The battle for VBAC.

I've got two little ones pulling me every which way today so forgive me for just launching straight into this one.

We're NTNP. Not officially TTC, but well aware that we will probably be pg sooner rather than later. We want another baby. I want another baby. But here's the thing. The label of VBAC is like a massive storm cloud over my head.

With one (fabulous) attempt under my belt, I feel a little defeated already. I'm not even pg yet. It's like walking onto a battlefield, with damaged armour. I don't know how to shake the negative voice in my head, reminding me that no matter how hard I work towards a natural birth- I am not in control. It's a terrible feeling.

I know I can and will overcome another cs if that is what the universe has in store for me. But just thinking about it makes me feel sick. (or is that ms?)

For those of you who have had a VBAC turn into an emergency cs......... how did you approach the next pregnancy? How did you silence that little voice of doom in your head?

I don't even know if this makes sense. At the end of the day, all I can do is give it my all and hope that this time, something goes right for me. But with my history, it's hard to imagine anything turning out the way I'd like it to. It never does.

When and if we get pg again, this will be my last pregnancy. I want to enjoy it, not spend the entire time either licking my wounds or trying to amass an army of supporters to protect me while I'm vulnerable. It seems nothing is simple for me when it comes to birth, and I ache for a simpler time when I was part of the ignorant masses...... part of the matrix... lol.

I don't like the truth. Because it's hard.

Thanks for reading.

Where are you planning on birthing? Regardless of where, I would be hiring an Independent Midwife. I would also be ringing around to talk and debrief with an IM now, its never too early to be in a good mindset about it all. There are some great VBAC and homebirth groups on facebook too (I'm not pushing a homebirth, there is just lots of good information there). But my main goal would be getting the right care provider that would be happy to support me and my decisions. HTH

First time I birthed at GC Hospital. That was a disaster, so second time I went to Tweed Heads. Less disastrous, but a very strenuous fight to birth the way I wanted to (in the lead up). On the day itself, I had supportive and lovely midwives though. BUT- I was told that NOBODY has a VBA2C at Tweed. So obviously they won't be supportive of me. And I'm terrified of GCH. (even though it's a new building, the staff are the same.)

Money is an issue, so I won't be able to hire an IM, though I would love to. I don't really feel like I need to debrief this time. I know what happened, and why- and it was all very necessary and life saving. So no issues with that. The reason I'm feeling a bit down about it I suppose is because I hate the lack of options. I should be able to birth where I want, in the way that I want without fighting.

I would LOVE a homebirth but again, the IM thing. I agree that I need a provider who is going to be supportive- then I can eliminate much of the battle. The only problem is that I really feel an IM would be the ONLY one able to support me, and it's just out of reach.

So I have three options. 1. resign myself to the fact that I will be fighting, and that I will not have the supportive carers I want and need. 2. somehow miraculously find the money for an IM and homebirth. 3. don't have any more babies.

*facepalm* :)

I completely agree, it should not ever have to be a fight in the first place. I would still be checking prices of an IM, if they are with you just for the birth at the hospital it may not be as expensive as you think and most are happy for you to pay it off over 9 months or even after with the baby bonus (or whatever its called now). Or a student midwife? Or what about a Doula?

No time to reply just yet but just wanted to say I will be praying you get the birth you want when the time comes. I am fortunate to have not experienced extreme birth trauma so can't relate very well although as a midwife do understand the fight you will have :( Where I work we have one Ob who is supportive of a VBA2C but that wont help much unless you want to come camp at my place and see him when the time comes.

Thanks girls.

I suppose a payment plan of sorts could work. It's hard not to feel defeated before I've even begun. Probably just having a bad day. Stuff like this just makes me so angry...... the obstetric culture we're all brainwashed by.... it's crazy. I want to start an uprising. A revolution! I want to scream as loud and long as I can at every woman alive about how we're being wronged by the system. But then I'd be labelled as a crunchy homebirth lunatic, and accused of wanting a natural birth more than I want a healthy baby.

Why is it a crime to want BOTH? Why is it so wrong that I would refuse to have people manhandle me, stick needles in me, and violate me?

I think repeatedly banging my face into my keyboard would be more productive than trying to understand the system. It's broken, and I want no part of it.

I definitely wan't in your exact position, but you asked for failed VBAC stories, so you might find something useful.

I went for a VBAC with DS. Had total support, really ready. The universe had other plans and my uterus split. I had to have a section. They told me not to have any more babies. Or fully medically managed if I did.

