Age for ADD assessment?

I think this is crazy & dd is way too young, but I am starting to wonder if my mum is right.

Dd3 has just turned 4. She's very active, as normal kids this age are, but she's on the extreme end. I've expected an add/adhd diagnosis since she was 4 months old tbh. But more as a joke. She refused to sit still even then.

I just live day to day with her. Always aware of where she is & what she's up too. Lol, never relaxing. She makes a decent mess every other day. I'm not talking toys/clothes/general kids mess. She'll cart off flour/sugar/water/whatever else needs to go into her cake, to her room & make that kind of mess. It only takes me hanging out washing to do this. In 15 minutes it is everywhere. Doesn't matter how high things are put, she'll find something. Soap/dd1's nail polish. There's always something. She blocked my bath drain with sand a few months ago.

As I said, I just live with it. She is very smart, she knows right from wrong. She intentionally does things when I've said no, right in front of me more than a few times every day. Just to test her limits. Constantly... Mental exhaustion doesn't have time to exist in this house lol.

I planned to wait & see how she went at school. Because thats the only reason dd2 was diagnosed & medicated. Because she wasn't learning at school.
Ds is now also being assessed. But he's different to dd2. I think he could be add rather than adhd. I don't know, I didn't suspect it.

The reason mum thinks I should have her seen now is her climbing. She climbs up onto the benches, to the top of the pantry & on top of the car. She will not listen to reasons not too. She's stubborn & will not stop doing something unless she's experienced the consequences. No time out etc ever seems to help.

Mum is worried about her safety. And I guess she's right. It is something to worry about. To me though, its just dd & unless she doesn't cope with school, there's no need to medicate, so no need for a diagnosis yet. I'm just going to be told I'm crazy til she's 6 anyway, I expect.

But at the same time, I don't want her to struggle with school the way dd2 has...

Should I look more into it? Or is it really pointless at this age.

Early diagnosis of any issue is always better as early intervention can help kids develop skills in their areas of weakness more easily. It might be ADHD or might be something else. I don't think 4 is to young, if you have someone assess that specialises in younger children.

You really have a lot going on though, so I'd do what you can in your own time Xox you're kids are lucky to have a mum who thinks so carefully about her kids Xox

My son was 6 when he was diagnosed. I did try earlier with a different paed at the local hospital, didn't diagnose, but was told he had a higher than normal IQ.

Dd2 was 6 as well. But she was at the end of year 2 before we medicated, because I wanted to avoid it & life was too up in the air at the time. New school etc. By then she was way behind.
But she & dd3 are very different. So maybe dd3 will cope better.

My foster boy was 4 when he was diagnosed and sounded very familiar to your DD we tried every alternative to medication first in the end safety one and we agreed to trial meds, he was a different, rational, and safe child he was still very active and he still had periods of craziness but overall he was able to focus and follow instructions about 2 months in he told me he liked the new him better as he could now make friends and listen. Good luck with whatever decision you choose.

Thank you. She ended up with a couple good bruises today. Came down off the bench & opened the grill on her way down, grazing her hip on the corner, then smashed her head swinging between the bunks. Wasted 2 eggs this morning too. Typical day..

Ok. I'm so desperate for a break it isn't funny. She picks the puppy up. Again. Hurts it (accidentally), I snap, because I've told her a thousand times to let it sleep (puppy sitting for my parents).

She runs off upset that I snapped. I give it 5 & go to say sorry. She's in her room rubbing lipstick all over her windows.

I sit. I ask her why. She runs off, stops with her back to the wall in the hall. I tell her not to touch the wall. Pink lip stick covering her hands. So she purposely puts her hands all over the wall.

I say ok, you're cleaning that up. 'Nup, nup, nup'. And I lose it.

This is a day to day basis. Sand in places it shouldn't be, again. Holding the hose in the laundry. Again. Its all things she's done before. It's all things she KNOWS not to do. Again.

Frustrated. Needed a vent. So over it.

I think you should contact some agency and start the process of getting her assessed. For you as much as for her. It can't be easy dealing with that all the time :( Her behaviour certainly sounds above the realm of ordinary little kid mischief. Even if it isn't adhd, any help is a good idea. Is she in any form of child care? Is there any in town? Is that something that would be possible? Because I am sure you could use a break, even if it is only a few hours here and there.

