daddy

i have noticed that in the last week or so (my daughter is 6 weeks old) that she is not responding well to her daddy. every time he tries to put her to sleep, stop her crying etc she cries and cries and wont settle. as soon as i take over she settles within minutes!! it is not only tiring and frustrating for me to be the only one who can comfort and tend to her but it also makes her dad feel bad as well. he just doesnt seem to know what her cues are, what she likes or when she needs to sleep, feed, or play. i have tried to tell him some things that i do with her and he has tried some but it doesnt work. what should i do?

I must admit that I am not a die hard gentle parenting person but I can completely understand your frustration and Daddy feeling bad! I feel like my DD has gone in and out of this phase constantly and she is almost 2!!

IMO - it's completely natural that your little one will respond to you more as you are with your DD 24/7 (almost!) and it felt like to me, that I was my DD's lifeline! I was her world - her moomoo! LOL!!
However, don't let that worry you because together DH & I have just been persistent and consistent in working together to reassure our DD that Daddy does actually know what he is doing!! We did let our DD cry when Daddy was doing things with her - I would take the moment to have a shower or make a cuppa just to give my mind a breather and my DH space to bond with his DD in their time and way.
If she got too upset DH would call and I would step in but eventually through DH being consistent in settling and playing, it felt like DD & DH began to sense each other and DD realised that Daddy was just as important as mummy and he too knew how the world worked!

This is just what worked for us and our DD - it could be completely different for us with no 2 (when the time comes!)
Something that we found really important for us but really hard in the beginning was staying calm and patient as we all tried to work each other out!

Make sure that you and your dp don't doubt your parenting and how great parents you are! It's just one of many learning phases that go with it!
I don't know if this is helpful to you at all - but am sending :hug: to you that it all works for you soon!

I find the same with DS. I can not settle him if he wakes during the night, but DH can yet we both do exactly the same things to settle him.
And when it comes to feeding (solids) he prefer I feed him, I dunno its hard sometimes LOL!!.

Sorry I have no idea how to fix it either, so I may learn something from this thread too :)

The best advice I was given is to let DH figure it out. Even if it means you going out for a couple of hours everyday and letting them get to know each other without you around. My DS was BF and always prefered me as he could smell the milk. We found daddy doing things like bath or something else special works. Also remeber that in time it will pass. My DS who has always been my boy now prefers daddy time. it is so important to talk about it with your DH though so it does not become an issue

We had this too.. even now DH has learnt not to bother getting up in the night. LOL. It's so much easier for me to quickly settle bub myself with the boob, than DH going in.. coz Tallon wakes up too much and gets really upset. I'm sure as he gets older DH will play a larger role in helping him settle and go to sleep, but right now, breastfeeding is the thing we rely on! :D

But DH does plenty of nappy changes.. and they have a great time on that change table.. I can hear them from downstairs! LOL. And he bathes him, and they have play time together. DH is more a playmate for him at the moment than the one who settles him. But I do think as he understands more, he'll be comforted by DH during the night too. DH reads him a story every night (has done since wk 18 of the pregnancy!) so still has a part in the bedtime settling.

Tallon is very shy around other people, and DH is quite chuffed that Tallon feels safe with him in a crowd of people.. so the bond still exists and grows even if DH doesn't have a huge role in those early days with settling.

Try not to worry about it, 6 weeks is an unsettled time for bub anyway, and you'll find you go through so many changes in the next few months, but your DH will always be special in your baby's eyes. And remember it's only natural - we all want our mums when we're upset. hehe.

All the best! Hope your DH can feel better about it all soon.

I think this is normal. Like Charlyfrog says, your baby is with you most of the time, so it's only natural that she settles better for you. This has always been the case with our little family, as DH works very big days & their time together can be limited.

My DH found it hard in DD's first year or so to 'connect'.(Not saying yours is) but now that she can communicate (In words) more clearly they have become a lot closer, and I guess Dh feels more confident & capable too.