Health Vs Weight

Hi everyone,

I am becoming increasing uncomfortable about how my DH's family talks about dieting and weight loss. I'm looking for feedback if you think I'm over-reacting or if you think I should say something about it.

Basically, they are all close to normal weight people but could also probably lose 6-10kg. My MIL decided (based on how she looks) that she would like to lose weight and gathered together people in the family to go on a dieting competition. So every week when we get together there is a lot of talk about how much people weigh, how much they've lost, how they can't eat certain things because of the diet (no particular diet, they will knock back a jacket potato and have 3 glasses of wine!), who is winning the competition, how getting gastro was good for their weight loss. They talk about how each other looks and if their tummy is sticking out less. By way of example, my MIL once told me I could be beautiful if I just lost some weight....

I don't want my kids to be hearing this kind of attitude to weight loss. My philosophy is that we eat healthy food, we are physically active and that it is about health, NOT weight. It is not about how you look but how well your body works. I don't want them to become judgmental about how people look but recognize that true beauty is from the inside.

The tricky thing is that I definitely have a huge weight problem. I am by far the biggest, wearing plus sized clothes etc. I do try to eat healthily but I have a difficult relationship with food. I also am physically active (lifting heavy weights at the gym, regularly excerising). I could be more fit and I'm working on that too.

I am not part of the diet competition.

I don't know if I am over-reacting. I also don't know how I can say something without seeming like a sore loser. I also do not want to enter into a discussion about my weight!

I did try to explain the different between weight and health, but they totally did not understand.
I need an outsiders view point. Is their talk reasonable? Or would you ask them not talk about it in front of the kids?

That seems really hard to be around.
I am of bigger size to and my inlaw family ALLWAYS talk about how much they weigh when they are all together ( I am the biggest) and I have always found that really hard and I don't understand why they do it.
As for your situation I don't think I can offer any help, I would find that very difficult to be around because of how uncomfortable I feel in my own body.
Maybe this is just something they will move on from soon?
I guess now I am writing this I am probably not the best person to be answering lol because to be honest I would love to stand up and say ITS ABOUT LOVING YOURSELF NOT WHAT YOU WEIGH!! but that would be a hard thing to do for me :redface::redface:
I don't think you are over reacting.
Just wanted to reply and say I know how you feel :wall:

I agree that it should be about health, not weight. Funnily, I get told by my thin relatives that only 'fat people' say that... so I really don't know if I'm a good person to give advice.

I am overweight by bmi standards but I am healthy. I rarely eat bad foods like soft drinks and chocolate. I do overeat and have portion control issues but you know what, I don't care. I'm overeating stir fry and vegetable soups for dinners. If I was overeating fast food like McDonald's then there would be an issue. I am also fit enough to be healthy. I can hike 15ks no problems. I'm not a runner so I don't care that I can't run a marathon. I can get in a pool and swim laps and ride 50ks on a bike. I'm not fast but I can do it at a pace I can handle and enjoy.

Could I be thinner? Sure. Do I want to be thinner? Who doesn't. But I would also love to have smaller feet because size 12 is really hard to get!

Since having my little girl, my perspective has really changed. I don't want her to be defined by her body. I want her to be healthy and make healthy choices and be comfortable in her own skin. In today's society that is completely focused on weight, this will be very hard to achieve. I have come to the conclusion that if I have any chance at this, it will have to start with me and the people I associate with.

I now realise that my body shape will always be what it is. Certain clothes cuts will not look good on me irrespective of whether im obese or underweight. I no longer look at my wedding photos hnging up in my living room with regret. Regret that I didn't lose more weight before the wedding. I now look at them with happiness.

I have actively chosen to embrace my body, my food choices and lifestyle. We are healthy even if we are overweight. This is evidenced by our regular gp check ups. I have also distanced myself from the negative influences that are in our lives that don't refrain from talking constantly about weight or calling us overweight.

Most people, when I explain the reasons why, are more than happy to stop talking about weight loss etc around the kids. I'm hoping that it will eventually change the conversation when kids aren't around because I don't think it is healthy to be obsessed with weight.

Maybe you could use this as an example from a friend to get your conversation started. It got you to thinking etc...

Good luck and hope it works for you

I'm thin (bmi about 22 I think, but baby is only 11w old so it's forgivable) and agree it's about health, not weight or dress size. If anyone was giving my children the opposite impression, I'd ask them to stop. If they didn't, I'd not have my children around them as much and tell the children how unhealthy the obsession with the scales is. Numbers do not dictate who we are.

Fwiw, I like to know Stormageddon's weight just so I can tell everyone how much I lift these days. Liebling is fit, healthy and active, so we don't weigh him, but could make better food choices.

Both my family and inlaws sometimes get into these conversations. i have asked my family not to talk like that in front of my kids (their comments are putting themselves down due to weight), but have been less willing to address it with inlaws (more shaming behaviour and comments).

it frustrates me, and i want to protect my kids from it