running out of motivation been trying over 5 years

I'm 28 I've been with my partner for 6 years, at the start of our relationship we couldn't keep our hands off each other and ended up accidently concieving resulting in a traumatic ectopic pregnancy that though correctly identified by my doctor the hospital I was sent to remove it before it became a problem kept sending me home as they believed I wasn't in enough pain for it to be ectopic, my doctor sent me back 3 times where eventually it ruptured in their triage even with low blood pressure from blood loss they still missed it and lost the ultrasounds I was admitted with, after dealing with that joke of a hospital over three weeks my doctor had enough of their incompetence and sent me further from home to another hospital that looked at my ultrasound and put me straight into surgery, they treated me for blood loss whilst repairing my tube and in recovery i was told the only reason I hadn't died at the hands of the other hospital was because I had been bleeding into a fat pocket which slowed the bleeding.

My sister was pregnant round about the same time with my nephew, my nephew is nearly 6 my baby would have been 6 months younger, as I watch my nephew grow in life I ache for my angel baby, my sister has since had two more little girls, breaking the news of the third that wasn't planned my sister apologised to me and was upset that pregnancy came easy to her, I consoled her that we both knew mum had a 50℅ chance of passing on her poly cystic ovaries, being two of us one of us was bound to inherit it it just happened to be me, I also reminded her my most active ovary is the one attached to the damaged tube which lowers my conception chance rate.

It took about a year for me to get back on the horse after the ectopic debacle, I don't think my partner has finished processing the grief as even though I've started clomid and we've done three cycles where I've ovulated I haven't conceived I believe it's because our sex life has drastically dropped off, he seems reluctant to have sex with me, he has said he doesn't want to put me in hospital again, I feel like shaking him saying that was a long time ago get over it, I know deep down he'll probably never get over losing our baby and nearly losing me but a relationship where only one party is interested in sex is not a strong foundation for a future full of children.

I've tried everything to reingnite his passion but it's not there, he seems depressed but won't do anything about it, it's also embarrassing that I find myself having to mother him and friends saying why would I want a child when I've got a full time man child.

I just want to give up just walk away but it breaks my heart that being childless seems to be what my partner wants at least that's the impression I get from his behaviour :(

Hugs to you. No advice, but didn't want to read and run xox.

Hi longtime waiting, welcome to BellyBelly.

I'm sorry your TTC journey has been a rough one. Who is prescribing your Clomid? A GP or a FS? After 6 years (if you want to and haven't already) you guys could look at having testing for fertility issues. It might just find something that you aren't aware of yet. A FS should be able to point you to counselling for fertility too - maybe if you are together as a couple your partner might be willing to have a bit of a chat with someone (or even just listen to their words). It certainly sounds as you say, like it is something you really need get to the bottom of. Adding a new little human to the mix is hard and if he isn't on the same page with you anymore it might make things even harder for you both.

I hope you can get some answers from somewhere and your TTC journey is almost at its happy ending :hug:

Thank you for your kind replies I've been having a tough time lately needed to vent the other day.

I live 4 hours from Melbourne where I've been undertaking ovulation induction through the Royal Women's hospital, they really hit me below the belt this cycle by refusing to deal with me because I didn't call on day one, I called on day 8 (yesterday) as I was busy with a new job over the days one through 5, how it went down is they scanned me and what not last cycle told me all was good I told them I was running low on clomid the doctor gave me another prescription even though I didn't call I filled it and took them as I always do because that's what they tell me to do every time i call, doing the right thing, what they didn't tell me is that they wanted a review even though they sat me down after my scan last time told me everything was a ok and gave me my prescription, I thought that was their review as they generally never get me to go into a room for a discussion after a scan, they never indicated last time i was there i needed a review, giving me the prescription indicated to me they wanted me to keep going on ovulation induction, apparently not, I got a heap of messages left on my answering service yesterday whilst I was at work demanding call back and notifying me of a review appointment today (without telling me what time) that I couldn't make due to the short notice I called them back this morning where then I got a legal speel that because I didn't call on day one for the doctor to approve the cycle (keeping in mind they gave me the prescription last time without saying anything) I took the medication without permission (signing and giving me the prescription seems plenty permission to me!) They can't scan me this month (wtf?! A week really makes THAT much difference considering it usually takes them 4-5 days to call me back usually? Kettle black much?) I'm not due to ovulate for two to three weeks, plenty of time to book me in for a scan but they won't and further upset me by telling me I can't do anything more with them until I have a review which they booked for June, they said we either wrap him up this month or my GP at home look after me- which he does anyway considering he did all sorts of fertility tests (which they were given) before referring me to the Royal Women's which indicated ovulation induction would not work for me they put me on it anyway ignoring his recommendation of IVF treatment so I know my GP is going to be very impressed of both his time and my time being wasted