I feel like a neurotic crazy mother lol. Ds just had his assessment. His teacher was surprised. Though for him it is as much for ruling out add as anything.

I've mentioned it to the health nurse... all it is to her is my need to do the triple p parenting course. I've read all the sheets she's given me on it. And I've tried. I'm sure their ways would work great on an average child. But not so much on one that seems so set on breaking you :(

There is only 1 day a week day care here. But she hasn't been going, because they wouldn't offer government subsidies. She'll be in 4yo kindy next year, so not sure I should bother at this point.

Life is a bit of a crazy roller coaster here atm lol. *sigh* :( no one seems to want to understand.

Can you mention it to whoever you are seeing about your DS?

Don't worry about sounding like a neurotic mother - to me you always come across as a mum who wants the best for her kids.

Thanks :)
I might mention it to someone somewhere. Maybe the gp next visit. If not, the paed in January. She is behavioural, so hopefully will at least encourage me to push it, or leave it.

Today she gave me an ultimatum. Give her cookies or she'll throw a glass bottle across the room.

Silly me, called her bluff. And failed. She didn't get cookies, but I don't feel as though I won :(

Oh how frustrating :hug:

But you did teach her that no matter what her threat, you will stick to your guns. Her behaviour is totally unacceptable. Definitely sounds like you need some help to manage her, even if an assessment finds nothing diagnosable, a psychologist will be able to help with behaviour management strategies. But it's hard work. Look after yourself and give yourself a break clover Xox you're doing the best you can

I would def get a referral from your GP asap. If the older 1s have it then they should be sympathetic to your needs.
I know with my ADHD kid I never feel like I win. Our house has lots of damage from him and I try not to enrage him :hide:
PM me if you ever want to vent- I know your pain

I do find I tend to keep the peace on occasion by giving into her, but I try not too. She doesn't usually go that far, but she does seem to be getting better at being a challenge & trying to get her own way. Trying different things all the time to see if she can manipulate you.

I struggle with that manipulation side of things too. Then the lack of their ability to regulate emotions. Its kinda like reasoning with a toddler :wall:

Yes. DD2's biggest problems are lack of impulse control & self emotional regulation. The meds help her to focus & learn at school & she's come so far these past 2 years. But emotionally every day is a struggle.

I've actually asked the paed if we can medicate through the holidays because the come down is disastrous. Then she starts taking them again & it starts all over. The first 4 weeks of any start/stop of medication her emotions are all over the place & extreme. We all struggle with it.

DS is seeing a counsellor for his self regulation & anxiety as well. School psyc picked up no attention deficit, so not sure what will come out of our paed app in Jan. School seems to be the only area of his life he's not having trouble :/

DD3. I don't even know what to say. I've been through all I have with DD2 & none of it comes close to DD3. She's a whole new case all on her own. I'm still learning how to deal with DD2 & DS... DD3 needs so much more patience & energy to survive each day than they ever did. Put together.

And I can't vent about it. Because firstly, people love to judge kids who behave this way & their 'useless' parents, and because the first reaction always seems to be 'did you flog her?'

I've tried every punishment in all the books. Absolutely loosing my **** is the only thing that seems to work, but I don't want to be that parent. I often get to yelling & screaming before I'll smack, but occasionally I will. Because I'm out of ideas. Time out etc. Nothing works. The same as DD2. She doesn't jave the capacity to control her actions. She will learn & mature over time, but somehow we have to learn to live with it in the mean time. And I for one am mentally exhausted. And completely alone.

My DS 8 is SPD, ODD, ADHD and I also have asked to medicate through the holidays. We wont survive without it. Weekends are bad enough! but 6 weeks of it? Oh hell NO!:doh:
Your right, people are very judgmental - its your parenting and your not doing this... or that... and feck off please! In NZ the MOE does a course called Incredible Years, and its for the under 8-10 bracket age, but somethings extended to older. and that was a precursor to meds.
I'm tired of people judging because I medicate my child. Its not like we walked into the Dr and said- I want drugs for kid! I was a long process- for us.
I'm lucky, through the mental health services here there are information programs that are ok, but meeting people in the same boat has been great! Through the IY course I met some ladies with "quirky" kids too and we chat and debrief together.
But at the end of the day, its just me, and the kids and its hard. Its so hard :hug: