* Age & TTC

I'm only 24 but I'm wondering when age starts to make difference when TTC?
My fiance and I really want a family but want to buy a house and be happy with finances before we try... I think his idea of waiting is longer than mine :-s I can see myself having a bubs in the next 3 years but he was saying 8!! [-( [-( But I think he was stirring which he likes to do!

I know it would be different with everyone, but when does age begin to reduce chances? We would hate to wait and then it be too late.

Thanks,

Lucy

Hi Lucy

Welcome to Belly Belly (I am a "Lucy Jane" too by the way!)

I think the common figure for a womans age to start affecting her fertility is 35. So you have years to go yet! But certainly it varies from woman to woman, so you can't rely on that figure.

And fertility is also affected by so many things between a couple, that age isn't the only consideration: general health, stress, lifestyle, diet & environment, not to mention emotional "readiness" can also have an impact.

I guess the most useful thing for you & your fiance to do is to keep the lines of communication open about it all the time, so that either of you feel easy talking about it: this may make compromise on "when start trying" a little easier to negotiate!

Best of luck! There is is forum HERE on "Pre-Conception" which you'll most likely find useful too.........

My fertility specialist has told me that a woman's fertility starts to drop from age 27, but is not likely to be significantly impaired until around 35. But everyone is different, so dont rush into it simply because of that. I think your idea about getting yourself more financially secure and stuff is just as important.

Hope that helps a bit 8-[


Keen

Thanks Lucy & Keen As!

Wow another Lucy Jane ... great name huh? (Jane is my mums name too)
I have just seen how difficult it is for some people on here and on a wedding forum I'm on. I would just hate to wait until money situation is okay and then really struggle to conceive. We both can't imagine not having children. I think my mum would almost die of anticipation if we waited too long... I'm only one of two girls and my sister doesn't want kids... so all hope is on me LOL. She has told me I have until I am 30 to have a baby, that is the deadline for producing her grandbabies! LOL.... we walk down the street and she sees a eurasian baby.... she always says when are you giving me one of those :D !

Lucy

Lucy,

My Mum, but particularly my FIL used to go on and on about "when are you going to give me a grandchild" a lot. All the time. It drove me and my SIL's mad!

We were all at the stage of buying houses/careers/trying to get financially straight at the time, so babies weren't on the agenda.

We all really varied as to how long it took us to concieve (2 weeks to 3 years!) but now FIL has 4 grandchildren and 2 more on the way!

I know its the last thing you want to hear when you're clucky as hell.....but if you are financially better off you will enjoy it more. Money is always an issue though.
Time for some bartering with the time issue, 8 years is way too long.

I guess with us, we just knew we were ready. Even though DH had always thought he would want to wait longer, one day we both really realised that it was time to have a baby - of course, we're still waiting, but we'll get there.

But also, we were and are financially secure enough for me to quit work and readily afford our mortgage and a baby, so I guess that helped us make our decision, too.


I think you'll just know, when your both ready.


Keen

Hi Lucy ...

Great name (same as my niece) =)

I think there is something that needs to be said and that is ...

"There is never a right time to have a baby" (this should be written up in lights everywhere).

There are always money problems, issues with work or something else that should seem to take priority. I wish that I had been more insistent with my husband when we first married. I was 32 then and at least I might have been in with a chance. Now I'm 37 and I think I will be very lucky to get one baby (we've been trying for three years now). We still don't own a house. I'm the major breadwinner in the family and when I'm not working, we will have money issues but this situation is not going to change. I am out of time and I have no choice.

This might be putting too personal a slant on this (I notice the other respondents have been much more balanced) =) but I never want anyone else to go through this grief.

You are still young though which is a distinct advantage. I have hope that you and your DH can negotiate something you are both happy with and that you won't have to wait eight years to make your dreams come true.

I saw an Oprah special last year about fertility and it was this huge uproar thing in the USA at the time - lots of media coverage. The gist of it was that fertility starts to drop at age 27 (like KeenAs said above). Its different for each woman (obviously) but it would be wrong to assume that you have until you're 35 before your fertility starts to be affected by your age. All the people on the show were saying that they felt like they were ripped off because they had missed their chance or their doctor never told them that fertility starts to drop at such a young age (talking about 27).

DH and I were very keen to be "financially stable" before we had any kids, and we actually managed to pay off our first home before we started TTC. We were lucky I guess, but during the pregnancy we decided to upgrade, so now we have a mortgage again anyway LOL!

Like the others said, there's never a right time, but when you get near it, you'll know for sure because your body will make sure you're aware of time marching on!

Hooray Melbo! EXACTLY what I was going to say.

DH and I knew that we wanted kids one day, but we had tentatively put some plans in place that we wanted to fulfill before we had children. Then I got pregnant unexpectedly and now have a beautiful 7 month old. Yes, it is tricky when you're not "financially stable" (ie. have a mortgage etc.) but so is life in general! You learn to adapt and cope with whatever situation you have been given. We don't own a house (or even have a mortgage) and I haven't quite finished my uni degree (2 subjects to go), but you can't sit around waiting until you have this or that ready so that you can start living! Once again, as with Melbo, I'm putting my own slant on this, but I really feel that those things shouldn't take precedence over your feelings. Provided that one of you (preferably the potential father at this stage) has a stable job, you CAN provide for your family. You find ways around things. We're actually trying for another one now, despite the fact that we're not "set up" financially.

Of course, there are lots of things to think about when deciding whether to have a bub or not. But I don't think it is imperative that you own a house, etc. before you do. My parents were never "well off" when I was young, but that isn't what I remember. I remember living in a loving family and having a wonderful childhood. I have spoken to other friends who have had a similar childhood. Isn't that more important than whether you have a lot of money or not?

Hope you and your fiance make the decision that turns out to be right for you.

My feeling is that as long as there is a steady income coming into the marriage, and your marriage is strong, then go for it! Material things are nice but cannot compare to having a family. I know that my 3 kids give me far more joy and satisfaction than this big house and the nice car. If I have a regret, it is that we waited till I was 30 before starting a family - I could have fitted in at least another 2 kids (LOL)! You need to work out a comfortable compromise with your hubby. If he's like my husband, the distant future is always the best time to have a baby, and there is always another reason to wait.

I may be stirring the pot here but when my husband insisted we wait 5 years for our second baby (bear in mind, I was already 32), I told him calmly that if he felt that strongly, I would not argue but he could take care of the contraception. That turned out to be too much of an inconvenience and we were pregnant soon afterwards! I guess he didn't feel that strongly!