21, pregnant, single and lost

Hi,

im writing this for some advice and support because I really am lost right now.
I am 21 years old and 8 weeks pregnant. My fiancé of 1 year left me around 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant due to non-baby related issues (he was very controlling and drank a lot and when I asked him to just cut it back a little he lost it at me). when I first told him about the baby he was totally on board and wanting to work everything out but in the last 2 weeks hes just cut me out all together and says he doesn't care what happens to this baby because according to him I used him to get pregnant. so basically I can rule out getting back together with him because I cant even get him to answer his phone.

Obviously my first thought should be to just have an abortion to fully cut all connections with him, but sadly its not that easy for me.... in 2014 I had 3 miscarriages and was told I may never have children....so my ex and I just stopped trying after the 3rd one as I was really down and depressed about the news...but it only takes one time!

Now im feeling a whole mix of emotions :/. im missing having him around because despite everything I really did love him but I cant force him to love me back, im feeling alone and scared as I currently do not have my family on board with the situation, I feel excited because I saw bub for the first time today and everything was perfect!

Im falling in love with this baby but being 21 and just out of a long term relationship... I cant just do the usual thing and try to move on because im pregnant.

I just wanted to know if anyone has been through this at a similar age?

Welcome to BB. I'm really sorry your going through this. I have not been in your exact situation but did find myself single, with a 1year old when I was 18. My ex was a bit of a doff bag. Things were not always easy but fast forward 13years and now I'm a married mum of 4. My relationship with my first child's Dad was very toxic.

Welcome to BB.

I have been where you are and its scary.

My suggestion probably not conventional at all - but would be for now let him go, you concentrate on you and your baby don't message/call him just let things settle. I find the more we try push things the harder it gets. So go with the flow right now...

Fill. Your life with so,e supportive friends and family and just do your thing. You will get through this even tho it seems impossible right now

Hi ladies thanks for the lovely words xx

I think your right...this morning he told me he wants nothing to do with the baby and that if I ever want him back I'll have an abortion. He's turned really toxic and horrible and i can't cope so I deleted him off facebook and deleted his number.

I am going to try and just not think about him anymore and do what's best for me and the baby. It's hard not to feel lost though when I know he's out there hooking up with loads of girls and not caring about me or the baby. I never thought someone who wanted to marry me a year ago would act so disgusting. He's a very toxic person.

I just hope I can get over him and be happy and focus on the baby. I hope there is someone out there for me xx

Hi Missy. I know it is really hard when you break up with someone and couldn't imagine what you are going through being pregnant. In the end, you and you alone can only know what it right for you. Having fallen pregnant when told I more than likely wouldn't be able to, I have a beautiful little girl who turns one on Saturday. I'm also nine weeks away from our second baby. It has been the most amazing, reqarding but hardest year of our lives. We wouldn't swap it for the world but there have been some really tough times. My husband has been wonderful and supportive. If the father is toxic now, I would suggest that it won't be any easier after the birth. I found the local child health clinic really, really helpful. Maybe you could try and make an appointment to talk to them. It might help having someone professional and completely independent to talk to. They are also free and might be able to shed some light on any local support groups.

I really hope everything works out for the best.

You're a brave girl. I don't know what you should do... but staying away from your ex sounds like a good start.

I haven't been in your situation. But just wanted to say best of luck with the baby, i would focus your energy on yourself & bubs now. Maybe have a look if your local community centre offer any classes for new mums & you will meet others in your area.