Teenagers & commitments

Dd 13 just sent me yet another text about not wanting to go to netball training. I'm at a loss here.

She started netball 3 years ago, discovered a talent she never knew about it & loves the sport. Cant get enough. Refused to miss a training or game, even when sick unless I made her stay home.

She went off to high school, wanted to to basketball, hockey, social soccer & join TDS (talented squad) as well as town netball. This is my kid. Sports is a big pary of who she is.

I held her back a bit. High school (first year, year 8), boarding, homework etc, I allowed the social soccer & the town & tds netball, since that's her main interest.

She was so keen. Put her name down for tds try outs, then didn't show. I made her go the second day & she got in. Apparently in their top 3 for her age group. She was stoked.

Then trainings came around. She went to the first, but told me she'd thrown up & was feeling sick for the next one. I'd spoken to a supervisor that day & my mum met her for lunch. Neither of them knew she wasn't feeling well. She went to school & was in the common room when I called her. So I called BS.

Yesterday she was again trying to skip training for a nutrimetics party. I told her that sorry, order out of the catalogue if you really want something, you can't miss another training. 2 out of 5 isn't good enough.

Just got home to another text. She hurt her quad in a beep test today & was tired. Can I text 'coach' & tell her she won't be there. I called her. She's feeling sick, threw up again last night so she says & all the buses have done their runs for the day.

So I told her to figure it out (sporting commitments are different to town runs) or I'd call them & ask them to take her. She still needs to be there at least to know what's going on. They need to know if she can play Saturday if she actually did hurt herself.

I've discussed life & commitments, and having a job (which she's talked about getting) & how when you commit you have to stick to it, or you lose it. This is how it'll be for the rest of her life. Fun things are gonna happen when you have to work. You can't just skip it.

I don't know what to do. She wanted this so bad, but I think the social life/boyfriend etc are making her forget about what SHE wants in life. The only reason I'm pushing this is because SHE wanted it. And the fact that if I'm paying $350 just in bloody fees, the least she can do is show up & have a go!

How do I navigate this? Do I need to pull her out & home school her? That's the last thing she wants, but if she doesn't pull her head in soon, I am willing to do it. She's already tried skipping classes. What's next?

All I can say is I am going through the exact same thing with my 14year old. She is also very sporty. Representing her school in multiple sports. She got a boyfriend who dumped her yesterday. The last month she has spent most of her life in bed. Watching her phone (we have no wifi as if we did we would never get her to do anything). All her interests have gone out the window. Her school assessments are poor compared to last year. Then when she finally does something because she is made to she is so exhausted she has to go to bed to sleep. I think she has to much emotional stuff going on. If its something social she is there with bells on but as for any preparation to the lead up then forget about it.

I called the supervisors again. AFTER they took her to training. She didn't even put her name on the list for the bus. She had no intentions of going & was going to the party anyway (I'd given permission til I realised it coincided with training, she was supposed to change it. And didn't.)

She's not sick, she's certainly not injured. Her & the boyfriend seem to be over, I don't know. But they're not seeing signs of them being together any more. I just want to know I'm doing the right thing. She can go a long way. She's always wanted to go a long way. She has more ambition than I ever had. I don't want her to lose it.

I'm still hoping she settles down soon, but I don't know. I haven't done teenagers & boarding school before. It's the norm here, but I've never experienced it myself.

The supervisor is going to have a chat with her. I don't know if it'll achieve anything, but I feel like I need to do something.

The joys of teenagers!! In reality, teenage girls IMO morph into another species once they start high school! They go from being these sweet kids who talk to you about everything, to hormonal, non-talking, zombies! Both of my older girls went through it, it drove me insane, they couldn't stick to anything sporty, would change their minds all the time, make excuses, and wanted to sleep or do nothing, unless it was to socialise with their mates! I tried everything, and finally I snapped!

We sat down as a family and basically I laid down the law! We were not made of money, their sports were costing us money, if they weren't going to commit, then I would just pull them out, didn't bother me, I could use the money in other ways! BUT if they weren't going to do sport then they would fill in that time with extra study or household chores! They were not going to just sit around doing nothing! I was also not their slave, they needed to pull their weight with help around the house, even bringing their washing out to the laundry was a hassle in those days!

It took a couple of rough years to finally get things into a proper perspective for them and me, but we managed to get through it and they both passed Year 12, both went on to further study and both are still fairly active now! We still have issues, but we are dealing with them, just keep the communication open and make sure that she knows that she can not pull this I am sick crap all the time!

She left school early today. Sick. I don't know if she's just trying to be more believable. ..

Is she being bullied?

I don't know. I've wondered that myself. She's not saying anything if she is & that's not like her.

She's still extremely self confident, her interim reports for both the hostel & school were great. I spoke to the school last term about her skipping classes & that hasn't been an issue again. I'm pretty sure she has learnt from her mistake there.

I also spoke with a supervisor yesterday, who was her soccer coach earlier in the year. She noticed that she was doing the same & not very committed with that either. That didn't worry me, she's not too fussed on soccer anyway.

But if something like that is going on it would have to be someone involved with TDS & soccer, but not the school or hostel. She enjoys them both.

I'll be down there for next weeks game. Then I'll be able to see things for myself. She promised me tonight that she'll be at every training from now on.

I don't know how else to find out. The hostel is aware that I'm worried about her. I could contact the school again, but with 900 kids I'm not sure they'll really do much.. I will have a talk to her next week if it doesn't come up on the phone before hand.

I've also made both netball coaches aware that we're having some issues, so maybe they'll be more likely to see anything she's not mentioning.

Fingers crossed.