely helpful. I haven't used it myself, but will if it becomes necessary later on.

Actually, no gene has been found for autism so it is still speculation to say it is genetic.

Personally, we have seen HUGE gains through 'alternative' therapies. I highly recommend GAPS. Helped my son's energy and sleep a lot. Absolutely look into diet and natural remedies before supplementing your child with hormones.

Never hurts to try different things, just remember that most of the research is showing limited benefits (if any) for management of ASD through diet and other alternative therapies. Be careful about spending lost of money on some of those things as there isn't the evidence base for the effectiveness of them. Having said that, some people do find these things help, just make sure to made educated choices and be careful. Get the correct diagnosis for now, just so you know what you are dealing with. The right diagnosis ensures the right path of intervention and then an increased likelihood of making changes that can be sustained. Xox

Early diagnosis is best for favorable outcomes. A whole new world will open up for you once a diagnosis is in place and as others have said it isn't the end of the world. I have two boys on the mild end of the spectrum and I wouldn't change a thing. We just need a few adjustments in our life to make it easier for them to cope.