Dealing with 'sickness'

Just after advice

Last night DD2 said she felt sick at dinner. She had just returned from a week at her dads. Went to bed after tea with no fuss

This morning she slept in and didn't look the best so I kept her home from school. Around 1030am she perked up. Slowly got more active through the day and I realised I'd been fooled. She later admitted she wasn't sick

Fast forward to 130pm and the school calls to say DD1 is in sick bay. I find the story a bit far fetched, but pack DD2 and DD3 into the car to collect her and DS (as I didn't want to make a second trip back 40 minutes later).

Get to the school and DD1 gives me a smirk that tells me I've been played AGAIN!

I tell them both I'm disappointed that they lied to me, that I understand it's hard to give them 1 on 1 time since DD3 came, but school holidays are less then 2 weeks away and then we will have a whole week with me through the day.

It got me upset and angry that they done this today, but I didn't physically show that to their face. Arghhhh!

We're not at this stage yet but I can't imagine I would be too happy with my two if they did that :hug:

When we were "sick" mum used to make us stay in bed all day.
No TV, no sitting on the couch and depending on how "sick" we were, after school or weekend events may be cancelled too.
We were seldom sick for long ;)

I'd be a bit concerned to know why they were doing it. If it's a one off to try it on, ok, but if it is repeated, then it's likely to be indicative of some other problem they're having difficulty expressing.

I'm with LTD. My DD tried the other day to tell me she was sick and I went "ok then back to bed." She protested and I said ok then she could go to school. Sick kids = bed all day.

She then told me she just wanted the day off. She said another girl from her class stayed home and spent the day in her Pjs watching TV with her little sister. I said that was nice for her but its not how we do things in our family.

I'm also with OTF - do you think something else is going on??

i think a sit down with the kids to tell them that pretending to be sick is a bit of a slippery slope...'boy who cried wolf' might be a good bedtime story lol

no, but in all seriousness, sometimes (and this is from my memories of doing this as a kid) you just need a break. they are probably tired considering how close to end of term it is, or maybe they do need a bit more time with you and a feeling of some security (i remember that my girls have all found it hard a few months down the track after a baby is born and needed a bit more reassurance that all is good in their world ITMS).

I reckon you could use this as a great opportunity to have a chat and a cuddle about how awesome they are and how much you dig them, but that it is really really important to be upfront about your feelings (and that includes if you feel actually sick or not). we have had this convo before in short bursts here and there and it does seem to give a bit of confidence to my girls to express what they are feeling. I also found that sometimes the 'sickness' was the feeling of butterflies and nervousness...but that DD1 didnt have a way to conceptualise that and called it 'sick' feeling in her belly.

many :hug: not an easy one to deal with when you realise you have been played and so hard to make that judgement call to believe it or not! but like the others have mentioned, when it does happen straight to bed with pjs on! when they are truly unwell, it is all that they will want to do :)

Thanks ladies.

I have also questioned whether there's more to DD2 story and for staying home. 2 weeks ago she told me she was being teased as she couldn't count, I questioned what she meant by she was unable to count (in my view there were no issues). I was told that she can't count to 20 and everyone else could. I took the issue to her teacher. She was not aware of any teasing, but did tell me (and I'm peeved that nothing was said considering we are nearing the end of term 2), that she was struggling with counting and maths from start to finish.

Last night at parent teacher interviews, it was revealed just how much she is behind and struggling. I can't help but feel so guilty and sad for my baby girl. I had no idea it was this bad, she always appeared in control and knew what she was doing. Nothing has been mentioned until now.

I cried myself to sleep last night because I feel I've failed her, that I should have seen the problems earlier or been doing extra stuff regardless :(

Oh Rosetti :( Big hugs :hug:

You haven't failed her. We aren't expected to know everything that's happening at school, especially without any communication from the school. Failing her would be doing nothing about it now that you're aware.

What did the teacher suggest as a way forward? Or did she just say "this is the problem" and nothing else?

What do you feel might help? Does she need some extra time with mummy? Or a tutor? Or the teacher?

