Settling help PLEASE!!!!!

Ok lucy is an absolute ANGEL when daddy gets home! probly cause its the end of the day or something but during the day she is mostly wide awake unless she is in the car or in the HAB! I try to settle her (i have to cover her eyes cause she looks around too much, then gets poopy cause she is tired) and when i try to put her down BANG her eyes will open! I dont get time to go to the cr@pper, or sit down by myself to eat!

A typical day works like this -

she has her first feed with dad at about 5-6am while im in bed, this is the only half an hours worth of sleep by myself i get all day!

then her next feed is due round 9-10 depending on when she woke up, I get up and get her bottle then she usually mucks around for a playtime after she might fall asleep in my arms but as soon as I put her down mayb for as long as 10mins she will be back up goo gaaing or crying cause she wants to look around but is tired! So I go get her and she has a huge smile on her face when i see her its so cute! so then I try settle her but she wont settle unless im holding her... this keeps going until I go insane and have to either get out of the house if Im not already late for an appointment WHICH i have to get ready for the night before AND start getting dressed 2hours before! she will sleep in the car or just sit there looking and will sleep in her pram at the shops(sometimes she wants to be in my arms looking) but as soon as I get home its back to wanting to b held SO I put her in her HAB and cant really get stuck into the cleaning so the house is a shambles when daddy gets home she is asleep like an angel either in my arms or Ive just put her down and then its time to start cooking and having baths and her 2nd last feed which she will probly falll asleep in daddys arms then go straight into her bassinette until we have to wake her at 11pm for her last feed then she comes into our bed until the morning when I do it ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

please help me any suggestions would b appreciated on how to settle her and get at least an hour in between feeds a day to do some cleaning! she is asleep now on my lap while im doing this SSSOOOOOOoooOOOO tempted to try put her down cause I NEED to clean my house!!!!
:help:

Welcome to motherhood ;)
The first thing is to realise that housework really doesn't need tobe done. Dinner doesn't really need to be cooked, and what is most important in the day is feeling like you and bubs are coping with what you have to do with each other. So if you need rest, thats more important than housework and dinner.
You are sounding so stressed - and its completely normal, but maybe she is being an angel for daddy cause he is chilled out getting home fromwork, and you are wound up about needing to get things done.

Try to have a few days where there are no appts, andyou can just lounge around in your PJs doing nothing all day! Maybe put bubs in a pram and just go for a walk. I used to put my headphones on so I couldn't hear her crying ;).

Really - the only person expecting you to have everything done is yourself, and its pressure you just dont need at the moment. Now is about you learning about the wonderful thing you created, so please just try to relax and take a load off.

Good luck!
Fi

Leah, she sounds like a very alert little girl! Emma has never slept much through the day & I know how you feel with being frustrated not getting everything done.

So as for settling tips, sorry I'm not helping much. But I just found that Emma always wanted to be out where there was noise & busy busy busy. So we went out a lot (still do) to the shops, walking, even just out in the yard. Forget the housework, you'll have your hands a lot more free before you know it. :)

Leah, Cooper is the same lately. He used to be great at day sleeps then one day it all changed! Now it's a struggle to get him to have his day time naps. He will not settle in his cot. I will go in to his grizzling and he will look up at me and smile. But I know that he is tired because he will be yawning and rubbing his eyes. He will sleep in the Baby Bjorn or on me. It is very frustrating - I understand what you're going through.

But then every now and then he has good days. I love these days!

Also he is great at sleeping at night. Once it comes to 5 or 6pm (his last feed of the day) he feeds and goes into his cot without a peep. And all through the night he will settle himself after each feed. No probs at all.

But during the day it's so different. I don't understand.

He definitely seems to know his night and day.

Hi Leah,

Have you tried a hammock for day time sleeping? I found this was great when Milo was unsettled. You might be bale to hire one from the hospital? Some do - mine didn't, so I had to buy one.

Leah, you oculd be talking about my baby there. You poor love. The other girls are right - screw the housework - the house will NOT fall down, nor will the world stop. That is coming from someone with OCD - I didn't have a choice either. I became best friends with my baby bjorn.
Have you got someone you could ask to come over and help you? Either to nurse or to tidy.(Hell If you're desperate I'll take a road trip to help you).

Could that person make a couple of meals and freeze them for you so all you have to do is thaw something for dinner?

Could you cook and freeze some stuff while your partners on his days off?

Do you wrap her? Does her top sheet fight tightly? Darcy is always better when she feels very well wrapped and almost tied down LOL (mean mother I am - but it works).

When you see her tired signs when she's awake, do you put her in her cot? She might scream, but stay with her. SHHHH loudly and pat her leg/bottom. If it doesn't work it doesn't work, but it's worth a try.

It DOES get BETTER. Darcy was a totally different baby at 12weeks. We went from 5hrs in 24 to over 16. I know the light is very dim from where you are in the tunnel. I really do.