I was angry for a really long time. Angry I couldn't make my own choices about my body, my abilities. I had to avoid here for quite a few months until I wasn't so much.

I found a GP and Ob (public even) willing to support me. However, I couldn't even pretend there was any chance of a VBA2C.
What I wanted most in the world was to deliver my baby. Just one.
I needed to grieve for that. And I did. For most of DD2's pregnancy. I allowed my self to do that too. Even though i was filled with guilt over it being my last pregnancy and wanting to enjoy it, I needed to allow my own psyche to deal with me first.

The system is broken, you're right. Part of my own grieving was dealing with that. If DD1's birth hadn't gone the way it didn't need to, then what followed need never have happened.

Oh Kim. I'm sorry you ruptured. I was also told I wasn't 'allowed' to attempt again as my uterus took some damage and isn't as strong as it should be. I'm skeptical about this though....... it seems pretty ambiguous and wishy washy. nobody could give me a specific medical reason- except that my body is apparently flawed in some unidentifiable way. *scoff*

Oh and I hate the term failed vbac. you didn't fail, and neither did I. We attempted. With courage! Sounds like success to me........... hence my term- attempted vbac.

xox

Very true chick. It was with courage. I hope upon hope you find a path you are at peace with. :hug:

Forshelby~ I've followed you and your story since reading one of your posts back when you first joined. I know we haven't connected as such on here, but I was cheering you on from the sidelines throughout your last pregnancy and birth, I've also cried reading your posts, feeling your pain and feeling my own.

My cs with DS1 is termed as ECS, although there was no real emergency, the aftermath of that experience, I truly believe led to my not conceiving for another 5 years.
My cs with DS2 is also termed as an ECS, again, no real emergency, I have also been advised not to even attempt another labour, to book in for a RCS ASAP. No thanks...

The only problem with my labours is interference from "care providers" and lack of confidence in myself. Both times I was only allowed to labour (both times induced) for 10 hours, before being wheeled off for surgery.

We are considering TTC #3, but I just cant deal right now, with the thought of having to go through the crap I went through with the hospital with DS2's pregnancy and birth.

like yourself I am financially restricted with my options, which is freaking ridiculous when you think about it, why does it have to be like this??? why does it have to be a fight??

urghh...anyway, I hear you, I feel you, I wish there was a better system, a better way... xxx

Forshelby, contact my midwives south Brisbane, they have visiting rights at GC and they use the birth centre there. You get nearly all your money back on Medicare. I think you are out of pocket $275 for the birth where I am out $2400 for a Homebirth. Certainly worth the call and I believe they do payment plans.

My first labour I was induced at 10 days over, there was mec in the waters so I was sort of put on the clock from the get go. I fully dilated and started pushing but baby never fully engaged. I had an epi, I was on my back.

My second labour was less than 12 months later. The OBs at the high risk clinic were not thrilled with the idea of a VBAC so soon, their compromise was booking a RCS for 40 weeks, if I went into labour prior we'd try for a VBAC. I went into labour 9 days early. I contracted at home all night and most of the morning before heading to the hospital. I got there and was only 2cm dilated. I was laying on my back with the monitors on, I felt defeated and asked for a c-section. Theatre was busy so I was left to it until that evening. During the few hours of waiting I fully dilated and my waters broke. Again I pushed, but baby never fully engaged. Heart rate was dropping so another c-section it was.

I went into my third pregnancy with the mindset "once a c-section, always a c-section... twice a c-section, absolutely, most definitely, without a doubt always a c-section". I did a little research on VBA2Cs, I was surprised to read successful VBAC stories for women who had 3, 4, even 5 c-sections. I started to maybe change my mind a little. A friend of mine who is a doula gave me tonnes of advice and support. I hired her and joined the local midwifery group practice for a VBA2C. I was scared, I was nervous, I doubted myself, my ability and my decision pretty much right up until the end. Even while in labour I whispered to my hubby "why don't I just have a c-section??". My doula was amazing! I can not recommend them highly enough. I think if it weren't for her I would have booked a RCS without even considering a VBA2C. The support during my pregnancy went above and beyond what I expected (I thought they just helped with the labour!). Also, a few VBAC support groups of facebook were a wealth of knowledge and positive support.

Sorry, double post.

My failed vbac was medically necessary for my second child - but I went on to have a vba2c (2 of them). I went through a birth centre though and they were very supportive, it was expensive (about 2 grand) however if you start saving now, by the time the baby is due you would have a huge chunk of that.

Although I had the support, I was also incredibly determined that I would get my vba2c and I think that helped me the most.