Go easy on yourself. Lots has changed, it's going to affect you all in different ways.

The teacher was supportive, gave me some sequence cards to help with number patterns, sending her maths book home for the weekend so we can see what she does and then do it at home too. She tried explaining how they do maths counting (using tens and ones) and I was lost, so I have to get my head around things first too before helping DD.

Her writing and reading is behind to, again I thought her reading was great, she reads so well and attempts every word in her books, yet she's not even on the reading level that's expected by now.

There's targets pinned around the classroom of what they should be doing now and by the end of year 1. She's falling behind in most. Just sucks. Last year she aced Prep and was going great guns, and this year she's gone backwards.

I have purchased counting boards they use in class, I'm now waiting to be paid on Saturday and I'll buy a counting frame too. I'll do anything to help her and not let her feel she's not good enough.

My heart is aching, crying as I type.

I don't feel the school is supportive, 2 terms have passed and not said boo about the issues. The teacher (now anyhow) seems supportive but sorta like 'you fix the problem at home as I don't have the time in class'. There's a teachers aide that comes for another student, but apparently helps DD2 more then the other student.

Yeah that's a bit crap that they haven't been in touch before now.

How much time does the aide spend in the classroom? Is it worth talking with the teacher about getting more time?

Our council offers free tutoring for primary students at the local library, you could see if yours does the same?

It's good that you're being proactive about helping her move forwards. I'm sure it'll make a huge difference. I know with DD when I intentionally spent time with her on her words I saw massive improvements.

You can do it. School holidays soon - good chance for some intensive work with mum. Maybe?

Don't be so hard on yourself Rosetti!

We had the same issue with our DD (6). We changed her school last year when we were told by the teacher (at the end of the year!!) that she was quite far behind and was struggling with her maths and reading... It was a shock to us - we thought she was doing so well and we were so proud of her. We do not have any friends with children her age so we had nothing to compare her progress with, and with no prior communication from her teacher we had no idea - even her half year report didn't reflect any problems.

How can you know there is a problem if no one tells you?

Our DD is still 'behind' but she has shown really good progress with a little bit of extra homework and some hard work and having a teacher who is supportive has made the world of difference. We also know that she excels in other areas of the classroom where other children are 'behind'.

Please don't feel like you have failed her.

With regard to the counting and maths work, we bought our DD a '100 chart' which counts from 1-100 and we count with it and do our maths work with it and it helps give her a visual, we make up songs and rhymes to help her remember and it has helped her so so much. I would definitely recommend getting one!

Lots of work will be done in the holidays, just hope I can make it fun and not a bore, holidays are meant to be a break for school work. I told her this morning we need to do lots of math work and she agreed.

Emmalee - thanks, we have 2 off those 100 charts, plus I have the charts they use in class that go up to 130 and counters that go with it. I've considered changing schools, but my XH won't allow it as our other 2 kids are going well. Win lose situation.

Just trying to get my head around the difference 7 months has made, from prep to now. Totally different child. I don't know if the work is hard, the way the teacher delivers or if DD2 has issues going on I don't know about. She's not a very forth coming child with info.

Start of the year she told her class a very sad story about myself and I'm still upset about that. I'm just not sure anymore :(

I am sorry that you have had to deal with this situation, but I have found that this is fairly common in primary schools these days! Sad but true! The teachers IMO should have contacted you a long time ago for a meeting with you and brought this situation up, it would have made it so much easier for you now! I find it extremely frustrating that as parents they are now expecting us to pick up a lot of slack in the education system. So basically we are becoming teachers for our own children. I, myself, have been doing this for my DD since prep, and although I don't teach the way they do, my DD still learns what she needs to. I try to make things fun for her and not so much a lesson, I get her to write shopping lists, recipes, anything really, so she learns that way. Maths, when we go shopping, she gets to look for the cheapest of a certain item, so she is learning that way as well. I also get her to double quantities for recipes, which gives her fractions. It's more interesting than just straight maths! There are also some free computer programs for Maths on the computer, cant remember what they are called, but they might be useful too!
Good Luck!