mixed feeding refluxy tiny baby

Hey there,
Just looking for some reassurance/encouragement or something, I don't know. I am exhausted and emotional!
My gorgeous 3 month old baby boy has fallen a couple of percentile lines re weight. He was born 50th. Then he went to 25th. Now he is 5th. His head and height are higher up, like 25th or so. He always puts on weight, but the gains are getting lower per day. The height gain is kind of way more exponential.
Anyway. I am a worrier. In fact, I've been having PND/anxiety and I also have pain issues, so for me to breastfeed is kind of a big deal. I can pretty much only manage it lying down most days.
So my bubs is breastfed with one bottle of formula per day. And he regurgitates a lot. And he is tiny! But he does seem to keep the formula down a bit better. I don't know. I am so confused. We are trying all the usuals: holding him up post-feed, tried a bit of upright nursing (not happy with that) and also thickener in a gel before the breastfeeds plus losec drops. We are seeing a paediatrician who has now ordered a barium swallow because he had a tiny bit of green (dark brownish) in one of his spews once.
I thought I was being neurotic and inflexible. Another doctor recommended I see a paed for reassurance. Now it seems like things are even worse than I thought. The doctor literally said he should be chubbier and there "reason to worry". But he is still growing head and height wise. I thought that was normal??
I just wonder if I'm clinging to the breastfeeding and not seeing clearly what is best for my child. Now, listen. I know that people can be very pro-BF on this site. As am I. I just feel like my judgement is poor and I need some honest experiences.
Would it be possible things might improve once solids start?
Is it just better for this bub to have a bottle so that he can keep more calories down? I would be so sad to wean him to bottles, but I want to embrace that choice if it is better for his health.
I am just not that confident a mum or a breastfeeder because of my physical (and mental) limits which are very real.
So any kind words of wisdom appreciated.
WW
x

Hi WW

First, congratulations on the birth of your bub. So happy to hear he's here safe and well.

Just wanted to share my experience with my DS (now 4 years old), as it sounds very similar to what you're going through. He was teeny tiny (and still is a small guy, just genetics I think), had reflux and was on Losec, brought up a lot of milk after feeds, and I struggled to breastfeed him from day one. I was obsessed with it, so anxious and stressed because it meant so much to me to breastfeed him - I knew it was best for him, and to bond with him. I introduced formula then mix fed till he was five months old, when I weaned him from the breast completely (prematurely, I could have kept going I think).

In hindsight, I should have mix fed and not given myself so much grief over it, and let the breastfeeding take its course, until it wound down on its own. I was so upset and stressed about it, I didn't enjoy him or bond with him the way I could have if had I just let go of what breastfeeding "should" be like. And I've since read somewhere, and it really hit home, that breastfeeding isn't an all or nothing arrangement. If your baby has one or two formula feeds per day and the rest breast, he's still getting all the goodness of breast milk, he's still bonding with you, and he'll put on weight, relieving some of your pressure and anxiety.

You're doing an excellent job and I completely understand where you're coming from. But as good as breast milk is for baby, so is a happy and healthy mumma. x

Big hugs to you. I don't really have any advice, so hopefully the paed helps with this.

I am very pro bf but if I was told I need to supplement with formula, like in your case, I wouldn't hesitate if it was best for baby. I hope you are supported in your path.

As a relatively new mum, please don't think you are alone in being completely confused and not confident. I have really struggled with second guessing everything. Pre baby, I could walk into a Board room and back my multimillion dollar decision. Post baby, I couldn't even work out how to burb her or whether she was cold. It is horrible not knowing and luckily I haven't had any massive issues.

Piglet (my first now 16 month old girl) was 97th percentile in height but 50th in weight. She dropped down one line in weight early on but slowly made it back up after we started solids. Her other measurements stayed consistent so our gp wasn't too worried, just kept an eye on it. Tigger (my now 11 week old boy) is also in the same percentile brackets and he isn't putting on enough weight for his bracket. I'm hoping it is the same as Tigger but the gp is keeping an eye on us again just in case.

Sending big hugs to you and hope you feel like you have support. I can tell from your original post, you are a good mum and only want to do what is best for your baby. Good luck

Thanks so much Lee and Foss.

Lee, your situation sounds really similar. I totally agree that a bit of breast milk per day is great. That's what I was going for. I really liked the idea of mix feeding. But I am not sure how long this mix feeding can go on now. He just refused the breast, big time, and screamed. Which has never really happened yet. He is so settled normally. It was a shock. I gave him a bottle and he took a lot and then went to sleep. Bruised ego for me. My DH was out with the boys for a beer. His first night off in ages. He is really supportive. So my DD who is 4 was crying and I was and the baby. Nightmare. Oh well. Going to bed now.

Foss, thanks so much for your comments about second-guessing and not knowing. Exactly how I feel.

Thanks guys will keep you posted,
WW
x

I wouldn't feed losec and thickener at the same time.
You are likely to slow down hIs digestion and stop him from being as hungry as he should be.
Maybe just try the losec, and more feeds if he is hungry.
If he would rather drink formula and he gains weight on it, I would be happy with that.
Good luck :)

All 3 of mine have dropped weight percentiles. from 75th -10th or 100th- 25th and 90th -10th. I went through a whole lot of stress with #1, before accepting that she was still growing, just slowly and all other signs looked good.

One had 'colic' (probably silent reflux), #2 had chucky reflux, and 3# was a poor feeder but they all followed similar patterns in weight gain when i look back at the graphs.

Is it possible, your little one is just going to be a smaller person? What do you and your partner look like, your family shapes? Is he giving enough wet nappies? Has he been checked for tongue tie?

how are things, worrywart?