LTTTC and PTSD

Hi there lovely ladies. I am definitely more of a stalker than a poster these days as I wrangle my two beautiful little girls who I am eternally grateful to be mummy to. It took DH and I 8 long years to get our forever babies and, over time, I felt myself getting more and more numb towards the whole process in an effort to protect against disappointment after disappointment and more and more heartbreak. Throughout my pregnancy, I could never let myself believe that there were going to be babies at the end of it because we were just so conditioned to expect the worst, then when our girls did arrive, life was so full-on and chaotic which was to be expected with newborn twins. Now that life is more manageable, I have been reflecting on things a lot lately, and I'm coming to realise that I still carry a lot of this numbness around and have internalised a whole heap of feelings but because a lot of me is still numb, I can't get past them. I'm just wondering if post traumatic stress is possible after long term ttc and if anyone else has experienced anything like this? And how they coped with it. I don't think anger is the word for it but there are just so many repressed feelings that I have and I don't know how to deal with them. Thoughts/experiences, anyone?

TIA :)

Massive hugs. It is perfectly understandable to have unresolved feelings after 8 hsrd years of ttc. It becomes you and your life. My only advice is a councillorwould be a good start. Even as a sounding board for you to start ralking about those feeling and getting them out.
Im sure. Other women have more and better input. But i do know you are not alone in those feelings. Xo

Hugs.
Yes.
I am the same.

There is very specific criteria that applies to a formal diagnosis of PTSD.... And it would be particularly worthwhile speaking with someone if you feel the anxiety and stress is impacting on your daily life.

I do think that LTTTC is very stressful and I think N2L posted a perfect thread somewhere about conception trauma. Which is exactly how I feel. LTTTC has its own set of trauma and challenges. And I would like to be happy for people getting pregnant naturally, but it's hard.

:hug: LTTTC sucks, even if you DO get pregnant.

It is very comforting to know that the way I feel is not totally abnormal and that others feel the same. Now to just address it appropriately instead of pretending all is good.

I'm not even sure I have been excited about being pregnant yet. I mean.... I am enjoying a bunch of things, but I've been expecting problems all the way through. But they just haven't happened. All has been well. So instead, I'm now preparing for a traumatic birth and crappy breastfeeding and all that. We haven't got a nursery set up yet.... I'm 36w2d pregnant!! I've got most of the stuff I need, bit I've really struggled with the decision making.... Feeling confident in knowing what I'll need and being okay with that. It just doesn't feel real.

I'm happy. Definitely happy. And much more content and emotionally stable than I was... But.... I just feel quite dissociated and disconnected from the pregnancy. I don't feel attached to my belly. I feel guilty for not enjoying it more and not enjoying being pregnant. I've wanted it for so long, and yet... I feel like all I do is complain. It just does not feel real.

I want more than one kid. Already I am thinking about how difficult it's going to be to get pregnant again. And how old I am. I haven't even got this one out yet! I don't even know if I will cope with multiple children! It sucks and it feels really unfair. I don't know how I would have got through without bellybelly.

Yep belly belly saved me too

Myturn, that is just how I felt too. I just want to be able to feel things properly again now. I love my girls more than life but instead of being able to express emotion now, I just get irritable over everything

Being a mum is hard at the best of times, and LTTTC just complicates it. I was seeing a psych for the last couple of years which helped, and I'll definitely got back and see her after peanut is born if needed. Maybe worthwhile chatting with someone. Even if it's just once or twice help yourself process stuff. Xox

Sorry for my short reply earlier! I have been pondering this very thing. While I don't see it as PTSD for me, I'm
Incredibly scarred by the experience. I'm still finding it hard to move on from my infertility and I keep labeling myself that way.
It impacted our lives in so many ways. I re-read my early blog entries and I want to cry reading between the lines as the feelings are still so easily stirred up
I actually had drafted a blog post around this stuff. A light hearted view as I'm not ready to deep dive into it. A bit like you have said I'm still pretending all is ok :)

It surely is a relief to realise I am not alone with these feelings. I guess it's a grief reaction. Maybe that's what you are looking for rather than PTSD... Of course it could be a PTSD reaction.... But that would be a pretty severe impact on your life to get that diagnosis. Grief and loss.... That is exactly how I perceive it.

And grief never goes away. People move forward and have healthy lives, but grief is always there looming, it comes out when you least expect it. We understand this when it comes to people dying, but things like LTTTC are less tangible when we think and talk about grief. It's harder for other to accept. They think that when you have that baby it all goes away. But it doesn't. It still defines us. It still determines the way we interact and talk about things with others.

I wish it would go away. I would like to just 'be' myturn. Not that girl who had to do IVF and took four years to get pregnant. Ans a whole bunch of other things that betray low self esteem and a lack of confidence etc etc etc... Not all coming from LTTTC.... But... Those that are not LTTTC related are exacerbated by it.

Ptsd probably is too strong a term but I'm finding it really hard to put a finger on the way I'm feeling so I will go and talk to someone I think. But so good to know others feel the same.
I hop

Ptsd is likely to strong a term but I am finding it really hard to put my finger in how I feel so I think it probably is a good time to talk to someone as it is impacting on day to day life. V glad to know I'm not alone though.

Myturn, I hope when your little one arrives, you get some healing from your journey, it's funny because I always thought I'd be miraculously healed once I became a mum but ltttc has defined who I am now in so many ways so time to work on that xxx