Help with 8 year old

Hi guys.
im having some trouble with my 8 year old DD. She's really developed attitude, which could've begun 4 years ago when I married (not her father), but it's getting really depressing. She never seems happy and she is also so bossy that her friends have stopped inviting her over to their place (one of the mums said this is purely due to bossiness). It really really upsets me.
I've been doing a course on parenting but think it's aimed more at 3-5 year olds. (even though it said up to 8 on course outline).
I just dont' know what to do. I thought maybe others would have some advice.
Another thing is i don't think she's independent enough. does anyone have ideas on how to create more independence, without too much effort (she'll just lose interest).
thank you xoxoxo

I haven't any experience with 8 year olds either, but talking to the school counsellor sounds like a good idea. I also like the idea of you going out with her too. However I think it important that maybe you swap with Tim, I think she needs to spend time with him too especially if her attitude is directed at or because of him iykwim? I think if you are the one constantly taking her out it will divide you all iykwim? You and Matilda, Tim and Coco. Maybe family outings that she has chosen would be a good idea too.

Hey webbmeg

I work with kids who have difficulties with behaviour and social skills. There's some great books out there that can assist...one is "the unwritten rules of friendship", another is "nobody likes me, everybody hates me" and another is "getting on with others"...all should be available through bookstores or public libraries...

Regarding parenting, one of the best programmes I've ever used (and continue to use) is called 123 magic. It's a time-out approach and works wonderfully for kids between the ages of 4-12. Again, you can get the book through bookstores or amazon. It also has a section about encouraging the behaviours you want to see (e.g. independence)...

Hope that helps!

Meg, I agree with Bec... We take it in turns of who takes Maddy to basketball, or we all go together!
When DH has RDO's he does everything for Maddy getting her up for sachool, packing her lunch, taking her to school, picking her up & chilling out with her after school...

He is also not her Bio father, but she adores him, as he does her...
Initially she was embarassed about him taking her to & from school, but now she likes it & is happy with it.
I guess she was embarassed coz he is not Australian, is different to most of the other kids Dads, is covered in tattoo's has long hair, is dark skinned & asian...

Is there maybe something Tim & Matilda can do once a week after school together, like going for a bike ride, going to the park, swimming lessons, netball, anything they can do as their thing?
Maddy looks forward to Basketball & has marked down next to future games M or D, for Mum or Dad whos taking her!!!

She has also got some attitude but its' more just 8yr old trying to push boundaries... We always back the other up if we tell her off & hse knows not to push either of us...

Often the 2 of them are snuggled on the couch watching TV & it makes me happy...
Good Luck.....

I have a 10 yr old daughter and I know its cliche, but I think girls go through periods like this. I think some alone time with you is vital if you dont already do this. Also ( and it may seem a bit daggy) Guides is a fantastic option to introduce skills for being part of a team. Maybe a team sport, like netball or soccer?

I also have another thought, but really dont want to offend. Could she be a bit jealous of Coco? Its probably a bit hard to go from being an only child to having a new sister in the picture. I was raised as an only child and I was ( and still am, lol) a bit bossy.
When my mum remarried ( I was also 8) I was really mean and nasty to him. He was very patient and put up with all my cr@p, but I hated him at the time.

I wish you all the best.

Thanks for all the advice guys. I have to say, Tim and tilly do have a good relationship some of the time. They usually get up and have breakky together which is really nice. I think maybe doing an activity together is a good idea. I'll also look into the books.
She's got some friends at school she likes, I just worry she'll turn them off with bossing. I do also know like rayla said, I think there's definitely periods of this, I just hope Tilly grows out of it.
Saying all that, she is a delight mostly. She's very thoughtful and often writes us all loving letters(including tim). I think between Tim and coco her position in the family has become a bit unsettled in her mind.
thanks again, I'll let you klnow how we go xoxo

Good luck to you guys Meg. All girls get moody though maybe it's just the beginning. Another thought though, she's not starting to develop is she? Our neice at 8 years old started developing and SIL had trouble with moodiness, maybe this is what's happening with Tilly?