Teaspoon's Arrival (Oct 2015)

I've been sitting on this for so long. Most of this was written when DS was a week old and I ended up in the mother and baby unit the next day with anxiety and depression. I'm posting it here unedited. Thank you for reading.

6th October at 12 noon
3.47 kg or 7lb10.5oz
52cm long
36cm head

Conception: we started ttc in August 2013. By May 2014 we hadn't had any luck so visited our GP. She ordered a few tests which all came back clear. We were then referred to a gynaecologist who sent us for more tests. A hysterosalpingogram revealed a blocked left Fallopian tube. I had a laparoscopy in November 2014 where the tube was removed and endometriosis was cleaned up. I didn't know I had endo until that point. I thought my painful periods were just one of those things I had to put up with. At Follow up in December we decided to give clomid a go. I couldn't start until mid January as they closed for a few weeks over the holidays and wouldn't be able to monitor me. I got my period on 31 December 2014. I started bleeding again on CD13. This had never happened before. On the third day of bleeding I went to see my GP and he wasn't too concerned. I bled for another three days. During this time I started a new job and was finding it very stressful. I contemplated not starting the clomid as I wasn't sure how I would react to it and didn't want to deal with the extra stress. Before I knew it it was CD30 (or 43, depending on which date I used as CD1) and my cycles were usually about 24 days long. I tested with FMU using an Internet cheapie and got a faint line. Too faint to bother showing DH so I test again with the next wee using FRER and got a dark line right away! I burst out of the ensuite and nearly collided with DH in the hallway. I showed him the test. There was no doubt about it, I was pregnant!

Pregnancy: we booked in to see the GP that day as DH wanted it "confirmed" (as if an FRER and clear blue digital weren't enough!). Nine vials of blood and two urine samples were provided. The GP also referred me to a haematologist for advice about a clotting gene problem I have which caused me to get multiple clots on both lungs in late 2010. I started on daily injections of prophylactic clexane (40mg).
A dating scan confirmed that I was 6w4d with a due date of 19 October. Seeing the heartbeat on the screen was magical.
Around this time I began to suffer from morning sickness. I became very dehydrated and spent most of my days in bed with little energy. Not much food or water stayed down. I had to visit the hospital a few times to be rehydrated and be given antiemetics via the drip. I used up all my sick leave.
At 9 weeks I developed pain in my right calf. I knew straight away that it was a DVT so it was back to the hospital again. An ultrasound confirmed a DVT and I was started on therapeutic clexane (120mg). I was now very frightened for my little one as the higher dose came with a higher risk of bleeding and miscarriage. I was no longer able to birth at my local hospital and had to go to the high risk one, where I also work.
My anxiety had hit breaking point around 19 weeks. The morning sickness was mostly gone by this point. I scored quite high on the pnd scale and was referred to a psychiatrist who gave me some resources and places I could go to get counselling.
At the anatomy scan we found out we were having a boy. We told our immediate family only. It was fun having that secret and having people think we didn't know.
I was too scared to buy anything for baby. I wanted to wait until late in the pregnancy but the mid year sales got the better of me. Everything stayed in their boxes though, just in case.
I failed the gtt and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. This certainly didn't help my anxiety! It all became too much and I finished work at 30 weeks. I enjoyed having this time to rest and look after myself and DH did a great job at caring for me too. I managed to stay diet controlled and only had a few highs which were explainable.

I was booked to start induction 12th October. Waters broke midnight 6th. Went to hospital at 3am to be assessed. Was only 2cm. Given panadeine forte which was promptly thrown up. Midwives wanted to send us home. Wasn't comfortable with this so was sent to the ward at around six after a jab of antiemetic. Contractions coming every few mins but only lasting 10-30secs. DH doing massage and talking me through deep breathing. I begged to be checked again but midwife insisted I still had ages to go. Sat on toilet as felt like needed a poo/to push at the end of each exhale. Midwife told me not to push as this would cause my cervix to swell. I was quite overwhelmed and would have liked an epidural but couldn't as I'd had my blood thinning injection the evening before and there was a chance of bleeding. Midwife finally checked me and said I was 5-6cm and could move to birth suite. Coordinator came in to check as first midwife "wasn't sure". Next thing I'm being bundled into a wheelchair. Got to birth suite about ten I think and not really told anything. Asked what I should do. Midwife said to find a comfy position and start pushing. I said "but I'm only 5-6cm?!" Midwife double checked with the others and told me I was actually fully dilated. I assumed the position I'd always pictured myself birthing in and pushed with all my might. They had the 'haemorrhage kit' ready to go which was scary. I felt as though I couldn't feel the contractions as well as I was before and didn't really know when to push so I just pushed when I felt pain and hoped for the best. Midwife checked after an hour of pushing and said baby's head was "right there". Changed positions to laying on left side with friend and hubby holding my right leg up. Still no luck. Someone grabbed my hand and made me feel for baby's head, something I'd never wanted to do and said no to at the time and I found this a bit distressing. Obstetrician arrived and said baby was getting tired and her suggestion was episiotomy and forceps or vacuum delivery. I have a huge fear or the forceps so agreed to vacuum. Baby's head came half way out with the next contraction after I was cut and the vacuum applied. It felt so strange having half a head out. It felt like ages waiting for the next contraction. Baby's head was out, then the shoulders. Then by darling boy was on my chest. What a relief! I had done it! I was so filled with joy and so happy to have him on my chest. I love him so much. I love my husband so much. I only wish this birth story could convey it.