Cannot stop crying

The inevitable happened to me this week, after 12 months TTC, my sister got a BFP. Of course I am overjoyed that she will not have to endure the heartache of LTTTC. I intend to keep from her that DH and I are greatly emotionally effected by the news. This will be her pregnancy and I want her to enjoy every inch of it.

As I am sure we all know, it is difficult to explain how LTTTC effects you and whilst you never wish it upon anyone, its also comforting to have someone who can you can talk to that has total understanding. I have pretty well insulated myself from sharing my troubles with too many friends, my sister was one of few who is aware of our situation.

With this recent news, I feel not only have I lost a (another) friend who I can confide in about my TTC issues, but I will also have to walk, step by step through her pregnancy with her. I do not know how I can do this. I cannot stop crying. I think God might hate me, my world is surrounded by pregnancy and children at every step.

K1,

you poor thing. I too had my sister fall pregnant (in her case, accidentally) while I was undergoing IVF and with 4 years of TTC behind me. I watched her entire pregnancy and the eventual birth of my niece while undergoing 7 failed IVF cycles. It is such a hard thing to go through. I feel for you matey, as it was some of my darkest hours, as well, those first few days after I'd heard her news.

But as someone who's been through it, while I can't promise you it will get better, I can promise you that you will get stronger. There will be days where you won't be able to face seeing her, but for the most part, you will get through this.

Cry and rant all you like. It is heart-wrenching and you are allowed to be upset.

First of all, can I come around and give you a great big hug :hug:

I know exactly how you are feeling. My sister-in-law fell pregnant "by accident" earlier in the year and I cried and cried... What made it worse was that she always said that she never wanted to have kids! We are all here for you.. As sushee said, you will get stronger and trust me, even though it doesn't seem that way at the moment, it will.

I too have gone through the "God must hate me" period. It seems everybody around us, is falling pregnant at the drop of a hat.. I have been TTC for 18 months and I cannot count on both hands how many family and friends have fallen pregnant in that time.

Cry as long as you need to.... you are not alone and I pray that you will get a BFP soon.

:hug:

Lisa xox

Hi There,
It is so hard. Im sorry this is happening to you, I want to let you know that what you feel is valid and important.

I have a little story to tell. I have a relative who is 25 and last year fell pregnant to someone she just met and is not in a relationship with him. He lives overseas and is married and has other children.Its not an ideal situation for her to have a baby in- but she is doing it. I am not judging her.
Her immediate family are housing her and she had a healthy son. I wish good things for her and her son.
I have not seen her or met her son.Last week she invited me to her sons Christening. I am not going- I cant go, I cant be involved. I need to maintain my own space around myself. I am not hiding or anything but it hurts me too much. I suppose what i am trying to say is one of the hardest things to overcome is that other people are doing their own lives- and that we cant ask them to change that, can we?
Even though it hurts and it seems all wrong. I understand that you want to keep from your sister how much it has effected you. Dont forget though that your sister cares about you and is probably aware of how this could effect you.
xx best best best
and like Lisa said cry as long as you need to...

Thank you. Your posts (and hugs) have made me feel better, its nice to hear that there will be light again (eventually.)

K1
Your post has me in tears...and has brought back alot of memories for me...I know how hard it is, and you just cant begin to describe that feeling, esp to people who havent been there. I felt this for 7 years, and was eventually blessed with my DS thru IVF. I will never forget that feeling tho, of a huge piece missing in your heart. I dont think god is punishing you hun, I just think he has a special time allocated for you to concieve your little miracle.
I got thru this tough period (as hard as it is) thinking positive, and that one day my turn will come.And it did... Never give up hope. :hug:

I also feel that your sisters lil baby will fill a little of that emptiness when it comes along. It did for me ;)

Hi,
I just wanted to say that your emotions are very important and you should cry as long as you need to. Just remember that God doesn't hate you.Look at this as just another hurdle and it will make you a stronger person in the long run.
I understand how difficult this time is and will be for you.
I have been ttc for what seems like an eternity and every time a friend or relative announces their own pregnancy news it always hurts, but one day it will be your turn and everyone will be so happy for you and you will appreciate your little bundle so much more.

K1, its just so much to deal with isnt it? My Brother and his wife are now expecting their second, as are three of our close friends expecting - so unfortunately I totally understand.

Its so bitter sweet. As you say, you would never wish that heartache upon them, but inevitably your heartache only increases as more and more of them have families of their own while you are left behind. Its not fair. And the hardest part is having absolutely no control whatsoever over it.

And what else can we do but just deal with it.... oh and drop into BellyBelly and vent to our online friends who do understand.. :hug:

K1,

I can only echo what all the others have said here.

I certainly understand your valid feelings, I too never wish any untoward feelings to anybody, but sometimes I just can't help either feeling sad, angry or whatever. It's not at them but more at my (our) situation of not being able to have my own little bundle.

Sasika's comment 'I suppose what i am trying to say is one of the hardest things to overcome is that other people are doing their own lives- and that we cant ask them to change that, can we?' is a very real way (not emotional) of looking at the situaton

Sending you a huge :hug: .

Shazz.
xx

K1

sending you lots of :hug: :hug: hope you are feeling a little better.

Thinging of you.

Hi All
Your beautiful support helped me greatly last week. This week has been better and I have stopped crying (for the time being at least).
My sister is also being beautiful, she understands my position and therefore she is not overdosing me with "early pregnancy excitement" unless she gets the feeling from me that its cool, and when I can I listen and join in the excitement.