When I read my diary from about that age with Darcy, I am sad that at that stage I felt her a responsibility. I loved her somewhere, but I was so drained. I was honest and told my nurse. I did have PND but no matter what you have to be honest. No-one has ESP and can't offer help if they don't know you're drowning. Ask about settling centres where they can teach you.

Feel very welcome to send me an email.
Hope a little bit of that rubbish helped. I didn't mean anything to be bossy or offensive.

Hi Leah..reading your post is like me being with my daughter all over again!. She was the same and when she did actually sleep it was only for 45mins. Although thankfully she was a good night sleep and usually slept from 730-7am (not anymore though!).

I think you just need to do what you have to so you can get through the first few months..which are always the hardest. I used to go to the shops and buy a coffee then get back in the car ..kaitlyn would fall asleep for 45mins and I would just drive around looking at houses and beaches!...seriously!. But it got me through. I also went for a walk everyday and she would sleep then. I bought a bouncey seat thingo which vibrated and she liked that so I could run to the loo....then if sleep time happened to be at 430pm I allowed myself a break and cuddled her while watching bold and the beautiful :p

Just take everyday as it comes. It does settle down and they all learn to be better sleepers!.

Cass

Hi Leah!!

I hear where you're coming from sweetie. I had a nightmare sleeper. He would sleep okay during the night... but from 9am through to 11pm he would sometimes stay awake the whole day/evening!!! By 6pm he would be so over-tired he would get feral and scream non-stop. We were beside ourselves as we didn't know what to do.

Around the same week (when DS was around 8 weeks old) I was given an appointment at sleep school... and A Current Affair selected me for a story on babies that don't sleep! So I got a bit of advice which I will pass onto you and hope that something helps. Just realise that this does not last forever. But the sooner you can break the habits then the sooner you can rest (or get stuff done!).

ACA put me in touch with Pinky McKay who has recently written a book about getting babies to sleep. Mind you, I was so exhausted I couldn't read a magazine article let alone a book. But Pinky came over, and she suggested I give DS a massage twice a day. This particularly helps if they have colic.

The day stay at sleep school was helpful, even though I didn't think it would be. They taught me to put DS down in his cot when he was awake. You learn their "tired signs - and put them down as soon as they appear. Don't wait for your baby to be really tired, or asleep in your arms. (tired signs like: rubbing eyes, a yawn, getting grumpy, red eyebrows, droopy eyelids, losing interest in things....)

My son didn't like to be wrapped, so they showed me how to settle him without wrapping. He had his blanket over him, and we sat beside him in the cot with our arms through the bars. Just patted him on the side of the body and said "ssshhhh, sssshhhh" constanttly. You can stroke baby's forehead, and finger down their nose or across the eyebrows to close their eyes. (you know what it's like when you're tired and your fighting to keep your eyes open... but when they're closed you just drop off). Now they baby will cry... and you have to be pretty strong and persist for a while. They don't believe in the "control crying" method... but you can't pick your baby up when she starts crying. Just stay with her, and say soothing things, and pat her body quite firmly. Only pick her up if she is quite hysterical. Then when she calms down, do the process again.

I think babies learn tricks really early on. Like "if I cry... they will pick me up". I think they also learn (with practice)... "If I am put in my bed and cry... and they don't pick me up... then I may as well go to sleep"

Other things you can do:
- play "heart beat" sounds (if your baby is young this may be comforting)
- play soothing music if baby is a bit older (specific baby sleep CDs are good for this)
- wrap your baby... particularly if she thrashes her arms about
- remove things from her bed/environment that could keep her alert/awake
- give her a bottle before going to sleep. My son has recently got into the habit of drinking a little bit when he wakes up (during the day)... then has a bit more before he goes to sleep (like a top up)... with playtime in between. During the night he wakes up, feeds, and drops off to sleep. I think he associated his bottle with sleeping.

I know people say to 'forget the housework'... but I understand that you need to do somethings. You run out of clean dishes and clothes! And you have to wash & sterilise bottles and make up formula! And partners are sometimes oblivious to what happens during the day because they turn into 'angels' when they come home from work. So they think you sit around watching TV all day!! My son usually turns feral at 6pm every night - so my hubby would think he was like that all day. Talk to your partner and show him how to sterilise bottles & make up formula. And ask him to help out for a little while with the housework. I understand he will be tired from working, and would like to have dinner etc. But as I said before - this time will not last forever - I promise!!

I love it when people would say "sleep when the baby sleeps".... and I'm like "how the hell can you do that... he sleeps for 10 minutes! And in those 10 minutes I've got to prepare his bottles!!"

Today was a great day for me with sleep. I put my son down in his cot 3 times when he was wide awake... and settled him off to sleep. I got so much done today (gardening, washing & cleaning!!). Tonight he arced up a bit... but he settled down and when DH put him in the cot he started crying. But I went in there and wrapped his blanket around him so he was snug & warm, and he went off to sleep. That was at 7pm and now (9.45) he is still sound asleep. Aaaahhhh.... bliss. I'm still waiting for him to sleep through the night. He will get up around 11pm, then around 3am, then 7am.

You can get my email address from either of my business links (below) if you want to email me for questions or I could send some information.