9 year old DD with sudden anxiety

Hi everyone!

It has been a very long time since I have frequented BB, but I am at a loss as to what to do with my DD and thought that this would be a good place to come for some advice.

I am at a loss as to do with DD, who turned 9 in April. She has recently (since the start of term 2 at school) been having some pretty serious anxiety over going to school. Before the holidays, all was well, she happily toddled off to school, without any issues.But this term, she has started crying in the mornings, before she even gets to school.

This morning, it started at 7.15 am. I took her to school, and I was supposed to volunteer in her classroom this morning, but they had their naplan testing, so I couldn't stay. The naplan was unexpected today also, as we've been away for a long weekend, and thought it wasn't until tomorrow. So she had the unexpected double whammy of me not being in her room, and naplan. She was still crying when I left her with the teacher and then today ended with me having to pick her up at midday, because she'd worked herself up so much she vomited twice in class.

We have had a crazy few weeks, with 2 long weekends away at nanna's house (all of us staying there, which is a 2 hour drive away) in the holidays, and then this last weekend, we drove up to central QLD, to visit DH family, because his dad is quite ill. So she had a few days off school due to that, too.

She had a party and play date during the school holidays, which she was unable to stay for and was supposed to start doing a new class of gymnastics last week, but had a meltdown when I tried to leave because she didn't know anyone.

She's telling me she's just worried about not being home and misses me (mostly) but also says she misses dad too. I am a full time SAHM, studying for now, but will be returning to work in the next 6 mths, which is partly why I want to try to nip this in the bud, if we can.

She has always been a needy child, more needy than my two boys, ever since she was born. She's always needed lots of hugs and love and reassurance and praise. I try to do my best with gentle parenting (and do a pretty good job, I am very patient). I try not to lose my patience with her and I have some minor anxiety myself, so I get how she is feeling.

But I am at a bit of a loss how to handle things. The most I have managed to get out of her and why things have changed for her is that she misses being home with us, that she sometimes gets a bit lonely because her friends are practicing dancing for the eisteddfod, and she was a little bit worried about the naplan tests (she has another tomorrow). I have tried giving her perspective, tried reasoning with her that she loves school/being with her friends/play dates/gymnastics...... we have talked and hugged and talked some more.

I don't know where to go from here.

So, she visited a sick grandad who might be very ill? Then twice missed school to visit other grandparents? No mention of illness. Now not wanting to go to school.

Suggestions from me
1 fear of illness, can really traumatise a 9yo in ways it doesn't littlies or adults.
2 fear of death
3 fear all grandparents will die hence visiting your folks too
4 bullying at school she hasn't mentioned
5 too much emphasis on tests at school
Also to points 1 to 3 , fear of making new friends in case they get ill or die.

Talk to her. Really deep late night sort of talk. Hope this gives some ideas for you. Sorry about brevity, have flu atm so not feeling too great myself.

Also with fear of grandparents dying, mortality awareness and scared you will die if she leaves you.